Hi guys, please someone say something comforting! I have been on here alot, reading stories and trying to help others. I found that it was really helping me alot...til last night. I dont know what happened...reached for my phone (access blocked on pc) and even knowing all I know about the gambling cycle, I still went ahead and destroyed all my hard work. Major damage...8500k in 4 hours. The huge amount was definately fuelled by alcohol. I drank my way through almost intentionally to be 'brave' enough to make some big bets. On the other hand, I cant really blame alcohol at all as the last few binge sessions were completely sober! I dont know what planet I was on..why the heck did I do it.Needless to say, today has been a very unproductive day. I have done little except wallow. Although Im absoutely disappointed in myself I have a strange sense of calm...its possibly numbness. I have sat down and made a plan to get a low interest low tomorrow to pay this all off my credit card. I think I will take it over 3 years and hopefully hammer it as much as I can and pay it off well in advance of that. I have another loan that is finishing in 2 months so that will help alot.My loophole is my phone...I have tried gamban on it before but it is not supported on my android. I am currently trying to put netnanny on it...but its not working for some reason. Any advice on what I can put on?. Also I have found out today that the reason I cant use gamstop is because it is only for UK residents...it wont recognise any other overseas postcodes which is a shame. I have googled addiction counsellors in my area and I really think I better go see one as my will power alone has proved me wrong. Its obvious that I cannot do this alone now. I just want to live a normal, calm life, too exhausted from it all for any more drama. I hope anyone reading this will realise that the d**n addiction is always there...lurking to take advantage at any opportunity. And it bit me in the a**e big time last night. I havent managed to eat a thing today...literally my gut is wrenching. I was so much looking forward to the next pay cheque to be clear of debts and start living again. And here I go with the self destruct button just when things are starting to look up. I suppose all I can do for now is to try and close those loopholes so I can gamble...becuase history is repeating itself and letting me know that I am never safe from the urge overpowering me. I didnt want to come on here and admit my failure, I feel like such a fraud giving out advice to others when I couldn't manage to follow it myself. Im glad I came on...even writing it all down here is a help mentally. I need your support and help guys..I cant do this alone.
Hi Valdab,
Where are you based non Uk? Firstly we are here for you no one is judging and deep breath - one day at a time.
Thinking of you
Sammy x
Thanks Sammy. I am in Dublin...most of the gambling sites are UK based but becuase I am not UK based then I cant use it which is a shame. Trying to find some positives in my lapse. I just realised if I quit smoking that debt could be gone in less than 2 years...maybe this latest disaster will spurn me on to quit the smokes for good...My poor head hurts...Ive chain smoked today with the anxiety this has caused me
We all know that sinking feeling - Have you thought about online group counselling through gamcare? I assume you just like log in remotely? might be worth having a look.
Put the kettle on too. You are honest with you and us so that's a positve in your lapse, remember what I said you are a good person don't be so hard on yourself. Maybe the debt was a trigger this time in an attempt to try to solve problems quicker. You can do this I have a lot of faith in you 😉 no pressure lol.
I once posted my own sim to myself by recorded delivery post lol to avoiding using it - now that I think was ffrom the mind of a lunatic.
I'm gutted for you as i know how you feel but taken a lot of guts to come back and start from day 1 again.
Write last night off and just start afresh from today.
Sammy x
Hi valdab,
I'm in quite a similar boat mate after a lengthy gamble free period. Weridly the figure you mention and the way you did it was almost identical to me the other day. Like you i'm in clean up mode too but maybe it's more important to look at why we gambled? Was there a trigger? Something stressful going on?
What about changing your phone so it can be supported? Know it seems like a hassle to get a new phone but if it's a couple of hundred quid that closes that option off then surely be best cash you could spend vs potential loss of thousands.
Keep your chin up.
