2 years on......

Hi everyone.

I noticed when I joined this site that when I searched for posts from people who have been on the journey for a while, there wasn't much from people a couple of years in. So I'm writing this for the new guys. The ones who can't see any light at the end of the tunnel, and the ones who want to know what a GF life is like.

I'm 700 odd days gamble free. 

I want to let you know what's happened with my particular journey.

After breaking down with my boss at work when things got a little too much. He got me on to councelling. At this point, I still hadn't told my wife. I promised her a year before that I would never gamble again. The consequences were that if I was to it again, then she would leave me. So I wanted to prolong the pain for as long as possible. 

Through the councelling sessions, it became apparent that I can't hide it. I owed it to my wife and newborn to come clean, whatever the outcome. 

I broke my wife's heart. As I was telling her what I'd done, I could literally see the heart breaking. The man she married was a totally different person to the one she first met. I cried as I contemplated sleeping in my car for the foreseeable, and being a part time dad to my girl who I love more than life itself. 

It took around 3-4 months, but my wife decided not to kick me out. 

Then, I had to tell my friends and my family. At first, it was shame. But after a while, it becomes empowering. Everybody knows, then it's down to you and only you not to present the situation where you can gamble. 

I managed to get a loan to pay off my considerable credit card debt. It's going to take me another 4 years to clear it, and I'm skint until that point. But it's a target to aim for and every payment that's made, is another month gamble free. It's painful, and sacrifices have been made but its so much better than the alternative.

I've just found out my wife is pregnant with our second child and I'm relieved I can approach this one without being the compulsive, horrible, sneaky, gambler I was with our first. 

Please don't get me wrong, I will NEVER be over it. I still see the gambling ads. I still get tempted to buy a scratch card when I'm at the till. I still sit up at night thinking it would be a good idea to make that one last deposit to try and clear my debt. Bit I don't act on it anymore. I simply have too much too lose and have properly smelt the coffee!

Bottom line is this. 

If you are just starting on your journey and think that life is over, that it can't get any better. I am living, breathing proof, that it can, and it does!  It takes time, you are going to hurt a lot of people, you have to gain trust again, and you have to trust yourself again. Bit it does get better. Remember though, that it's all down to you! If you're on this forum, then you want to change. Brilliant!! 

The help is out there. 

Please, I implore you, TELL SOMEONE.  Your boss, your wife, your brother, your sister, your mum,  your dad, your husband, your wife, your vicar/imam/priest/rabbi whoever! It's the key, it really is. The rest will fall into place. 

I wish you all the success, happiness, and determination in kicking it's b**t.

Matt