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I feel your pain.. Im in a similar situation where i torn whether to tell my Girlffriend or not. We have recently had a baby boy and she is already stressed, i think it woud do more harm than good. On the other hand i hate lying to her and think she should know as we are building a life together...

I feel today i finally admit that i do have a problem and cant control myself once i start.. has to be zero tolerance from now on..

Good Luck, will be seeing if you get some good advice 😉

Hello,

I'm from the other side of the fence, I was continually lied to, I was tricked into paying for all household expenses so "his" money was available for gambling, I couldn't understand his mood swings, his unreasonableness, why there was no pleasing him.

And when the gambling finally came to light, and it did come to light, even he couldn't hide it for ever, two factors made a bad situation much worse. Firstly, that he didn't have the guts to tell me. And secondly, the sheer extent of his lies and deceit. The financial loss mattered, I can't say otherwise but the lies, the mood swings, the years of thinking that it was me. They hurt much more.

For these reasons, I would encourage you to come clean. But there are other reasons as well. It's not enough to simply abstain from gambling and hope the damage can be covered up; honesty is essential for genuine recovery.

Your OH may well react badly. The best chance is complete transparency, hand over financial control, block your devices, downgrade your mobile to a non Internet version, downgrade your Visa card to a cash card, arrange counselling or go to GA. In other words, what counts is positive action, show him the steps you are taking to overcome the addiction. Lip service and half measures are meaningless.

Hope this helps.

CW

Hi hd84

I am a recovering CG

Cynical Wife has offerred what I think is excellent advice. Being honest and open is the only way to go.

You have no control over your partner's reaction, but delaying is not helping the situation in any way.

Best wishes

Hi I'm really sorry to hear about all the stress you're going through. I myself hid my gambling from my sister for over 2 years until finally when I hit rock bottom and had literally no one else to turn to I came clean. I can tell you now it was the best thing I ever did. Her reaction was completely different from how I had built it up in my head, she was understanding and supportive and I'm sure if your husband loves you he will be the same. A problem shared is a halved. I know saying the words are incredibly hard but you'll be so glad you did. Even if his reaction isn't good I still think it will ease your stress having everything out in the open. There have been a number of times I have been to the point of suicide because of this but my sister has managed to make me see sense so without her help I might not even be here. Please tell him the next opportunity you have as the stress of keeping this hidden must be terrible for you. My thoughts are with you and I hope you find the courage to come clean x

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Hi

Despite it all and in an extremely fragile sort of way, we are still together but it's hard.

First time round, I got lip service, denials of the existence of a problem and half measures that left the door wide open for his gambling to continue. This time round, it is very different and there won't be a next time within our relationship. He handed over financial control and I closed down all of the accounts in his sole name, also the children's accounts that he had drained behind our backs. We have a joint account with no overdraft facility, which exists for the sole purpose of administering his allowance, everything else is in my name and I do not share any passwords or PINs. He attends two GA meetings per week and in a bid not to turn into a bitter old woman, I have started attending GamAnon meetings.

My point is that this time round I can see the commitment to his recovery that was absent last time. That is the only reason why I am prepared to try to preserve our marriage. Success is not guaranteed, the damage is extensive but one day at a time.

One final pitfall to mention. My husband is inclined to think that now that he has stopped gambling, all should be well and what have I got to still be upset about, that I shouldn't keep going on about it. It seems from the forum that this is quite common. Well, it took time to do the damage and it takes time to get over it, so do allow him that time.

CW.

Hi,

Excellent posts from Half-Life and Cw.

As a recovering CG it is imperative you tell and most importantly you tell everything.

It is a situation most of us have had to do and the future can be uncertain depending on the partner.

There will be questions, frustration, anger in the future also and this also has to be dealt with and with.honesty.

Hopefully your OH will begin to support you but will not fully understand why you did it.Put the boot on the other foot. How would you feel and react it your OH had done it?.

Once you have come clean (horrible phrase but I can't think of anything else) you must embark on recovery. Hand over finances, have no cash or card access in the near future, blocker software on the laptop, ditch the laptop, ditch the internet phone, Ga, counselling are all options to help in recovery.

I also suggest reading through some diarys on here.

Abstain and maintain by Duncan is a fantastic viewpoint of recovery.

I wished by Suzanne shows determination in recovery and the massive support of others.

It may seem a long road but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Best wishes