Hello everyone... ive been a member here for just over 2 years. During that time ive been gamble free then gambled then gamble free then gambled and so on.. untill yesterday, i was 95 days gamble free. I thought I was cured. Untill a thought came over me which was overpowering and within 20 minutes id lost £900 on online slots... I was so devastated to think that its came back to haunt me, its took me a full day to come to terms and write a post on here. Now, I have a beautiful fiancГЁ who knows about my gambling in the last few years but who has basically said that its the last straw if it happens again. So I know that if I tell her this then I dont know if she’l still be with me after it. Im not it any debt, lucky enough to have a good job and money in the bank. But im scared that next time im alone for one night this might happen again. Ive already had hypnotherapy and counselling. Now im a firm believer of your never actually cured of this horrible illness. I dont really know where else to turn. I want obviously to give control my money or get a new bank card and get the last 3 digits scratched off the back but that basically means i have to tell my partner. Which in the state of mind I feel im in right now I dont know if I can do... basically im looking for a bit of advice off of anyone whos been in a similar situation. Or just any general advice off people on here who I imagine have been too hell and back. Thanks for reading
Space.
I've just done the same after 50+ days. Same situtaion as you too. Good job, little debt and on final warning!
We both know the answer.... start again. Don't let the blip bog you down, but remember the feeling and try to avoid it again.
Hello Spaceman.
Try not to let this relapse get to you. You have gone 95 days without gambling and this is a massive achievement.
I understand that this relapse is causing you certain worries in regards to the possibility of losing your finacee. Now before i offer my advice on that i would like to mention that its seems you dont have any blocks in place to stop you gambling. I only assume this because you managed to gamble the money in the first place. I strongly suggest you self exclude from all the betting sites you use straight away. I'd also ring the national self exclusion line (google search it) and ban yourself right away from any shops. You may of only normally gambled online but you need to block any access to gamble if you want to fight this addiction. Never leave a door open.
Now another block i assume you didn't have in place is someone controlling your finances. You said "I want obviously to give control my money or get a new bank card and get the last 3 digits scratched off the back but that basically means i have to tell my partner". This is something you should of done when you partner said it's the last chance. Willpower alone wont help you with gambling addiction. Myself and others cant stress how important the blocks are. I'm not blaming you for not having any in place it's all about learning too when in recovery. Again i only assume you dont have them by your comments and how you managed to relapse.
As for telling your partner, there are a few ways you could approach it.
1. You could hand over your finances and order the new card/scratch numbers thing. Tell her that you can feel urges creeping back and you would feel alot more comfortable knowing she has control of your money so you dont relapse because you're scared of losing her if it happens. I'm sorry thats telling you to lie to her a little but its just a suggestion.
2. Mention that you want her to control your finances and then tell her the truth why. Even though she gave you one last chance, showing that you are willing to go to extreme blocks to stop you gambling may show her you're worthy of a second chance. She may also respect that you were honest.
3. Dont tell her or dont hand over your finances but then force yourself to self exclude like i said and maybe see if there is a family member or trusted friend who can control your finances without her knowing.
I hope everything works out for you mate and i'm here aswel as others to help you along the way. I'm 98 days gamble free and like you mentioned your never actually cured with this addiction. I will never let my guard down.
All the best, remember not to feel let down, you lasted a long time.
Embracing
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