Hi, I too am in a very sad state of affairs and don't even deserve a shred of self pity, just hope the community can hear me out too as I find myself here for the first time and hope that it will prove good to finally admit to a forum at least that not only do I have a problem but I need to grow up and look at my reality, instead of wasting my life and peoples time.
Unfortunately, I have lost well the majority of my life savings during the past 13 years.... and regret it all. Yesterday I lapsed again after a 6 month dry spell.. I just couldn't stop myself from walking into the Casino.
It all started when I was 20 in my last year of University, the first time that I visited a casino and played BlackJack and Roulette... how i regret it! take me back 13 years please!!!
Even to this day, I still always always think I can beat the house at BlackJack and win big on the sidebets, how i hate the side bets! 9-1, 12-1, 50-1, perfect pair, straights etc etc... intially i used to bet conservatively small (thinking losing £20 - £30 was too much 🙁 ) but then as i grew older and my salary slowly increaed I started playing hard and was losing so much at BlackJack and on the side bets that my stakes were so high i used to feel so important just watch it all being taken away 🙁 . I am a lemon, and I don't leave the table until I have lost everything, instead of just saying no, I stay there for 5 or so hours and just keep withdrawing until my daily limit is maxed out 🙁 . i even waited until 00:01 so that withdrawel limit is reset thats how sick i am 🙁
I can only estimate my losses over the past 13 years, and I am so ashamed of myself that i know i would have had enough money to use as a deposit , and give myself some financial stability. But instead I now have nothing to show for all these years of work. I could have paid off my student loans several times over, I could've helped my parents with relocating to a better city, but no I am just so arrogant and ignorant in thinking that I will win and now added another -£5k balance to my name.
I really have no one to talk to my problem about, and I feel I have no life, no gf and all my friends are happily married and moving on with their lives and I resort to gambling in a casino by myself on a Saturday night, chatting with the dealers! I dred the day I will apply for a mortgage as all of it will be revelaed and I have no idea how to get out of this mess.
My job ends too at the end of the year, so I went to the casino on Saturday hoping to increase my income and now I regret ever walking into that place. I know I can and have gone 6 - 9 months without gambiling but when I relapse, I relapse hard and get caught up in the mess, i can loose a years savings in a matter of days! and now the other day i signed up to Sky casino and the money just went out my account faster than i couldve imagined.
I have lost so much over 13 years!! how stupid is that!! I am not in a fancy job, don't have a car - I used to just hit the casino as soon as my paychack came in and as I was living at home my expenses were small. I just can't believe I have worked for so long and have nothing to show for it now!!
my only hope now is that i win the lottory by buying a luckdip now and again 🙁 as I have effectively banned myself from stepping foot in the casino - i will never win it back 🙁
i just feel like s***, i have a bank balance of £3k ... and need to start again. i dont even know how i will retire at this rate 🙁 . self control is a given, but if you clearly don't have it and you are too afraid/ashamed to admit your problem to a close friend/relative/spouse - i don't understand why the banks don't intervene when they see your account getting less and less and look at your acivity! even if they wouldve stepped in 5/6 years ago for me, or step in on people who are clearly compulsive gamblers, its not difficult for them to say we will take some action and move some of your assets to a fixed account to help manage your spending as we are seeing some unusual activity. im not making excuses , its my own mistake in the end, may be im just looking for somone to blame - i dont know how i will get on the property ladder, how to move on with my life, start a family or how a woman can ever love me at this rate when i can't provide or treat her 🙁 that money couldve been put my future children through university . i dont know what i've done
Hi.. I am a lemon too 🙂
From one compulsive gambler to another... your situation really isn't that bad... though I can appreciate that it might feel that way. Better a bank balance of 3k than a balance of 12 pounds.
Calm yourself and stop looking too far into the future. You can still have all the things you want in life, if you stop gambling.
I didn't heed others advice when I was in my early thirties and now am 46 and virtually destitute.. but for me to recovery can start at any point. Its started.
Be humble with others, forgive yourself. Don't gamble... move on to better times... as I do the same.
regards.. S.A
thanks S.A. for your words. I have resorted to heavy gambling over the past 5/6 years and I'm only looking ahead. I know i have made it 9 months without thinking of going into a Casino but now come the EoY I have no job and will feel lonely, I really don't want to sink myself any lower.
I certainly hope I can move on to better times and wish the same for you too. Having 3K savings is abismal after 11years of working. I have no investments at all, got to start now from rock bottom.
Take care
It could be worse mate. I’m approaching my 30s I got my first job when I was 19 and currently have £40 to my name until next month and 5k in debt that will take me a year or longer to pay off. I know just how you feel when you gamble it all away or hit big then give it all back...I’ve done it too many times. My friends are also all in relationships and having kids and I’m single and alone with a very bleak looking future. I wish you the best of luck mate, just remember your still in a position where you can change if you want to although I know from experience it’s easier said than done.
Hitty, I'm even closer to retirement age and have not much to show for myself as savings and wages have gone into binge gambling for years on end leaving here in my 50's without a retirement savings or plan. Also have an older car that needs work, health/teeth to be taken care of, and need change my occupation due to injury. I know the feeling you are talking about. Believe me , you don't want to be feeling this way , the way you are now , when you hit your 40's and 50's. This disease does not go away so get it together now while you have some life left and and some and a bit of cash. Yes it feel really bad and it does not get any better with gambling. All that said, I am so greatful for your post. I helps me to not feel alone. Also the posts of others who commented on your post like green and s.a., I've also read your posts and thanks for your honesty and for sharing and for trying. Keep on trying one day at a time. It's gonna be worth it. We can do this. tara2
Hi Green and Tara, apologies for the late reply, for me too i am grateful for your supprt and knowing i'm not alone
thanks for sharing your experiences too ... you are right it is a disease, a mental health one... i feel i have wasted my life let alone the money. i have to start being honest, not waste money for the next year and try to find a way to put myself back on track. i feel you too tara, i only hope that you can make smal changes that will lead you to something more fulfilling. ive tried myself to change so many times, but for some reason temptation got the better of me, and here i am... in solitary
2 days have pssed, Xmas is around the corner and all im waiting for is the next salary. as soon as i get it and pay my bills the rest will just be transfered, its the only way to stop myself. i did that for 9 months, and then just blew it anyway , i just want to get to a year , only 1 year without thinking of Blackjack 🙁
we can all beat this, even if writing something here on this forum, daily or weekly, so that we dont lapse , i have never talked to anyone about my problems, and now that i write here it does help even if it is a bitter pill to swallow....
i hope you guys are perservering... one day at a time
keep strong
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
