I have had many last days in the last 10 years. Yes, it's crazy making. Today I gambled a few hundred. Out of the blue I went feeling so light and happy and then realizing that I once again created chaos within my already difficult life situation. I was reading online about stages of recovery. One was the exploration stage then early recovery then active recovery. I have not entered active recovery yet I say that I've been in recovery for about 3 years. I am in early recovery for so long. I really want active recovery. Wednesday is the new moon. It's a good time to start anew. I am. I want this Acitive recovery for myself. I still have some money to my name but I have a very minimal job which has me using saved money to live and it is very scarey. I want to use the saved money for security and also to relocate . I want work and I feel complacent. Gambling really dropped me off on the bottom floor and I've chosen to revisit that floor and scrub it many many times over. I know the feeling of moving on then I ruin the harvest and burn the wheat only to end up down on that darn bottom floor scrubbin up my mess. I am into lying again and I thought that I was completely honest. I slipped on many levels. I am ready for active recovery. I have to forgive myself and also believe myself that it can be different this time. thx.
My diary is "active recovery" there are few more words but I now forgot the exact title of the diary. I hope people will read it and respond. I will also try to support others. T2
Hi tara,
Can you please explain me a bit more about early recovery and active recovery. I just don't want my old gambling habit to come back.
Hi Tara.
I know how hard it can be to abstain. I think reading between the lines here everyone struggles and some more than others. It all comes down to chemistry and lies really. Our brains work on the reward system and releases something called dopamine. If it is used to much (Ie to much dopamine) it can start an imbalance in the brain wich is then called addiction. Problem with all our addiction is a simple equation You need more of the same to keep on with the high=It escalates. This means your brain does not get better by gambling it gets worse. So a change of enviroment is a must. I have had a very heavy addiction in my life time wich has cost me millions. Out of three levels of gambling addict I was close to the one most out of control. I still struggle with impulse control. I started my journey back by getting myslef extremly educated in this subject. If you want advice, councellors are the first choice. As most of us has had depresions and traumas you may want to try hypnotherapy as it is a quicker fix if they can locate the source of the depresion that is. A short time back I told a friend who lived his life like it as it was the last day, to start thinking about living his life like it was the first day instead as it may bring some hope. We dont get rich or die trying. Alot of us just die trying and it is important to start thinking about how you feel inside. Everyday is anew oportunity for recovery. Decide to do something different everyday and things will change.
Best of luck in your recovery!
merlins and c43h, This thread is from 2015 and it's now 2018. I can bearly bare to read my old posts but I have read some of them and I've also gone back to an older diary to make my most recent posts. I can't really explain what I was talking about back then merlins... I'm here today and that's what counts. take care all. tara2
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