i was doing so well for a month or so (I have ridiculous amounts of debts due to gambling) but the past few days have managed to lose £900 on my cards and £500 from my current account. I'm literally broke now and have 3 weeks till payday. I was trying to be clever and win back some of the losses I had made to pay for a holiday for me and my son, but now I just feel sick beyond belief and also sad. I don't know what's wrong with me.
Hi IHG, Whats wrong with you is that your a compulsive gambler just like me ! It's all about the buzz not the money ( as much as you kid yourself about winning back losses ) and " You cannot win , because you cannot stop ".
Sorry to sound harsh but It really isn't rocket science , if you stop gambling and let go of the losses then things will improve for you but keep chasing those losses and it will drag you back every time !!.
Let's just say that you did win a big amount back , you'd think great problem solved ? but all you would do in your gambling mind is convince yourself that you were on a roll , your luck had changed and you'd gamble it all back in the hope of an even bigger win , you'd blow the lot and the Win , lose , chase cycle would begin again , stop completely and let it go , or stay in the loop , your choice ? .
I quit over 9 months ago and haven't had a bet since and that's only been possible by accepting what I am and that I had to let go of everything I had ever lost and the fact that I can never safely gamble again , acceptance is the only way forward .
Best wishes for now and welcome back to recovery .
Alan
Thanks for your kind and sensible advice. It felt amazing when I wasn't gambling because all the money in my account was safe and was mine to spend, not just money down the drain for a change. God knows what possessed me to restart. I kept telling myself it would be £50 at the most but of course, it's not that easy. I must start all over again for my own sake. It's just crazy doing this to myself. Thanks again for your support x
" It felt amazing , when I wasn't gambling " your word's not mine and word's you need to remember if your ever tempted to gamble again , I'ts not easy givng anything up , especially somerhing that gives us such a buzz even if inside were feeling sick to the core , such is the way gambling treats us .
I spent many years convincing myself that it was all under control , I'd cut down , lower stakes and even stop for a few days here and there but I was just kidding myself and it all went back to having full blown binges within a short space of time , only when I stopped completely and accepted everything did I move on .
You can do this , youv'e already gone a month without a bet so you know it's possible , like anything, the longer you go without something the more you get used to it , give yourself a few months and witness the change , then you can have " amazing" everyday !!.
Look after you , don't be to harsh on yourself and keep posting !
Talk to you soon
Alan x
If you haven't already get a diary going in the recovery diaries section.
Basically what Alan says is 100% correct.
You need to go back to basics. Ask yourself, why, how, when do I gamble. Then take all preventive measures to stop it happening again.
Good luck and get that diary up if you haven't already.
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