Early days, cold turkey, thoughts/feelings

Hiya John Mac

Well the lastime I gambled was the 24th of April and having gone online to play roulette for 1hr loosing nearly  £8000 that I didn't even have has gave me that feeling everyday I wake up that I never want to gamble again, after having to go to a church for 2 food parcels to feed my children. This is very extreme in my situation I realise that, but I hate gambling I hate what I let it do to me and most of all my family. I hope that the feelings of shame and embarrassment never leaves me. I was stupid that night and did something stupid and spent 5days in hospital but that's what gambling harm can do to you, but I guess everyone is different and at different stages due to there last experience. As I said I left my family with nothing and nowhere to turn, this had never happened before I had always been able to cover the money and feed my family 

Thanks Kev,

I can see that focusing on those bad experiences it gave you can help with this. I have plenty of those to go on.

But, I still can't totally get rid of the memories of better times either, when I was happy with it all. I feel like I'll never fully forget them...

Hi John it is OK to feel like you do . You feel guilty because you think like this even though you caused hurt and pain to others. I would say these feelings and thoughts are normal and I must say I find it v humbling that you choose to share with us . Before you had time off by your own choice but you always intended to gamble again ? This time is different you are making it permanent and you are right a part of you is mourning it, I hope others will share with you. Me I haven't faced my bit I will mourn. My gambling started with bingo 20 years ago I had just lost our first baby in a miscarriage and my friend trying to cheer me up said 'come to bingo relax a bit'. I enjoyed we had a laugh. We had food and drink it was fun. Started me on a very rocky road I lost 4 babies in all I found solace in going to bingo eventually we were blessed with our son (he's 15 now!! It's gone too quick) and I went to bingo obviously much less now because I had what I longed for but I still went as an occasional night out. I'm not going to go over the rest because I've shared the destructive bit many times on here !!. I'm sharing this with you for the first time in here because I want you to know I understand and you shouldn't feel bad about how you feel . So I haven't really faced my worst bit yet as since I stopped gambling 34 days today(I'm proud of that) the bingo halls have been closed due to covid. They will reopen soon I think( I've been hoping out local one would go bankrupt or something...... Oh that's bad !!) I am having difficulty with not going ever again it's been my social life for 20 years I'm going to have to self exclude as soon as they reopen. Surely I could one last time ?? ........ Nope I can't the part of me that has worked hard these last 34 days to deal with the  online stuff knows I cant. The gambling demon is on my shoulder..... One more time won't hurt....once a month won't hurt..... Once a week won't hurt !!!!. And there we go it's gambling and a gambling addict can't gamble....ever. And a part of me will mourn bingo. Don't be hard on yourself John thoughts and feelings don't hurt anyone its when you go down that hole in the road in the road yourself and others get hurt. Best wishes and really chuffed that you shared your thoughts can only be positive

Well said Charlieboy 

I am so sorry to hear about your struggle with the past. I feel for you but atleast you ended up with your miracle and he's 15yrs old now and I bet he feels blessed to have you as a mother. You've done brilliant with going gamble free even although your bingo hall has been closed you know aswell as I do you could've done this online. I'm so proud off you Charlieboy and each day you help me through my journey 

Hi, I have been on here nearly 4 weeks now and feel good not wanting to gamble. When I started it was fun but the deeper I got in all I was doing was trying to win back what I had lost before I was found out. Obviously that never happened and my wife found out after 5 years of gambling. For me this has removed the need to gamble so have you thought about the reasons why you still do it and why you want to stop. I registered with Gamstop and have put Betblocker on my phone so I can't gamble even if I want to. Getting help from Gamcare has been amazing and I have had 2 counselling calls which have helped talk about things without being judged. Reading other peoples stories also makes me realise I am not alone dealing with this. One thought i picked up from a post was that every morning try and think of the positives of getting through the day gamble free which helps me. Good luck and thanks for sharing

Ty kev you made me cry then !! But that's ok because I don't let it out nearly enough!! I'm proud of myself and I'm proud of you for the fight you're putting up and everyone on here because none of this is easy, but we're still alive and kicking and long may that last

Well said Charlieboy 

But it's true your there for everyone everyday and you've been through hell but ended up with a miracle who's lucky to have you as a mum and I bet he would say that himself and you know how well you've done to be staying gamble free when you've not had it easy, well done Charlieboy 

