Today is 6 months exactly since I last placed a bet and I wanted to share a little around what's changed (and what's remained the same) since then.
6th June 2024 - the day I finally tried to win my life back.
For context, that was also the day that my wife heard of my third relapse since we'd been together. That relapse lasted approximately 18 months on and off. That day she also found out the double life I was living, the lies I had fabricated and the debt I had created for us as a newly married couple... Not the best way to start the rest of your life together.
Thankfully (even though it didn't seem likely at the time) my wife stood by me and in the past 6 months I have changed my relationship with money, my time and how I cope with stressful situations.
The first step for me this time around was admitting to myself that gambling has a complete control over me. It turns me into a frantic mess - trying to find every opportunity possible to get my rush and to hand over my hard earned money to gambling companies with ever increasing profits.
In these past 6 months I've changed by
- trying to be as honest as possible no matter how uncomfortable it might feel. To be completely transparent around my intent and actions has enabled me to fund peace in myself without needing to hide away in the back corner of a bookies for hours every day.
- committing to getting support and to talking through my emotions and thoughts. I've found GA extremely helpful, non judgemental and a comfort to know I'm not alone in my struggles. Admittedly I haven't attended a meeting in a couple of months and know that I need that support.
"One bet is too much and a thousand is never enough"
I'm by no means an angel and still sometimes struggle to control emotions which prompts that thought of going and relieving my stresses in an online casino or bookies but I know that even one bet will spiral into me becoming a manipulative liar.
Anyways, that's my brain dump to hopefully reflect on when I reach my one year milestone. Peace, love, and just for today I will not gamble.
SAD23
Well done on 6 months, keep strong and focused and enjoy the GF life you have made for yourself 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
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