Time to stop gambling

I'm new here and have been in a similar situation. Smaller scale but same principles. I had the epiphany recently too. Look forward to hearing your success - best of luck pal

Cheers thank you, will definitely be keeping a diary. Good luck to you, let’s both kick this habit.

Hi having that big win is / was a very powerful brainwashing tool. Not just the money, but the feeling of euphoria & power it must have given you. It's a drug-like high, substance-based in your brain but caused by a situation instead of - less subtly - a drug you have smoked or snorted or injected etc. I think that somewhere deep in your brain at an unconscious level you wish to repeat that intense high, if so please don't underestimate how powerful that drive is. Through the big win you've created a hungry monster. So you need to be careful, very careful as maybe you are split in two now - think Jekyll & Hyde - the sensible part of you wanting to stop gambling & the not-so-sensible part wanting to recreate that feeling. Not for the money, (that's just the superficial reason) but for the high you miss. It's a kind of conditioning, the price you have paid for that big win.

Otherwise, sorry to ask, but if you have the perfect life then why gamble ? You have too much to lose now. By my reckoning based on the amounts you have stated you are still 'up', so quit while you are ahead. It's very easy to think unconsciously that you did it once so you can do it again (i.e. a big win), that is how they (casinos etc) get to you.

Practically-speaking, have you told your future wife ? I think you should tell her & also hand over your finances to her in the short-term. Self-exclude from all your casino / betting accounts. 'Txnogam' offers a free 28 day trial (found via google, blocks all gambling sites online). Then, in time, you'll pay off the debt through work / salary, the hunger will recede & you'll be able to look back on it as a crazy episode in your life, one that you shouldn't repeat. Otherwise you risk being dominated by it for the rest of your life. Nip it in the bud, bud.

Hi

I have the feeling yesterday that what I was doing was wrong, and I do have too much to lose now and that’s why I’ve stopped. Yesterday was the first day I haven’t had any urges to gamble and I hope it stays that way.

I feel if I tell my future wife it’s foing to cause us loads of problems and afraid it will be the end for us. This is something I need to try and do on my own, and if I find myself back where I was, then I’ll have no other option but to tell her.

Yes I’m still up on money so I need to remember this, and I’m stopping before I lose everything and can’t turn things around. I’ve seen so many post about how this website helps them, and so far just talking about things it’s helping me.

Thank you for taking the time to respond.

Not telling her takes away her informed choices. Do you think that's fair?

Lying is control. If you have the perfect life why gamble with it? If you want to stop gambling you have to stop lying.

I’m not saying what I have done is right, but surely I should be given the chance to put it right? I agree maybe it’s me being selfish by not saying anything, but I know I can put this right. The main reason I got into gambling is because she introduced to me it, and the last thing I want is for her to worry and start gambling again as well.

I know I can fix this and learn by my mistakes, and I know I don’t derserve her but I need to put things right.

No ones saying you don't deserve her. But recovery is about honesty.

Secrets are toxic. Even if you manage to carry on pulling the wool over her eyes it's a heavy burden to carry. If you don't and she discovers the deception for herself how do you think that will play out? Telling her now puts you in control and means you can show her what you are doing to address this. This is a progressive addiction and it thrives on secrecy. It's very, very easy for an active CG to find a persuasive reason to gamble. Making yourself accountable to someone else makes it very much harder for you to put that thought into action.