Biggest win ever , then subsequent loss of it saved my life.

Hi all I hope every one is keeping well and safe in these times.

So basically  I have had a gambling problem for many many years, then FOBTS came and it got worse, then the introduction to online slots made it even worse..

I have been in isolatation etc for 7 weeks now, in the first  week i was feeling ill, kept ignoring it, kept getting gradually worse etc ignored it, then started distracting myself with gambling, THIS IS 100% true what Iam about to say, I deposited some money and won £XX i then went on a mad run and won a total of £XX I withdrew £XX and left £XX online, but still breathing was getting worse ,could not sleep etc, but kept ingoring it ,just kept thinking about gambling.

Then after not being able to sleep /breathe very well decided to keep gambling, lost the £XX, then ,well i lost control reveresed the £XX and lost it all on roulette doing £XX spins.

The next day i felt awful physically and mentally. So i put all my energy into finding out what was triggering me being ill, i coughed up some blood, was going to call an ambulance,but figured it might not that bad.

So i spent the next few days researching, finding links between asthma and acid reflux, asthma and stress ancid and stress etc, I then complletely shifted my habits, I have stopped eating sugar, all fizzy drinks ,i am eating 3 times a day plus 2 healthy snacks, i am working out each day, i built a home gym using scaffollding poles etc, and i have learnt how to meditate.

I honestly feel completely different now as a person, confident ,focused, calm, i am still very unfit its going to take a while for cardio to improve etc, but i guess what i am saying is , if i had not lost that money, i would have continued everyday ignoring how i was feeling, and just obsessing over gambling,and I would have become so ill and possibly died .

There is such a long way to go in terms of gambling recovery, it has changed me as a person in the worst possible ways, as a gambler you become a very good liar, you can find ways of getting money to gamble , even if it means borrowing money, or selling things you own.

You become almost a person who has no sense of morals because you will say anything to feed and hide your addiction. These moments of somewhat clarity recently have allowed me to think back on the times where I gave someone a sob story so i could borrow money, or would use the excuse got extra taxed this month, work did not pay my over time etc, to cover up that you in fact did get paid but gambled it all away. Or being in the bookies being down to your last money , and its the choice between now keeping that money for food or gambling it, then you suddenly think if i gamble it i can borrow the money for food from somewhere. Its just a horrible existence.

Anyway I am sorry for the long post but I feel that if I am every going to fully heal I need to be really ,truly honest with everyone and most importantly myself, so I can actually realize the person that I have allowed myself and gambling to make me in too.

Kind regards Robert