Battling yourself

Ok it's a new day and I don't feel as preoccupied and worried as I did last night. I've been working for a relative this week as I'm on summer holiday from my main job and I think my relative might be giving me a bit of money for it. I would love to be able to turn around and say, 'no, keep it. I was just glad to help,' but I know I need the money.

How pathetic is that?

When you realise you can't do what you want because of past mistakes it brings everything back. I need to use the regret and torment I feel about past misdemeanours to fuel my resolution to not bet.

Sadly, I really hope I do get paid. Some of the money would go to the bank as an early repayment.

If anyone is reading this and half-thinking about having a bet on the horses today, don't do it. Ask yourself: where will it all stop? When you realise you'll only stop when you don't have anything left to bet with, you'll soon realise you have a problem..

LONG TERM HEALTH OVER SHORT TERM GAINS.

We can do it.

This has been a tough week. One of my relatives has been very unwell in hospital. Visiting her has been difficult. I haven't had a bet and, really, I haven't even been tempted. Instead of feeling an irresistible urge to bet, I am more just feeling generally down about 'the situation'. We should be fit and healthy to fight wars on multiple fronts and help others; I don't feel like I am at the moment though and that in itself is disappointing.

With mind over matter, I'll keep trucking; get my head down; concentrate on positives like my amazing girlfriend and family; throw myself into teaching my new class at class; be creative in thought and action. But it's not easy at the moment.

This is a war d**n it. And I'm going to win.

Its all about occupying your time with constructive activities.... I find if i throw myself into helping other people or doing things such as cleaning up it genuinley helps me to focus on the important things

Rainy Bank Holidays aren't used to me not betting. The laptop is on, but b*****r isn't open.

I find that days like today are prime problem gambling days; alone in the house, rain outside, racing from multiple tracks. Holidays in general are killer. Even the Christmas holiday is tough. You'd have thought you'd be way too busy at that time of year - Christmas cheer and all - but with a busy football schedule over that period and brilliant racing, such as the King George and Lexus Chase, sneaking away and wasting Christmassy afternoons at a computer screen are all too easy.

Christmas is four months away. Imagine not problem gambling for four whole months. Now that would be something to cheer...

Rainy Bank Holidays aren't used to me not betting. The laptop is on, but b*****r isn't open.

I find that days like today are prime problem gambling days; alone in the house, rain outside, racing from multiple tracks. Holidays in general are killer. Even the Christmas holiday is tough. You'd have thought you'd be way too busy at that time of year - Christmas cheer and all - but with a busy football schedule over that period and brilliant racing such as the King George and Lexus Chase sneaking away and wasting Christmassy afternoons at a computer screen are all too easy.

Christmas is four months away. Imagine not problem gambling for four whole months. Now that would be something to cheer...

onlythebrave wrote:

Rainy Bank Holidays aren't used to me not betting. The laptop is on, but b*****r isn't open.

I find that days like today are prime problem gambling days; alone in the house, rain outside, racing from multiple tracks. Holidays in general are killer. Even the Christmas holiday is tough. You'd have thought you'd be way too busy at that time of year - Christmas cheer and all - but with a busy football schedule over that period and brilliant racing, such as the King George and Lexus Chase, sneaking away and wasting Christmassy afternoons at a computer screen are all too easy.

Christmas is four months away. Imagine not problem gambling for four whole months. Now that would be something to cheer...

Easy to think of it in a rosy light but I've ruined plenty of Christmas holidays through gambling. There is surely a better way to live than to need gambling to enjoy it.

I couldn't agree more and if you told me now that in four months time I would spend Christmas with my family not gambling, I would be delighted.

I was simply talking about the sporting fare being fantastic. I love waking up on Boxing Day knowing there is a full round of football fixtures and I have always thought of the King George as being a really romantic race.

Unfortunately, I, like yourself by the sound of it, have a horribly hard time resisting gambling during the holidays. That was the point I was trying to make today. I apologise if I painted the holidays in a rosy light; Lord knows my prevalent mood at the moment is not a rosy one. Rather, I am trying to focus my energy on not betting.

I have lost money I simply never had. I've lost all perspective and am trying to fight the problem gambler in me.

You're 100% right - there has to be a better way to live.

Earlier on, I stumbled upon a thought that I meant to write here but which escaped me.

I'm aware that at the moment I am using this forum as almost a blog. I apologise if anybody objects to that. I would set up a conventional blog, but I like the 'community' feel this website has. I'm focussing hard on fighting my gambling problem and it feels nice to be 'talking' about it on here. For various reasons I don't yet feel like sharing everything as candidly with my family. The thought of that is horrifying.

Thanks for putting up with my blog-style of forum posting.

Back to school and work today for the first of two inset/training days.

I haven't had a bet now for ten days. I'm happy about that; it's a good start.

No. More. Gambling.

12 days bet free. I haven't been tempted to gamble for a while now. At the moment, I feel too busy; there's too many things I want/need to do/get done and that is really helping me to not bet.

At work. I'm making a big effect to not mention betting or odds when I talk to other people about sport.

Sounds like you've had a decent start otb! You will be pleasantly surprised how the odds that you automatically apply in your head to so many sports events dissipate more and more over time, til you just stop thinking that way. Keep busy!

Thanks. I'll endeavour to stay busy.

It's ridiculous how much odds and betting markets are still on the brain. I find it almost impossible to read the back pages of the paper without trying to price up the U.S. open tennis or this weekend's international matches. I'm a waking compendium of probable odds and naff tips.

I've been able to step away from the horses more easily for some reason. Hopefully that will last.

In an hour of stupidity I created a new account with a betting company and deposited money today. With money deposited, I scoured the markets available on the Peterborough match. But then, for some reason, I lost interest in it and withdrew my funds. Then I closed the account, no more than fifty minutes after opening it.

What the **** I was doing I don't know. I totally lost sight of the bigger picture.

Thankfully, I didn't have a bet and came out of it unscathed.

Even after two weeks of practically blogging about the need not to bet, my head is still turned by the idea of betting. I guess that's no surprise because I know how much of a problem I have and I know how much problem gambling afflicts. But it's still disappointing..

Two weeks and still counting. Just.

In an hour of stupidity I created a new account with a betting company and deposited money today. With money deposited, I scoured the markets available on the Peterborough match. But then, for some reason, I lost interest in it and withdrew my funds. Then I closed the account, no more than fifty minutes after opening it.

What the **** I was doing I don't know. I totally lost sight of the bigger picture.

Thankfully, I didn't have a bet and came out of it unscathed.

Even after two weeks of practically blogging about the need not to bet, my head is still turned by the idea of betting. I guess that's no surprise because I know how much of a problem I have and I know how much problem gambling afflicts. But it's still disappointing..

Two weeks and still counting. Just.