Will it ever end

Dear @bonnie,

Thank you for sharing your post with us, it's good to hear you have taken comfort in some of the posts you have read on here, please continue to keep doing so. I'm sorry to hear that things are so difficult for you at the moment and that they have also been this way in the past whilst you was living with your ex husbands problem gambling.

We would encourage you to speak to your GP about the depression and anxiety that you're experiencing, it may be very beneficial to get their advice and help with this. If you are unable to get an urgent appointment or you need advice outside of your GP opening times then you can call the NHS on 111. They are able to give medial support and make urgent out of hours appointments at a local GP if needed.

You can also call one of the mental health helplines to get support with the way you're feeling such as MIND or CALM.

https://www.mind.org.uk/ or https://www.thecalmzone.net/

Please remember your future does not have to stay this way, overcoming problem gambling is a challenge. However, many people in similar situations to yours do manage to change their relationship with gambling and go on to live a life that is gamble free. You can do this and we're here for you every step of the way, so is our wonderful and supportive forum community and our live chat room users. You are not alone.

Well done on achieving one year gamble free! This is an amazing achievement and proof that you can do this Bonnie so please believe in yourself and your ability to change the things that you're unhappy with including the gambling. The relapse does not take away all the hard work that you put in to achieving a full year of not gambling.

It might be beneficial to think back to what helped you over the space of that year? What did you do to help yourself not gamble? There are many coping strategies that we can suggest to you, have you self excluded from online gambling with Gamstop? Have you added blocking software to your device such as Gamban or Gamblock? Although there is a charge for this, many find it very helpful to add it to their device.

There are also bank accounts that block gambling transactions such as Monzo so this may be a good option for you too. https://monzo.com/about/

We are able to make a free referral to our treatment team or one of our treatment partners that are based all over the UK if you would like some support sessions with them? They offer a range of different pathways in order to meet your individual needs so there will be an option that suits you such as one to one, telephone or online video call counselling. 

I noticed you are sometimes left without the money to pay for your bills, please know there are other organisations that can advise you of all options available for help with essential living costs such as rent/mortgage, bills and food.

You can call your local council to find out about the criteria for applying to get a crisis loan.

You can also contact The Citizens Advice for help with debt and other financial matters on 03444 111 444 or visit their website to talk to them online at https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/debt-and-money/

There are local food banks should you need help with food, you can find the nearest one to you by visiting www.trusselltrust.org/get-help/find-a-foodbank/

There is also some really good advice from Stepchange and the National Debt line for coping over the festive period, you can find this on the below links:-

https://www.stepchange.org/clients/dmp-during-festive-season.aspx

https://www.nationaldebtline.org/EW/Pages/Christmas-tips.aspx

I wonder if you may be turning to gambling as a way of dealing with the emotions from the difficult time you talk about when you was with your ex husband? You mentioned the misery, despising it and losing your home which must have been an exceptionally hard, painful and traumatic time. Have you ever talked about this and the negative impact it had on you and your Family? If not, do you think some talking therapy would help?

It is important to talk about how you're feeling and what you're thinking so we would always encourage you to open up to your support network if possible. We understand this isn't always an option and there is no pressure, some people find it lifts a weight from them when they release the burden of keeping everything a secret. It can do wonders for your mental and general health when everything is out in the open.

We are here for your Family too, if your daughter, any of your other Family members or friends need support then please let them know they can also call us too. They can also attend an online meeting every Sunday from 8pm until 9pm that is specifically for the Family and Friends of problem gamblers by accessing it at  http://gamanon.org.uk/?page_id=30

Please remember to be kind to yourself, problem gambling does not discriminate from the vast variation of people who find themselves with a gambling problem. The great thing to come from all of this is that you've reached out for help today and that there is so much help, support, advice and guidance waiting for you.

Please call our helpline on 0808 8020 133 or access our Netline via our GamCare website so we can talk things through together. Alternatively, you can email your details to Forum.Admin@gamcare.org.uk and we will arrange a call back to you.

We believe in you and we know you can make the change. You can break the cycle again.

We look forward to speaking with you soon,

Kindest Regards

Joanne

Forum Admin

Hi Bonnie and Welcome to the forum.

Openness and honesty are your saviors. You are now starting to see that.

When you are ready for the born again moment, telling your family will just seem right. There is no shame in admitting to this. It has affected countless people including you.

The addiction acts like a drug addiction which hooks you. You know it makes your life far worse. Your life will be much better gamble free...I promise you that.

You will build a new pride in regaining control of your life. With planning and financial advice you will build a rainy day fund and have a new relationship with life.

Make no mistake you can not do this alone. Ideally you will need to be on a small allowance as you do the cold turkey. Your family can be a great help but you must all learn about the sheer power of this addiction.

You can never be complacent again for the rest of your life but you make that a positive statement, you are proud of.

Gambling kills people...lets be blunt about it. If you get off the hell train now you can turn your life around.

Start the self exclusion process...How old is your daughter? Tell her if she is old enough to understand...start realising whats important in this life. Gambling was never the answer to your finances or feelings

A full recovery will save any quality of life for you and your family

Best wishes from everyone on the forum