Hi im 28yr ood male. It has finally hit me that something needs to be done about my gambling, i just wish that i sorted this sooner. Two years ago i broke down infront of my gf after loosing my savings for a deposit on a house with her, at that point i promised i wouldn't gamble again. I gave gambling up after that, few months down the line we bought a house everything was going great I hadn't gambled for around a year. For the last year i have been sucked back in to gambling my mind was telling me icould earn extra cash and possibly get that big win. When it started back up it slowly escalated to me putting more and more money on. Just last night after a year of gambling my gf caught me on it I instantly felt sick to my stomach knowing i promised her I wouldn't gamble again, it is terrifying to me now how quickly gambling can get out of control. I have suffered abit since back when i was in school with depression due to bullying and generally just beating myself up thinking im not good enoughi can now see this does not go hand in hand with gambling.I can't believe its taken me till i got caught to realise i need help. I really feel that i have ruined my gfs life as we have a nice house and a amazing puppy so its hard for her to know what to do as i have already been given a chance but didn't sort it properly. I have told her that if she wants me to leave i will take my stuff and go i will expect nothing from the house as i could except it after lying behind her back. I really hope it doesn't come to that because I don't know how i will rally myself if i lost her and our puppy. I don't know how my gf will ever trust me again though if she does decide to stay with me. I am going to use this site to help me there is alot of inspirational stories on here and will try the freephone line in a few hours to try and help me though this. It is scary not knowing what the future holds but the battle starts now.
Ben
It is not clear what financial situation this has left you both in as far as the house is concerned. If you really want to stop and keep your gf and the house then now is the time for you to really step up. I know it is hard but I would suggest to her that she takes over your finances and that will make you think twice about what you are spending. I would ask her to sit with you and talk about the problem and your feelings and why you think you have been doing this. Ask her how she feels as well - it will be an emotional talk but sometimes these things need to be discussed to help both of you understand each other a bit more. Tell her you have started getting help by coming on here and maybe ask her to look at some of the posts with you. There are only so many chances she is going to give you and in her defence she has to look after her own future and make sure she is safe and financially secure. You have to prove to her now that you are actually physically doing stuff to sort this problem. It's no good just saying to her "I promise I won't gamble again and I'm sorry". It really is not enough. Make a list today of what needs to be done i.e.
Ring Gamcare for moral support and advice on where to get financial/debt support if needed.
Start a diary or go on the recovery diary section here make today Day 1 of not gambling and keep counting the gfree days. Share the diary with the girlfriend or ask her to help you set one up.
Ask your gfriend to moniter your finances and talk to her if you feel down or tempted.
Ask Gamcare about how to self-exclude from sites etc
You should be proud that you have come on here to get some help and you should be proud that you are a homeowner. If you can achieve that you have the strength to overcome the gambling I am sure. Forget about those bullies at school who made you feel like you are not good enough and focus on the good things you have achieved like working hard, nice girlfriend, house and the puppy. I really hope you can work things out. Good luck.
Hi Ben 15,
Welcome to the forum, and well done for posting here.
Even though it must be very difficult for you that your girlfriend found out you’ve relapsed from your recovery, it might also be a wake-up call for you to try and address your gambling problem again as it appears is still present in your life.
To make you aware, gambling problem gets worse if you don’t do anything about it, and it can easily get out of control. Now that you and your girlfriend has managed to get your own house, you can protect your part of finance by making direct debit payments for all your bills so you don’t worry about bills or, endanger your mortgage.
I’m wondering if you’ve tried putting some internet blocking software in place to stop you from accessing gambling sites, and in case you gamble at the bookies too, there’s now a single phone number you can contact to enable you ban yourself from all the bookies in your local area.
For additional support, Gamcare can refer you to 12 sessions of free counselling, and nearest to where you live.
You can also join in our live chat to which is run daily at specific times to distract yourself from gambling.
Perhaps it would be a step forward to contact our free phone Helpline on: 0808 8020 133, and find out about other help and support available to you.
We are open everyday from 8.00am to midnight.
Thanks for post, and please keep posting.
Best wishes,
Beatrice
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