Sorry to hear about this . It’s obvious that you hadn’t suffered enough and in some masochistic way that itch has been scratched and you now have hit your rock bottom . This is for the time being until you get more access to money unless you change . By reading all of the posts and knowing what you know , it’s recoverable if you want it to be . I know it’s tough love but you really need to put these blocks in place . More importantly you need to work on yourself to change so that your mental side has had enough of gambling by finding something better and more fulfilling . You can learn from any slip and it’s great that you are back here straight away and are gambling with remorse .im sure in the past you would have just carried on like always but not this time . Some people stop straight away , some don’t stop until many times of slipping . Keep posting and if you want any support I’m around this site daily
changing the phone is a good idea...but right at this moment im sure you can appreciate how i feel about spending extra money!But I agree...whats a few hundred to save thousands. I have been under alot of stress lately but I dont even think thats it. I seem to self destruct when things are going well in my life. Like someone said on here...its easier to stay gamble free when you are faced with debts...you simply cant afford to gamble. Its when the road ahead of me seems clear that somehow triggers the urge again. I think I must have deeper issues going on...and the addiction is just how its presenting itself. Today is day one and I am publically declaring that I will never gamble again.Ever.
Thanks Bryan...I was hoping you would be on here. Totally agree....i need to change...not just the gambling...lots of life changes are needed. Not sure why I keep punishing myself...I dont feel fulfilled...I am lonely and isolating myself even more by continuing. I definately need to see a councellor...the thought scares me...change scares me...but maybe its time for a complete life overhall..
We only have one life . It’s that simple . You hear it all the time but do we ever pause to think what it means ? Don’t waste it by throwing all of your hard earned away and living a pitiful existence . The gambling companies don’t care about us . You just need to make changes because if you do the same things you will always get the same results .
Use betfilter it has worked on my phone - i know how you feel - i’m like jekyll and hyde - i’m fine during the day and then i turn into someone else by night - i gambled £13k last week!!! I have just registered with gamstop and put betfilter on my iphone and haven’t been able to access any gambling sites for 7 whole days !! Bliss!!
Hi Valdab,
I sort of draw an inspiration from your story on how many times you have been bouncing back from the pits gambling has been throwing you into. You can do this again but please be better for yourself and for the likes of us. I am not sure what had caused you to do it (alcohol, chasing losses) but I am sure you will have a solution for future. You are certainly skilled and hardworking to have strong finances. I will say share your feelings with someone to lighten up?
Thanks tornsoldier.. yes I do work very hard...and have very little to show for it as this addiction has taken so much from me.I am so hurt that I should be a much more comfortable stage financially at my age.Instead I am constantly throwing away money on this d**n addiction.I will somehow dig myself out once more...but you are right..I need to do better for myself...this cycle can't continue. I feel like I want to just hibernate from life for a while til the pain eases..but I know the isolation will just make me even more depressed. I guess only I can put the work in...the solutions come from within. I do think sharing the problem could help me...but I haven't got the bottle to share my illness with anyone.
I can understand the uncertainty regarding sharing but you should try it (may be start on a lighter scale to gauge the person's response). Isolation is worst and it takes our mind back to the losses we have had. For myself, if I make myself busy, I seem to keep the thoughts at bay. An expression I used to live my life by until a few years ago was to be a better you from yesterday. Perhaps, a professional counselor ?
valdab wrote: Thanks tornsoldier.. yes I do work very hard...and have very little to show for it as this addiction has taken so much from me.I am so hurt that I should be a much more comfortable stage financially at my age.Instead I am constantly throwing away money on this d**n addiction.I will somehow dig myself out once more...but you are right..I need to do better for myself...this cycle can't continue. I feel like I want to just hibernate from life for a while til the pain eases..but I know the isolation will just make me even more depressed. I guess only I can put the work in...the solutions come from within. I do think sharing the problem could help me...but I haven't got the bottle to share my illness with anyone.
Hello Valdab,
Thank you for joining the GamCare forum. Unfortunately we're not funded to provide online counselling to anyone in the island of Ireland, but there is an agency providing gambling counselling and support called Dunlewey Addiction Services, and they offer counselling in Dublin.
In the meantime you're very welcome to keep using the GamCare forum.
Best wishes
Deirdre
Forum Admin.
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