Worried mum

Hi j

Firstly to help your son he also needs to help himself.

A. Few things you can do is have access to his credit file so you can see any lines of credit.

Obviously take away his card's
Remove the cvv code from the reverse it's then usless online if he trys to use it.

At the top of this page is a sticky on blocking software personally I'd use the paid version.

Counselling I'm sure can only be attended by the recipient
I think you can go with but not into the meeting with him.

Maybe see if he will join a local ga meeting

Ask him to sign up to this forum we're a friendly bunch and he will relate to a lot of the members post's and will maybe feel not so alone.

Lastly please not matter how much it hurts don't bail him out.
It's actually the worse thing you can do. Unfortunately he needs to feel the pain of paying it back and that hopefully will make him realise his mistakes.

Best wishes
Deano

Hi JHAL

As a CG I can only give my side of the story and don't doubt your son is in a horrible place right now but by the sounds of it he's has got the support he needs round him. Him having no control over money is probably a good idea but the main thing is he has to WANT to stop !! As you have said he knows you are there for him to talk to but he can't as he thinks everyone will hate him ! I know exactly how he feels as i couldn't talk to even my wife about my gambling and got caught out for the 3rd time by her over Xmas and my life is in tatters at the moment over gambling so I can relate to how he's feeling and let me tell you it won't be good. As Dean0 has said there's plenty off support on here an through the help line and forums and even try getting him to a GA meeting if you can as they do help ! Hope you get yourself and your son sorted as it's a horrible addiction/illness and causes so much damage to people's lives !!!

"It's good to talk and take it one day at a time"

All the Best

Darren

Hi Dean0 and Woodley3

thank you both for your advice.I am having a chat with him this afternoon and the first thing I'm going to do is try and get him to join this site as I think it would really help him to put down in words exactly how he feels, why he feels the need to gamble etc and he will be able to realise he's not the only one with this problem and reading other people's struggles and recoveries will help . He finds it hard to talk but writing things down on this forum may be easier. I don't know why he finds it hard to talk to me as I really go try to listen, understand and help . We can try blocking these sites on his phone and me or his partner taking over control of his money although I think it would be easier for me at the moment . The one thing that I'm struggling with is how this credit card can be paid off without my help . I worry that when he's down and feels likes there is no way out what goes through his mind . Will keep updating and reading other people's struggles and triumphs as it really does help . X

I totally understand how your son feels as that is was my biggest problem not talking about my gambling addiction to anyone but once I was found out again I am finding it easier to talk even though I'm very ashamed for what I've have done to my family. This site will do him good even just reading others storie, he will see he's not on his own like he will think he is, also don't know if you have a GA meeting near you but I would advise him to get along to one of them.

Darren

Hi there I'm sorry to hear about your troubles.

You say your son doesn't want the face to face help, maybe suggest him opening a thread up on here. Does his girlfriend know as well?

From a psychological perspective gambling makes us want more & there is no-cut off point. Relapses are commonplace & catch us off guard often: it's a daily battle where we quash our affliction a day at a time. Not saying it's easy coz it isn't.

I think personally he needs a plan of action moving forward. When we don't gamble we start to become the great people we were before & it's about seeing the faith & hope restored to those who love you the most.

I'll just leave it there for the time being.

Post on my thread if u need anything.

My name is Rob & I am a compulsive gambler, the last time I had a bet were 18/1/17

Hi JHAL

Does he want to stop? Because the truth is unless he does he won't. There are a raft of unpalatable things it would be advisable for him to do if he's to beat this. Kicking up about the one thing that's been suggested so far doesn't bode well. It's easy to get consumed running round trying to fix things for a CG but shielding them from the consequences of their actions doesn't help in the long run. What is he proposing to do about this new debt?

CG's live in a dream world. My advice would be to let him start to make the connection between his actions and their consequences.

Hi JHAL

My parents bailed me out twice in the past and both times I started to gamble again and got myself in an even bigger mess. You see when us compulsive gamblers are bailed out financially, we see it as a clean slate for us to start the cycle all over again. It doesn't do either side any favours.

I would strongly recommend you not to pay off his debt. I have £7k on a credit card which I am paying off. My credit rating is in tatters from years of gambling and it's an unsecured debt at the end of the day so I pay them what I can afford each month, even if it's as low as £30.

If he has a good credit rating still and you don't want the credit card to damage that, perhaps look at a 0% balance transfer to a new card but you must must must take charge of both cards and control them so he doesn't rack up new debts on them. Been there, done that.

In terms of your sons recovery, he has got to truly want to stop gambling. I have only just realised this myself after 12 years of gambling. In the past I didn't truly want to stop gambling, I just wanted to stop losing.

How did the chat go with him this afternoon?

Hi all , we had a good chat yesterday and blocks have been put on his phone now so he can't access any gambling sites . This is where he does his gambling . Years ago he played poker online and was a good player . The troubles began when as he won games of £5.00 these turned into £10, £30, £50 as he wanted to win more . He continued to win on a very regular basis but then again he wanted to win more so changed to cash tables instead of double your money games and this is when he started to lose . Then because he'd lost he wanted a quick fix and started to bet on virtual football. He talks about how he wishes he could turn the clock back to when he would be gutted if he lost £5.00 . He says he would never gamble that much money if he was handing over cash but online it doesn't seem real then you lose a lot so chase and chase until before you know it you've lost hundreds . I want him to join this site and know that he isn't alone with this addiction/illness , I think it would really help for him to open up and although we did have a good talk I know Hevesy finds it easier to put things down in writing . I'm going to find a GA meeting and he said he will go with someone although he doesn't really want to but I do believe he wants to beat this. I have suggested doing some sort of course to learn something he could do part time which would give him extra money (plastering tiling joinery anything that he thinks he would enjoy doing then I think this would give him something positive to look towards . I have told him he could lose everything including his girlfriend and baby daughter . I know he wants to beat this but know it's a tough road ahead . I've text him today saying today is Day 1 to the start of a better way of life and he knows he can talk to me or his immediate family or his girlfriend so fingers crossed he can beat this . Love to hear of things such as meetings, counselling , forums that CGs believe have helped them and be able to show him successful stories of how people have beaten their gambling addictions .

X

Hi again

Something else he doesn't want to do?

If he's going to arrest this (not beat - once the line into addiction has been crossed staying free is a lifelong commitment) he needs to understand he may very well need to step out of the comfort zone. It is a tough road and part of walking it is taking responsibility for what he's done and finding ways to show he's serious about walking it. I don't want to sound harsh but words mean nothing at this point. For him, it's actions that will count. The success stories come from those who are willing to do all it takes regardless of inconvenience and embarrassment and then keep on doing it.