Posted by: Charlieboy

Hi John it is OK to feel like you do . You feel guilty because you think like this even though you caused hurt and pain to others. I would say these feelings and thoughts are normal and I must say I find it v humbling that you choose to share with us . Before you had time off by your own choice but you always intended to gamble again ? This time is different you are making it permanent and you are right a part of you is mourning it, I hope others will share with you. Me I haven't faced my bit I will mourn. My gambling started with bingo 20 years ago I had just lost our first baby in a miscarriage and my friend trying to cheer me up said 'come to bingo relax a bit'. I enjoyed we had a laugh. We had food and drink it was fun. Started me on a very rocky road I lost 4 babies in all I found solace in going to bingo eventually we were blessed with our son (he's 15 now!! It's gone too quick) and I went to bingo obviously much less now because I had what I longed for but I still went as an occasional night out. I'm not going to go over the rest because I've shared the destructive bit many times on here !!. I'm sharing this with you for the first time in here because I want you to know I understand and you shouldn't feel bad about how you feel . So I haven't really faced my worst bit yet as since I stopped gambling 34 days today(I'm proud of that) the bingo halls have been closed due to covid. They will reopen soon I think( I've been hoping out local one would go bankrupt or something...... Oh that's bad !!) I am having difficulty with not going ever again it's been my social life for 20 years I'm going to have to self exclude as soon as they reopen. Surely I could one last time ?? ........ Nope I can't the part of me that has worked hard these last 34 days to deal with the  online stuff knows I cant. The gambling demon is on my shoulder..... One more time won't hurt....once a month won't hurt..... Once a week won't hurt !!!!. And there we go it's gambling and a gambling addict can't gamble....ever. And a part of me will mourn bingo. Don't be hard on yourself John thoughts and feelings don't hurt anyone its when you go down that hole in the road in the road yourself and others get hurt. Best wishes and really chuffed that you shared your thoughts can only be positive

 

Wow, thanks for sharing that, I have to say your story is amazingly tough - I'm so sorry for those things you must have gone through. I have two kids, and lucky in life that I've not had to face your experience. Me and my wife have been very lucky in that way I suppose. Like you though, I look at my child as a blessing. Hopefully you feel (like me) you are giving a great deal to them by this stopping of gambling.

I can understand how gambling would become suddenly a thing for support in those difficult kinds of issues and times. It has been like that for me sometimes in different areas of stress (usually work). A place to run to. I left a job because I was so stressed with it - no coincidence I also ran up a huge debt just before I left the job.

Going back in time, gambling for me started very early in bricks bookies, and has done on and off for decades. The pangs of sadness are oddly that I couldn't do that again, as I'm already making sure online can never happen for me again in any case (all the checks in place). 

I'd like to see how things change (for all of us) in our thinking over time.

Oddly in this lockdown times physical bookies are scary for other reasons too, so that's a deterrent I suppose, and something to give me more time to change the headspace and feelings. I'm really hoping urges and feeling of loss get better.

Posted by: Bladesman

Hi, I have been on here nearly 4 weeks now and feel good not wanting to gamble. When I started it was fun but the deeper I got in all I was doing was trying to win back what I had lost before I was found out. Obviously that never happened and my wife found out after 5 years of gambling. For me this has removed the need to gamble so have you thought about the reasons why you still do it and why you want to stop. I registered with Gamstop and have put Betblocker on my phone so I can't gamble even if I want to. Getting help from Gamcare has been amazing and I have had 2 counselling calls which have helped talk about things without being judged. Reading other peoples stories also makes me realise I am not alone dealing with this. One thought i picked up from a post was that every morning try and think of the positives of getting through the day gamble free which helps me. Good luck and thanks for sharing

Cheers bladesman, yes thinking positive is going to become a bit of a mantra for me too each morning. Funny how daytimes can be an even bigger test for me already - it's when I would have been hitting it hard all day, evenings trying to relax so that feels the same. But, during long hours of the day, it gets difficult I'm finding. Try to do new things, and I have some work, but there's still so many spaces for thinking...

Hi @johnmac

Firstly congrats on deciding to stop, putting the relevant blockers in place/being honest with loved ones and your first 7-8 days. Although it doesn't feel like it right now, the weeks will zoom by quicker than you think and you'll soon be posting about 6 months GF etc. My last bet was 13/02/2019 and I really don't know where the time has gone! 

I know what you mean about the spare time. With the money I saved not gambling I purchased an acoustic guitar and a year or so on I still can't put it down! I bought a chipping net for the garden and took up golf. You start to fill your time with other things you enjoy and this is different for every person (you may despise music and golf haha). I used to gamble on my lunch breaks at work... take the 10 minute drive to the local bookies and throw my money away. After a couple of weeks of no gambling I strangely decided I was going to use my lunch breaks to learn every capital city in the world! I set myself a target and I think that's important. You want to be the best version of yourself right? Gambling holds you back from being that very person.

