Hi everyone, im new to the forum and hopefully this forum would help me recover from my gambling addiction.
Please bare with me, i just want to vent a little as im on the edge of my sanity.
I'm currently 22yo and have been struggling with gambling addiction since i was 14, back then i started gambling on a game called CS:GO where i would bet In-game items that i bought with real money by placing it on a coinflip against the other person, and before i knew it every month i would spent all the money my parents gave to me on the first day of the month just flipping coins. Before i knew it 3 years pass by and what seems like an innocent In-Game gambling i would soon turn into Online Casino.
The habit i did of spending my money until the last cent carried over when i started playing on the online casino, if i even have 5$ left on my bank account my heart would feel uneasy and the only thing that can calm me down is to not have money at all. The cycle continued for another 2 years until 2021 where i started opening my business and making a lot of money, cause i have been busy running my business for the first time in my life i forgot about gambling altogether and that would continue for 8 months that was the happiest months where i truly feel alive. But as days pass by i started getting burned out and i hired peoples to run my business for me, and there was nothing left for me to do.
A week pass by, a feeling of boredom is slowly getting into me and thinking that i have more money than what average people would make in 10 years at the age of 20. It's easy to guess where i can spend those hard earned cash, at the time i think to myself $ lost wouldn't be so bad and i can just stop when i lose. On the first day after being clean for 8 months, i won $ and the feeling of adrenaline has never been so good. I continued for 2 weeks and everyday i would won more and brag to my friends about how i make X amount of money in just a span of minutes.
Well that didn't last long, in just 1 day i would lose all my savings, investments and the winnings i got from the last 2 weeks im back to having 0 cent to my name. Losing all my hard earned money made me lose motivation to work and i just shut myself into my room for a month, my employees are reaching out to me to no response leading to the business dying on its own. No one knew i'm addicted to gambling except my closest friend, even they are not aware on how much money i have lost, My parents still think that im making money everyday working my a*s off in front of the computer when in reality i just waste my time watching youtube and playing games all day barely working. I have been living like this for 2 and a half years.
My income is one-tenth what it used to be and i still gamble every month trying to make it all back, my parents still believe that im their smart hard working son. Whenever they would ask if my business is going great, i would lie telling them its as great as ever. I just don't want them to be disappointed looking at the failure of a son i have become, one of these days i feel like of ending it all cause there is no going back what has been done is done. Every passing second i feel anxious like my heart is racing even though im not doing anything, i have trouble sleeping, i have a major depression issue, and i tried to hide it all by acting like everything is alright. I always think if i should stop, but if i stop now how can i get back my money and time that i have lost ?
My life has completely been ruined, but i still have a long way to go.
I'm still deciding to come clean to my parents about my situation and would seek a therapist to help, if you are new to gambling please don't make the same mistake that i did.
No matter how much money you win, you will lose it all eventually. The biggest win in gambling is to stop playing. That's all, i just want to vent what i have been keeping in my heart for so long and i feel like i just let out a huge boulder off my chest.
TL;DR I have been gambling for 8 years, can't stop until i spent every last cent. My parents still think im making a lot of money when in truth my bank account is always empty and i would lie to them to not make them disappointed at me.
In your post you say 'if I stop now how can I get back the money I lost' - You cant. You will just lose more. This is your first barrier to overcome. You cannot ever think you will win the money back. You mention this later in that the only winner is those who stop. Do you believe that truly? If so, forget the money. The past is the past. It cannot be changed. You cannot ever go back, so start with a clean slate from now.
The first step in recovery is to come clean. To yourself first. Do I really want to quit? Can I forget the past, the money lost, the time wasted, the lies told? Then you need to get it out in the open. You need someone to hear your story. This makes you accountable. Tell them everything and also how you want to quit. If you then have a desire to go back, you have the knowledge that someone else will be let down. Complete openness is how you begin. It will be tough, it will be a shock to you and to someone, but you need help. This illness thrives on secrets, so it needs to be aired.
Now you need to change your whole frame of mind. Instead of Youtube, go for a walk, read a book, change things up. Routine is key, but not the one you are in now. To really change from gambler to non gambler, you really do need to become a different person. Trust me, once you figure this out and make the change you will feel like a new person. You will feel like a better person.
There is tons of help on here, read through everything. The highs, the lows, the successes and the set backs. You are not alone, and you can beat this. You are young enough to turn this around and be a happy, stress free person. I was 46 before I realised this and am now 132 days gamble free. My life now is completely different to what is was, but gambling took everything from me. I cant change that, so I changed me.
Good luck and keep coming here for help and advice.
Stay strong 👍
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