Wasted my life

Hi Pink, welcome to my story! A little bit younger & although I simply never got to grips with the online stuff, I have similar time ‘in the game’ although I progressed from bingo to shops to bookies...It’s a mugs game for sure but it doesn’t have to be this way!

Welcome to recovery & good to see your son supporting you (GamCare can help him too if he needs it)...Hope you enjoy your chat with the team & find this place as safe as I do - ODAAT

Thank you ODAAT , have been reading forums since Nov last year , knowing it was escalating but hoping in Jan for a new start well that certainty didn't happen !! today just sorting out aftermath of the last three months will tell more of my story when this headache from hell lifts , thank you for the warm welcome .

Need to start a diary , do I go into recovery section ? anyway day 2

Daughters birthday today put on a smile , inside feeling heartbroken , such a lovely , hardworking girl I could have treated us to a amazing holiday with what I have spent last three months , I treated her to lunch and afternoons tea so think she had a nice day , I have to forgive myself and hopefully next birthday she has i, will be a year free of those dreadful slots I never want to feel like this ever again

Day 3 feeling sad today son took me to the two local bingo halls, I have done the most damage at , and am now excluded neither cared much but I felt a bit stupid I can't control myself but walking past 50 odd slot machines to get to hall is dangerous territory , we had a good talk and told him true extent of c/card debt around 10.000 on three cards he was shocked , I explained I had phoned two c/card company's and they have froze interest and I can pay 10 a month an each the 3 card is more harder to sort as I'm 2nd cardholder ex partner is main so will have to pay this one off somehow as not in contact with him , my son made the comment you probably could have bought a house with the money you spent over 30 years and he's right varied between 5.000 to 10.000 a year what a idiot I am , well have downloaded some games to play with in app purchase disabled to keep my mind off thinking too much about the damage I've done financial and to my health , and to my three grown up children who I will speak to individually as they must have lost too as I was a single parent and I never realised lost in my gambling world they needed me . Pink

On Tues will find local GA meeting , just wish there was all female group as I went once in 2005 but it was all men and I felt quite intimidated , and will see if I can get counselling via gamcare as the old feelings of guilt and self loathing are coming back I've tried escape from using gambling , need all the help I can get pink

Hi Pink, well done you for getting those exclusions in place & I think GA is a really good idea! It still is very male dominated but addiction doesn’t discriminate & everyone there is just like us (sick but trying to get better) so try not to let addiction make excuses for you. I don’t know if it will help any but when I 1st went to work in what is a very male dominated environment someone told me to think of them all as big Ken dolls...Something to do with when their trousers are off, the bottom half is the same as Barbie. It’s a little bit crazy but it puts us all on an even keel then & FWIW, I don’t think feeling intimidated is necessarily a female thing...There are men in my group who feel the same.

There are female liaisons for GA now...Imagine their details would be on the website if you wanted to touch base with them 1st & see if there are any womens groups near you.

My mum is a CG & was largely a single parent so I’m not going to lie & say your children may not have been affected but what I will say is, for me, even if she got help now as she approaches her 70th, it’s not too late!

Don’t forget the helpline if you need to talk.

Thanks ODAAT, you made me smile I will keep that image of ken dolls in my head , do I need to go to recovery diaries to start my own as not clear about that ? My mind feels a bit clearer but body feels wrecked , I need to take care of myself physically too , as a binge gambler it could be in a couple of weeks that urges come , so I've given my son my jewelry to as I have when desperate for cash gone to pawn shop , its so awful when I think what I've done , hopefully now there will be no more secrets and lies that will help me to recover and try to keep the triangle in mind Pink

Yep, just scroll down to the bottom & hit new topic.

Recovery is a full body experience so you’re not wrong about that...I took about 3 days to really crawl out from under the duvet & have had some real hum-dingers since but I wouldn’t go back for all the tea in China! You aren’t the only person to have done crazy stuff & not only does it sounds like it’s your own jewellery you have previously pawned, it also sounds mercifully like you still have it which is nothing short of a miracle for people with our propensity for throwing everything we have @ machines! Good to see you floating around the site...There is always something here to read/respond to when you need a distraction.

Hi Pink

I can hear you're struggling at the moment. You also posted on freshope's page and made reference to not keeping yourself safe by hitch hiking in the middle of the night.

I would like to encourage you to make the call to speak to an adviser on freephone 0808 8020 133, to help you get your stragegies into place. You said you would like to have some counselling which can be arranged for you. You can also use the self exclusion line to block shop gambling 0800 294 2060 or use a blocking software to prevent you gambling online http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/blocking-software#.VCA52fldXww

Please do contact your GP if you continue to feel low or feel there is any risk of you harming yourself. The samaritans also offer a 24 hour service Tel: 116 123 or you can use their website for additional support https://www.samaritans.org/

I hope this helps

All the best

Cade

Forum admin

Thanks forum advisor , have booked Dr apt , and feeling calm at the moment , now on day 7 Pink

Day 11 , struggling today , just eating non stop , I'm sure I just replace one addiction with another Pink

At least you are not gambling keep going

Thanks Bryan , yes its cheaper to buy cream cakes than gamble but not so great for my waistline , still trying not to think to far ahead as it a bit of gloomy outlook , hope every one had a calm peaceful day . . .Pink

Day 13 nearly two weeks phew , feeling grumpy still , but will keep striving onwards .... Pink