can’t get over losses

Hi there 

I’m not sure on your situation wether you have gambling debt, how Long you have been stopped etc. 
what I did was worked out how much I owed. Look at when I would be able to pay that off.  Say I was paying 500 a month for 18 months. I have now looked at what I am going to spend that money on in 18 months and committed to it and promised my self. For me it s getting a better car.  I start led off at 18 months now it’s nearly 17 months away. That works for me.  Know it sounds simple and may not work for everyone, but I actually have a real life thing to look forward too

hopefully you will find your answer from people posting suggestions 

all the best 

Hi cd,

I’m currently in gambling debt of 20k, still paying it off. Had enough to clear that debt, but decided to gamble to pass time, £25 initially and just chased and lost £2000. I’m not in debt again, thank god. 

But please don’t chase losses, it may not work out. Fair play if you win, but is that going to make you not want more? And end up losing it all again and being back to square one?

My advice as I’m suffering myself is just take the loss. Because it can be a hefty one if you start chasing. Self exclude and move onto positive things.

Best wishes - Ben

@cd1994

There are a few posts on here about getting over losses. Search the forum as many people have asked and many have answered with their experience.

For me there is no happy way to get over a loss or losses over the years. For a lot of problem gamblers it's the chasing of the losses that keep you going back.

The best advice really, which I've modified over time, is to draw a line in the sand as far as losses go. I said I've modified it in its meaning and I'll try to explain.

If you write something in the sand, next to the shore, and draw a line above it, when the sea comes in it will wipe the sand clean. You've probably written or drawn in the sand yourself, only to see the drawing disappear once the waves come up the beach.

Imagine your losses over the years written in the sand and then the water coming up onto the beach and when it goes back to the sea the writing has gone. Nothing you can do to get it back. It's gone. 

That's my advice in accepting your losses have gone. If you are a compulsive gambler though, and if you won a lot of money, if you're like me then it was never enough. I always wanted more and if I lost a bit of my winnings I then chased those losses, even though they were technically winnings. I couldn't stop until it had gone. That was part of my problem. If it's yours too hopefully my advice might work for you.

Chris.

Ask yourself this question When you do the same things enough times without achieving anything else than what you achieved yesterday what can you do differently? How can you achieve change not why is this happening to me? If you do not ask how and only ask why you are in a loop that will not be broken until you chose to break it. 

Right now your argument is chasing losses so you can get some money back. Think about that. On a scale from 1 to 10, what are your chances of beating all those losses and walk away as a winner? And even if you did win what are the chances that you would stop forever and live happily ever after? 1 to 10.  I am guessing that if you are honest to yourself for a moment that scale is going to be on the low end. You are simply repeating yourself because you are programmed and conditioned to do so. To stop that repeat you will need to reprogram yourself to do something else.

Now the real winners are those who change their ways and walk away to do something else or change their behaviour so much that they can manage their lives again. Both of those options are open to you but you will need to come to terms that your program is in need of repair and then ask for some help to repair it.

The counsellors here will help you to get going when you are ready.

All the best

C

Hi, my advice, and I am trying this myself after a recent relapse is to accept what’s done is done, there is no going back.  I have set savings and paying debt goals on a spreadsheet.  I can look to the future of being debt free and having savings.  No one, not even my husband knows how bad it is but I know by keeping to my plan I will be okay.  It’s tough and frightening knowing what I have lost but I can’t go back in time, I can only work on my plan and look to the future.  The chances of winning everything back are too slim to even try.  If I won £500 it would be a splash in the ocean to what I have lost but if I lose £200 trying it will ruin my plan to recover.

I chased losses for 4 years. Made the situation worse and racked up more debt. Even when I did win it didnt make up for the debt so it was never enough. Or I would withdraw the winnings and end up depositing again and losing.

Learn to let go of the money that has been lost and stop chasing before it gets worse. I know it's hard and I think about the debt alot but the only way out is away from gambling. 

Elzy xx

I know what you mean. From August 2018 to December 2019 I got into £3 5k in debt. Always in spurts though I didn't gamble everyday, sometimes I'd quit for a month. I had to move back into with my folks due to a previous job related disaster so I focused just paying it off. This might be a trigger, so apologies if so. But over 3 days I had a miraculous winning streak through reckless roulette gambling and won a total of about £33k, by far my biggest win. I tried to collect, but they were stalling a bit. I got a few K paid. But they said they needed extra docs that I already provided.

