An update from Self Exclusion #2

Hello there, I posted a while ago that I was going to be self-excluding again and trying to block all access to gambling and this has been the outcome so far. 

I’ve been around 70 days without gambling, which is great. 
I’ve managed to pay around 50% of the debt back that I owe to the bank and around 50% off the loan I took that I ended up gambling.

It all sounds great but I still feel pretty terrible lol. Gambling still crosses my mind several times throughout the day and I don’t help myself by occasionally watching YouTube slot videos of some of my favourite content creators. Dearie me. 

A little unrelated but I’m also withdrawing from nicotine using NRT so doubled down on the pain really. But there is hope for us all. I am also having occasional conversations with a gambling practitioner and trying to be as HONEST as I can, it is very difficult, us gamblers tend to not share the fully story, well at least I struggle to.

I make it a conscious exercise to be open and honest about the absolute mess I got myself into and everyone has been so very supportive and loving. If I could encourage anything, it is to be honest with others and you’ll slowly start to become more honest with yourself too. I am still working on self love, there is still unconscious parts of me that are unhealed, where I will reach for something external to ease the pain. 

But overall there is definitely hope and recovery for all, just keep searching with an open heart and you will find it eventually, it will probably take some time, it took so long for me honestly. I’ll still be in debt for a while but one day at a time, blessings ☀️