25 days since my last play but is it progress?

It is a success Matty. Ever day is a success.

Stop being so hard on yourself and take some credit for what you have achieved.

Keep going bud. You are doing great.

I just feel like 25 days isn't something i should be singing and chanting about, I want to enjoy being free each day but after a 14 year run of this being an ongoing problem it just feels like a very minor thing. My fianceГ© reitterated this morning that she is really impressed with changes i have made and that i have been coping without gambling but i feel like i can't be proud because of all the pain i have caused her.

Your past is your past and it cannot change - you will probably beat yourself up about it but over time you will learn to accept it. I still struggle to accept the things I have done and people I have hurt but I can only change the things I do today.

25 days cold turkey after 14 years is excellent. Perhaps it might be worth you not thinking of a number of days that you want to celebrate without gambling, just celebrate each day as a person who is gamble free.

Hi Matty.

My best advice is that you are thinking along the right lines. I dont make a song and dance about nearly two years free but I do feel good inside....calm and serene at times. Its not euphoria...just a calm feeling that I have my life back and everything is going as well as can be expected

The real tests are discussing your blocks and knowing that you are not likely to break them and havent been trying to get around them. Discuss your feelings and take pride in reporting your financial situation to your loved ones.

The real test is learning all about the addiction and realising you can never be complacent. There is never any room for half measures. Anywhere you are working or travelling past must be blocked so you dont feel welcome at all. If you can live on an allowance it strengthens everything while your mind heals

Now the days are obviously a sign of positivity but its more about a born again moment when you know you are doing the right things on a daily basis.

I will still use the present tense even now. I am a compulsive gambler but I have no urges now.

So my view is the days rack up and you dont have to stress about counting the days if you know that you are discussing your feelings and are ready for a full recovery. Its not a desperate fight if you are getting the right help and can discuss it in a good atmosphere.

There is no shame in admitting it got to you as it did with all of us. I never thought I could get addicted to anything but the strong power of a gambling addiction can make us feel we have some control until it gets so desperate that we finally realise and do something about it.

So you can be proud of yourself and build on those feelings. However I feel the focus is on your strong blocks and help from your partner.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

I personally feel you should take an inner pride of your achievement. The past cannot be changed but the future can and each day without gambling is a success. We are all here just one bet from disaster and taking things one day at a time is a good analogy.

Hopefully the longer you abstain you will begin to notice subtle changes to you as a person and changes for the better. For me i now no longer lie about money and.do not rob Peter to pay Paul.

Time itself is a great healer and dont be too hard on yourself.

Tomorrow we will not gamble.

Best wishes

I appreciate the comments from you Joydivider and Bal, I do live on an allowance and my fianceГ© controls my money and my wages get paid to her account. We talk through EVERYTHING finance, our feelings about the gambling and how I feel now I have stopped.
She worries a lot that I am suffering with withdrawl symptoms cos i get frustrated with things quite easily, I don't feel it is withdrawl I feel it is anger and frustration at myself for all that this has caused. I take each day as another day of freedom but just feel that at this early stage it is such a minor thing after so long struggling with the addiction.
I am at counselling today with the Breakeven team who I was refferred to by GAMCARE, my counsellor Nuno has already given me some really good starting pointers to work with so I am quite looking forward to seeing what he says today. Becca is coming with me aswell to sit in on the appointment and maybe have her say aswell which I also think will be good.
I really hate that I have a gambling addiction it is really hard to live with and accept cos I feel dirty almost, like I am a worthless piece of c**P when I tell people. Some people are really great and supportive, others look at me as if they have never made a mistake and don't have problems but I wouldn't wish on them a single day in the life of an addict it's horrible.

Quick question.

My counsellor was called Nuno and he was based in Ipswich. Maybe a coincidence but if it is the same one he is excellent.

He is in Norwich and used to be in Ipswich, he is really friendly and quite easy to talk to about all of this

Probably the same guy then. I worked in ipswich as the norwich branch closed down.

Well done on staying gamble free Matty4becca15, like the others have said dont be so hard on yourself. The emotions of shame, anger and disgust are typical for a compulsive gambler. None of us are stupid, yet we see all that gambling took from us and we danced to its tune, so natural to be angry.

Getting councelling is good but I also recommmend getting to a GA meeting, these are meetings with fellow compulsive gamblers and they will help with the emotions and feelings you are gooing through. I have learned so much from mine and others even learn from you.

Your partner is right to be proud of you, dont forget she lived with you while you were in the grip of this addiction, I know mine has said also she sees a massive change in me and my personality after just 6 months and we have a much better rleationship as a result. Finacially we use a spread sheet as a budget so we can see the money thats been saved and plan for things likes holidays etc so we can start enjoying life again. When i think about all the money i have wasted gambling in the last 20 years, I should have all the things I am working towards by now (nice house, nice holidays etc) but I dont and cant go back in time. I need to focus on today and plan for tomorrow which I am doing. Beating myself up about the past is a waste of time and energy, I just need to learn from it.

Keep up the good work mate, its not easy. One day at a time