Anyway after a week I started reversing the withdrawals (I can still see it now) and I basically blew the lot apart from 5k. And then again a week later got the 5k up to... well I'm not going to say but a lower but still high amount. The idea was though that if I paid off all debts (I have about 8 creditors) then the only thing I could've lost there on was my 'own money' i.e. my wages. As I couldn't borrow any more but alas. It sucked so much. Blew another 7k to bring me to £40k debt. Then I lost my job unexpectedly  in Feb (not related to gambling). I'm till currently unemployed . Getting 5-10 calls a day from creditors, have a pile of letters I haven't opened. No chance of paying it off, so looking at bankruptcy (talked to stepchange). The worst thing, the thing that P****s me off is there is a hidden 'cool off' feature on that website. Which means if if I hit that I couldn't have logged back on again and would've had the withdrawals paid over several weeks. Couldn't have gone on any other websites, didn't have any funds! That cost me £40k.

But anyway, haven't gambled since then. I don't have anything to gamble apart from my recent universal credit.

I didn't answer your question in my long rambling speech but I do know that feeling over the losses. But you will just do it back again if you can. I'm going to have a destroyed credit rating for 7 years and possibly wages garnished for 3 years at the age of nearly 40. I moved out at 23 and had to move back at 35. It sucks man. I've been drinking everyday for the past 5 months, although I'm in the process of tapering off due to lack of funds to be true lol. But I get it.

I meant to edit my post, missed a paragraph - I haven't gambled since May but a new low was gambling away 3/4 of my first universal credit payment literally at midnight while drunk - the moment it came in essentially. And then a 200 hmrc rebate (might've been the first one I've had) as well. Having been a tax payer for the majority of my adult life, but more pressingly how degenerate it was and then having to rely on charity for food items, e cigarette stuff and drinks. A new low. I remember when I was 14k in debt and thinking it was serious, well that doesn't seem too bad now.

Hi cd1994.

I wrote a really long reply and then realised I was waffling so it needed shortening to the crux of it.

YOU SIMPLY HAVE TO GET OVER THE LOSSES to stop gambling

That is the pain and the cold turkey your mind needs to face reality. Use every thought process to realise thats what you did with the money and its GONE NOW....GONE SO DONT WASTE ANY MORE 

You gave it to a gambling den. Simple as that unfortunately! You didnt buy anything with it...you used it to feed your addiction and delusional mind.

Its Only money!! because its the worry and egg on your face feeling that keeps the addiction alive.

You are still with us and can plan your future not giving one further penny to the gambling dens. Sitting with a balance sheet building you life again is a far better and more positive feeling than gambling like a waster

Its only one part of the recovery process but a very important one. ITS NOT A GET IT BACK LATER SCHEME OR AN INCOME SCHEME....FOCUS!!

Start focusing. You need a full recovery and ideally someone close should be looking after your money for you

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Hi All

Thanks very much for your responses means a lot and it’s much appreciated. I am not in any debt thankfully but that does not make the losses any easier. It’s still money I’ve worked hard for or received as gifts over the years which makes it really hard to take. Hopefully I can get into the mindset of letting go and moving on with my life. 

Regards

Cd1994

Hiya my friend the only way I can get over what I've lost is to accept it is in the past and gone, I can't go back but I can make sure it doesn't happen to me again. As I know as I've done in the past is if I Chase my losses I'm only going to get deeper into that whole,  but if I stop now then I will get rid off that demon off an addiction that's took everything from me and if I let it continue the only thing left is my life. Try to put it down to experience and just think if you stop now each day you go forward it's a day your addiction can't take anything else away from you. This isn't easy as I'm on the journey myself but one day that sick felling in my stomach will go and the only way that will happen is if I'm gamble free 

Chasing loses...is one of the greatest things that traps us all.

I stopped gambling just before lockdown... (think feb28 to be exact). Not gambled since. Thats now going on 4months+. I really thought i would struggle when sports restarted. But thankfully I have not placed any bets.

I have been doing my best to see a therapist and keeping myself pre-occupied. One thought that has lingered in my mind has been concerning exactly this point, how much have I lost over my 14 years of gambling! I am actually afraid to find out. I just feel it could be in the £100,000+ figure. Enough to have bought a house!!

I am still currently in about £30-35k worth of debt due to gambling. Whih I am now facing up to.

But as someone above has rightly said, its best to not reminisce over it too much. Cut our losses. The fact remains we should not give a penny more than we have already to them. any further.

The only way I could get over the losses was to think that had I won instead I would likely still be gambling now and ultimately lose more over time. What you have lost is not great but at least now there wont be any more?