Hi,
In the last 24 hours I have taken the biggest step in what I hope is the road to recovery. I told my partner and my parents I am a compulsive gambler and am in nearly 20k of credit card debt.
I have never felt so much shame and guilt as I did in those conversations. My partner is hurt, angry and worried for the future.
Both my partner and my parents are very stable people, lots of common sense. Then there is me…
I first got into gambling 23 years ago playing slot machines and basic sports betting. I was 18 at the time and racked up 1.5k debt. I was bailed out my parents and life went back to normal for a year or so. I think picked the habit back up and racked up a 3k debt where I had to be bailed out by my partner. Skip forward to this day I have nearly 20k in debt. All from online gambling ranging from sport to video slots.
Having come clean and taking the first step I feel some weight being lifted but sadly I have passed some of that burden on to the ones I love. This painful for them.
How could I have let myself and everyone down so badly. I have a young son whom I can hardly look at without wanting to hold him close and cry because of what I have done.
Addiction is powerful and destructive. It can morph your personality and drive bad choices, it can tear your too shreds and take out those close to you as collateral damage. It can make you feel worthless, alone and depressed.
However today I learned I am not worthless. I have a future and things and people worth fighting for. People I love and people who love me.
My biggest fear is not stopping gambling. It is repairing the damage to the relationships and restoring the trust. I am going to join GA meetings and complete a rehab programme as I want understand why I respond to stress and pain by gambling and how I can be better and identify triggers.
It will be a long road but I know I can still achieve my best life and have a future betting free.
Very well done to you. I am sure a weight has been lifted from your shoulders, as upsetting as it is that you currently may be feeling that you have let your loving family down! I have been there too - having such a loving supportive family, who have bailed me out and not judged me for what I have done. They want only the best for me, even though they do not condone the thousands and thousands I have spent over the last 15 years of my life. I am sure your family wish the same for you and will no doubt be proud of you for starting your new journey. Take care and look after yourself. 🙏
Hello and well done on starting your journey to recovery.
how did you make your self suddenly feel less worthless? I am really struggling to get my head around probably because I’ve messed up my family
Then you took your frist step toward recovery, i also want to start my way to recovery but i don't know where to start.
@1rpb0wzlhm what are your circumstances? For me the first step had to be telling my family. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do but it not only lightens the load but gives you real accountability moving forward
I saw a mug in my daughters kitchen today. Its my first day without a bet.
the mug read “ be kind to yourself” valuable words.
i thought to myself, do i have hope?…. Yes i do. My adult children would be devastated if they knew. And my Grandkids need me. My husband needs me, and things are far from hopeless.
i will see better days and so will you. Your family needs you. Your don needs you
Went to my first GA meeting tonight, was a sobering but very positive experience
Well done you and glad to hear you had a positive experience 👍.
Take care and stay strong. 💪.
Pink Lady. 🍎.
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