Good evening all.
I really need to vent everything if I may, I don't really have anyone else to talk to, being a problem gambler there is no one for me to talk to. After many times of trying to invite me to various places or to go out for drinks etc and me constantly making excuses or just not turning up, friends just drift away. Also only someone who has been through or is going through the same thing can really understand you better. So here goes.
Firstly my name is Rob and I have a gambling problem, it has really spiralled badly out of control over the last 18 months, to the point that bills have been missed ,things have been pawned and even rent payments have been missed. Now things have essentially caught up with me.
Here we go then, my gambling has mainly been online some in the shops, but there has been no sense of control at all, I used to be able to even after a big loss walk away and keep the rest of my money for rent bills etc, but now there is no control at all over the last few months I have not been very well so I have had about 24 days off work in total, as I dont get paid sick pay each day sick costs me money, so my wages for the last 2 months have been lower than usual which means I have just gambled it all away on payday, trying to make back rent money etc, but lost it all. So as well as rent arrears for previous months due to ill health and gambling I have not paid rent for the last 2 months simply because even before the gambling I did not have enough due to sick days.
So now my landlord (rightly so ) is chasing me for the money, but me being the coward who burys his head in the sand when problems come have currently turned off my phone. Also for the last few months I have being staying with my elderly parents, mainly to look after my mum when she hurt her back then I got really ill with a viral infection and was unable to look after myself, the issue is my parents HATE each other they have so much venom for each other and when I am here its awful when they are at each others throats which is most days, it reminds me again of the toxic household I grew up in and because this is a small place I cant escape it, also because their hearing is not great the TV is on so loud, as I am sensitive to loud noise I get really frustrated and agitated , but I dont snap at them because I am the one who has to be understanding. (sorry that paragraph was a digression I needed to vent )
Anyway because of my rent arrears due to sickness and gambling I cant afford to pay the rent and the arrears. So if I have to move in with my parents if he asks me to leave, I can pay him a amount each month for however long it takes to pay him back and I also would be in the position to save a some money each month to get a deposit for a new rented place.
In terms of where I am gambling wise I am 7 days gamble free, I have £10 a day cash for lunch etc and dont have access to my card , so if the urges come I cant act on them. I also have self exclusions in place.
I am very grateful for alot of things in my life, I have a job its min wage but if I work overtime i can get a nice pay, plus the money I have been losing each month I will be able to put away and start paying my debts. I am very grateful that I have my parents and people who love me , I have my health plus studying a degree at the Open University.
I know its going to be difficult to move back in with my parents, pay my debts and rebuild etc, but its the only path I am going to take, because I am just so so sick of gambling and the devestating consequences it has caused me mentally and financially.
As I said before I have been one for ignoring problems and just letting them get worse, instead of confronting them head on and deal with them in a mature manner.
So tomorrow I am going to call my land lord explain things and most importantly be totally honest and transparent about everything and listen to what he has to say and suggests then I can work out a plan , instead of assuming the worst outcome and running away like I used to.
Anyway thanks so much for listening. I feel so much better for being able to get all of this off my chest its been ages since have been bottling this all up, its so nice for it to all be out in the open.
I will post again tomorrow after speaking to my landlord and share the outcome( the coward in me does dont want to call him and just keep my phone off and ignore the situation, but that method has not helped me at all lol )
kind regards
Robert
Hi Robert.
Wow congratulations for getting here and being 10 days gamble free. That's f*****G amazing on top of clearing house by the sounds of what you have posted here... I can relate to this when I had to go back to live with my parents and even chuck my job in and that shift set me on a much better path in life.
I know it may feel embarrassing and shameful and yes we all have put are heads in the sand at some point but it's fantastic you are hitting this head on and not reverting to old ways.
If temptation comes back try to talk to trusted loved ones about It if you can. I would also recommend a physical GA meeting if you have one locally you can get too. That's helped me just as much as gamcare
Also remember to get GameStop to stop access to gambling sites online.
I hope you talk to your landlord and can come to some arrangement. Just remember hard work can only get you out of this now and I hope it works out.
Take care and continue posting
Dave101..
Just for today I will not gamble, and be suspicious of my morning tea.
Hi
Every time we go back or escape is a chnce to learn what our last emotional was.
The addictions and obsessions just indciate that we are emotionally vulnerable.
Take good care of your self.
Dave L
Hi all .
Sorry did not post yesterday the coward in me made me run from my problems, so I didn't phone my land lord.
But today I told myself enough is enough no more running, so I called him, and just told him everything why I had missed rent ,sickness everything, and it felt Absolutely Amazing, because there was no more hiding or covering up things, and I was almost freed from this horrible cloak of lies, hiding and deception.
I explained everything and said to him ,I will do what ever I need to do and I will pay you all your money back. If you want me to leave that's fine I will sign a contract of paying a certain amount of money to you each month until its paid however long it takes, if you want me to stay then I will pay a little extra each month.
So he is going to work out what I owe him and we will work out what ever is best to do.
But it feels absolutely amazing to have just spilled out the truth and get it all out in the open ,feel wonderful about telling the truth.
Thanks so much for your advice,9 days gamble free and finally facing my problems.
Robert
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