Last night I came clean to my partner about my gambling addiction. It had gotten out of hand and was eating me up and I had to tell him. I knew he would be angry and not react well but I'm devastated now he has finished with me and told me he is 100% done he can't trust me anymore and wants nothing more to do with me.
We have two young children 3yr and 1yr. I don't know what to do I'm so angry with myself and upset. I've taken steps to deal with my addiction, using gamstop to ban any gambling apps or sites from my sevices and told my banks not to authorise any gambling transactions.
I totally understand how angry he is and why, and I deserve it but I just feel so helpess now and upset for our kids etc. I know it's all my fault but I want him to understand it is a serious addiction and it's not the real me I'm not a bad person.
I'm hoping over time we may be able to reconcile but I don't know, am I stupid to think this? I'm a mess I don't know what to do I just want to fix this.
I’m devastated for you. This was my story too. I lost my wife, my family, my home. It was the worst time of my life. The only thing I can say to you is that this sometimes has to happen for gamblers to realise that gambling is not the answer. You’ve taken all the steps to prevent you gambling. Use the raw emotions you feel now to make sure you never go back. Gambling caused this. It has taken it all from us. Do not let it take anymore.Â
I know it feels like there is no future now, but I’m 7 months gamble free. I’ll be debt free soon. I have a new home, a new life, and now I don’t gamble I’ve never been happier. Sounds weird to say it, but being free from gambling was worth the trauma of losing everything. You still have a chance to rebuild. Hopefully that’s with your partner, but if not there is a future still and if you continue to not gamble it will be so much better than you can imagine.Â
Please don’t think gambling can fix this. Your mind will try and tempt you back. Build up a hatred for gambling, for what it’s done to you. Do not let it take anymore.
I wish you all the best and sincerely hope you can reconcile with your partner. It may take a while. Patience is the key. This will be a big shock for them. You’ve lived a lie for years, as I did, and it’s hard for people who dont understand to imagine how we could do that. Focus on recovery, prove yourself to you first, then hopefully the rest will fall into place.
Reach out to others for support. Use the gamcare service. There is help available. Look after yourself.
Stay strong 💪Â
Thank You so much for your lovely reply 😊
Hi
Your honesty to your partner about your gambling addiction was the healthiest thing you could do.
Not being honest you were living in fear and stressing yourself out.
My being honest was an important part of my recovery.
Your lies to him would be painful and a betrayal of his trust in you.
My wife asked me to be completely honest with her and in time my honesty grew.
As my honesty grew so did our emotional intimacy.
One of my big pains and fears was that of rejection.
Put more time and effort in to your recovery will help heal your hurt inner child.
If you stick with your recovery your young children 3yr and 1yr. will have a much healthier mother.
If you stick with your recovery you will find healing and reduce your fears and find much needed emotional intimacy for yourself and your children.
Money is just the fuel for your addiction.
The sooner you can hand over your finances to another person the easier it will be for you.
It was important to write down lists of my needs my wants and my goals.
Telling banks not to authorise any gambling transactions is a start.
You feel so helpless now and upset for your kids etc all they want is a healthy mother with out stress anxiety and fears.
It is not about who is at fault or who to balme is it about understanding you are emotionally vulnerable and you have certain emotional triggers.
You need to understand that the addictions and obsessions are just the symptoms.
You want him to understand it is a serious addiction.
How much are you willing to do to find a much healthier life.
You are not a bad person you are a person who needs to heal your pains and your hurt inner child.
Being to yourself is the most important thing you can do for yourself.
Just for today I will not gamble is a life saver.
I did not think I would ever stop my addiction or my unhealthy obsessions.
I am able to live my life today without telling lies or living in fear any more.
In time I took every unhealthy habits and changed those unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
Healing Love and peace to you all.
Dave L
AKA Dave of BeckenhamÂ
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