4 years

Hi, not sickened and angry, we are all here because of the compulsive nature of this addiction and it drew you back in. Take the positives, firstly well done on clearing your original debt and secondly for realising you were back in a bad place.

Start again with the blockers and work your way out of it again, it's a lifelong commitment this horrible addiction and your post is a reminder to anyone who thinks it can't sneak back into our lives at any time.

All the best

Hi

The gambling establishments did not make me do any thing I that I did not want to do.

Then why would I cause myself pain and more suffering and self abuse.

Did I understand walking out of a gambling establishments having lost every thing.

Was I angry, was I in pain, was I afraid, did I feel lost and confused.

Why would I think that the gambling establishments would make me feel happy, that money would make me happy.

My addiction and obsessions just indicated how emotionally vulnerable I was.

Did my pains and my fears drive me to gamble, if so would I not hurt myself more and more giving away my money.

For me the recovery program was about healing my unhealthy pains from long before my addictions and my obsessions.

My addiction and obsessions were very much feared based for me sadly by trying to escape in to very unhealthy habits I caused myself more and more pan.

Is it possible to give up my unhealthy habits and take up healthy habits.

I could not heal if I was not willing to admit to myself I have pains with in me.

I could not face my fears to myself so how could I reduce my fears if I would not admit them to myself.

Reading text on its own was not enough for me to get healthy. 

Listening time and time to same very old sad war stores again was living in the past its own was not enough for me to get healthy.

After all how long would it take me to get wise and both want and need to heal the hurt child with in me.

The recovery program would help me help myself become healthier and more motivated with my life.

I do not have to do any thing I do not want to do today.

Today I do not want or need to gamble, if I wanted to gamble no one could stop me.

Life with out gambling, life with out getting drunk is much healthier, life with out smoking drunk is much healthier, life with out lying and procrastination is much healthier, life with out living in fear is much healthier, life with out getting angry  is so much healthier, life with out living in the pains of the past is much healthier.

As my walls of fears came down brick by brick I was able to get out and have intimacy with myself and other people.

Not being myself I am cheating myself, living in guilt and shame I am cheating myself, living with empathy for myself I am cheating myself, being impatient and intolerant I am cheating and hurting myself.

Am I nurturing encouraging and affectionate towards myself today.

There was long time I hated myself, I hated who I had become, I hated going against my own conscience, I hated being my own worst enemy. 

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham

Posted by: @oranje01

So it's taken me 4 horrific years to get out of debt. I put all the blocks in place and took one step at a time to pay off my gambling debts. I thought I'd feel happy clearing off the debt but it doesn't feel anything like that, the main reason is because Ive taken up gambling again and want to win back every penny I lost when I gambled before. Last week I nearly undid all the 4years of hard work by borrowing a huge amount of money and almost blowing it all in one session. That should have been the wake up call to stop, but that spin made me feel invincible and further fueled the addiction. 

I know many of you my be sickened and angry at me for making these comments but I want to be honest with you  and welcome your feedback.

Oranje

Hi, sorry to hear of your journey back to gambling. I have had similar stories when I gambled where I just add to my debt after I cleared some of it. 

Where are you at now with it all? Are you back to square one? You can get yourself back out of it again using the same techniques, help and tools you used before.

You can do it! Good Luck