cant cope anymore

Hello Sarahjxo,

Well done for returning to the forum for support.

It sounds like you are focused on your debt issue just now. Have you talked it through with a professional debt adviser? Many of our forum users have posted positive feedback about using free professional debt advice from services like the National Debtline 0808 808 4000, StepChange 0800 138 1111 or PayPlan 0800 280 2816.

You've mentioned how gambling has affected your mood and behaviour. Please speak about it with your GP if the stress is affecting your well being. Would you be interested in using free 1-2-1 counselling appointment services near your area? You could call our freephone 0808 8020 133 or our netline if you'd like an adviser to give you more details about GamCare counselling services near you.

You've posted about the idea of allowing your partner to control your finances. Many of our forum members do choose to limit their access to money as a way to make it easier to avoid gambling; you might want to combine this with additional blocks like self-exclusion agreements and blocking filters.

http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do

http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/blocking-software

Maybe you could start a diary in the Recovery Diaries section of the forum, as a way to chart your progress and maintain your motivation. You could also join our community chat rooms for a live group chat, where the friendly camaraderie of your peers on the forum may help to support your morale.

Take care,

Forum Admin.

For what's it worth I think you don't learn your lesson if people bail you out of financial mess.

Hi Sarah,

Thanks for your honest opening post. Some common symtons that we have all encountered, all of which come with a gambling addiction. I'm going to go through your post and ask questions which I hope you can answer.

What actons did you expect your partner to carry out to "get you back on track?". He's the innocent victim in all of this and probably if being a non-gambler doesn't really understand what this damage has/is/can do to peoples lives. No one can wave a magic wand and that will be it (I wish it could happen). You must want to stop, this means standing up to the addiction and making changes in your life to address the problem. I'm sorry but bail outs from the bank of mum and dad aren't going to help without having anything else in place. If you are struggling to pay back a monthly debt plan then I'm afraid you'll struggle to pay mum back too.

You defo have to tell your partner and probably mum & dad and getsomeone to start looking after your financies. Give the GamCare helpline a ring.

There is a better life being gamble free. There will be a better and happier Sarah that everyone will appreciate.

All the best.

Hi Sarah

re money off mum - you've said you don't want your mum to think you're taking advantage of her. Isn't the real issue whether you ARE taking advantage of her?

Does your mum know the true extent of your addiction? If not, imo you're taking advantage. Bail out without complete honesty and a a clear plan of action will almost certainly fail long term.

Louis

Sarah - I should add, I took money off my parents without telling them what lay behind me having no money. I just gave the impression things were tight. I was a general scrounger in an earlier relationship - my ex GF had a young kid she was supporting. I lived rent free with her and barely gave her a penny. Which is really shocking and worse than being a leech with my folks.

I just thought about what I wrote earlier - and didn't want to give the impression I was high and mighty, or too judgey.

I just think it can be helpful to get a bit of moral perspective. When I first came here quite a while ago - I hadn't told anyone about my gambling. I think I had internalised all kinds of morally dodgy things and made them acceptable. That was definitely bad for my sense of self-worth - I think no matter how much I convinced myself that I was a great person, and wasn't taking the p1ss, at least a small part of me never bought it.

Best wishes

Louis

Thankyou to all of yous for your comments. They have helped me to think about things more and yous are right I'm never going to get over this if I keep asking family for hand outs. I've now decided that I'm not going to ask family for money I'm going to get myself out of my debt myself. Only way I'm going to learn. I've been gamble free now for 5 days. It's a start. But finding it very difficult I also told my partner that I've spent a lot in the last week or other so he knows and is helping me. He's going to help manage my money better for awhile and see how it goes.