You'll be surprised about the urges. They don't stick around long (in my experience), but you need to remember not to become complacent if things do start to turn around quickly. 

You need to remember that every day you don't gamble you are winning, and that is better than any win gambling can give you. Remind yourself of that agony gambling caused you and your family. That disgusting feeling where you've not only lost a load of money but you've told another lie to a loved one. 

Life is so much better when you don't gamble I can promise you that. 

Dave. 

hi as someone who has been around the block with gambling hopefully i will be able to answer some of your questions 

generally depending on the financial damage done in the  session addicts will begin to start feeling "better" after anything between 30 & 90 days of abstinence 

however it is usually at this stage feelings of over confidence and complacency will begin to creep in and the relapse wont be far behind 

some will then come back here and have a good cry promise never to do it again, and the cycle restarts 

others will just continue punting and only return to recovery when they reach breaking point again 

personally i must have done the cycle about 50 times in a decade , it was only when i noticed gambling really starting to effect my mental health did i decide this cant continue 

the sad reality is as gamblers we must remember we will ALWAYS be gamblers there is no defined point you can get to and say you are completely cured managing a gambling addiction really is a lifelong commitment 

some have to go completely cold turkey ( very very difficult in todays world ) these tend to have to deal with tremendous amounts of pressure from ( mates gambling colleagues gambling , gambling advertisement sports ) etc etc 

you can see why it is so difficult to truly escape it because it is everywhere 

my preferred choice is to identify the areas which are causing you the most trouble ......for me it was land casinos and online casinos they were bleeding me dry so i had no choice other than to ban myself from all of it 

 im an avid lover of football something in which "betting" goes hand in hand with ..... i still do some football bets it seems to keep the addiction satisfied sometimes il win ,sometimes il lose , sometimes il feel like i am staking too much and will take a time out for a couple weeks 

ive been using this method of supplication for a good year now , i wont pretend its much easier than going completely cold turkey because in all honesty it comes with its own set of problems and an awful lot of self discipline  its not for everyone but it has seemed to "stop the rot " for me so to speak

i dont find myself wanting to  jump on a blackjack or roulette table anymore and for me that is a victory 

I always say Mac thats its about finding a peace of mind and leaning to be at peace with yourself about the whole issue.

So it is about time as time is all we really have...but less about rigidly counting the days and expecting certain things in a certain time....more about realisng you have a lifetime to experience new things

Its about a serenity to accept that you can never be complacent again as that is a positive statement on which you can model your life.

The passing of time with a new mindset helps the healing process and as the years passed I feel much more content. I realise there can never be a day when I say yipee its all done and dusted now.

That said it does get easier especially if you keep discussing your feelings with loved ones and doing the exercises. A new you or more confident you emerges more comfortable in your own skin. My past actions became more alien to me and it was quite a serious process realising how ill I was when craving the drug of gambling.

Time has brought me a calmness to face it and take responsibility. On a basic level it puts the mess and the losses further behind me. Every day I have been doing something better with my time strengthens me and builds up a normal pattern of behaviour again.

There was a cold turkey to be done as I could never previously do it with my own willpower. With help and support I did it and I glady gave away the trust... full trust I still dont want to this day.

Gambling is not for me. I dont miss it and I cant say anything felt like an upside really. Its gets easier to talk about but I dont have to dwell on it if I dont want to. I told the people close to me and we generally know what triggers strange life decisions in me...depression loneliness, very bad news or stressful jobs that ain't worth the hassle.

Its something that I would mention to any new partner in my life because it protects both of us. Im at ease with money and at ease with my life

Best wishes

Wow again - thank you so much all of you for the last few posts, Daves, Givemethebuzz and Joydivider.

There is so much there in your 3 posts I will need to read them all carefully over, many times. I hope I can then reply on some of those points too.

I am actually feeling a little better today than yesterday - not sure if that is the time starting to pass, and the distance starting to emerge from my own gambling (the start of that process at least).

Many thanks all. 🙂

Hiya Johnmac 

Hope your feeling better again today who knows my friend YOU may have the gambling urge everyday, but that's what might stop you from relapsing. Just to feel it and get through that day without given into temptation is a marvellous achievement,  you keep up the good work as everyday is a day you've got away from the evil addiction that wrecks what we have?