Hello all. Firstly I apologise for my poor English. Anyway I (29 M) started gambling over 6 years ago. At first it was few small bets a month but overtime it grew. Usually few hundred euros a day. Of course I didnt have this much money so I took out some loans. Anyway two years ago I hit my rock bottom because I was so behind with my loan payments. I was suicidal, my girlfriend has no idea about my gambling addiction and we had a baby on the way. Eventually I found a solution and had my debts rewritten by the court (not sure how it’s called but it’s a way in my county). There were no interest and total amount went down a little. It was still bad since monthly payment took almost half of my income but still, manageable. Anyway I thought that was the end of it, but no. After our baby was born my girlfriend started to get less money than she was when she was still working so you can imagine it was hard to get by. Like a fool I am I turned to gambling. Long story short it went as you can expect. Right now I’m sitting at home, two months behind my rewritten loans, many private loans deadlines coming up, so total I’m short of 7000 that needs to be paid this month. However I have zero ways to do it. I quit gambling last week when I looked my baby girl and told her that I’m done. I realized how I can’t live the way I’ve done because of her. I’ve tried therapy, talking to people about my problems etc but nothing helped until last week something just clicked in me. She deserves the best life. Worst part about it all is now when I’m really done I see how deep s**t I am. I still have to talk to my finance about it all and I know that will be the end of us. Last time she broke down but gave me a last chance but I blew it. Also since I can’t pay my debts this month I have to declare bankruptcy and that means I’ll lose my job since my job is related to my reputation. So this month I’ll lose my family and my job. Although I’m happy that I turned a new page in my life with gambling I’m depressed about the future. I had a good career, great family everything. The thought of it all makes me depressed and suicidal. I know suicide is not the answer but right now it seems the best solution. I’m tired of the mess I made, I’m tired of all the lies, everything.
Hello Hei1234
Thank you for sharing this – I can hear you’ve been through so much and how much emotional pain you’re in.
It can be so hard when you feel trapped in a cycle with gambling and it feels like there is no way out. But you have found the courage to stop gambling and reach out on here for support and these are massive steps forward.
I can hear you are incredibly worried about your future and the potential losses you face, and this is leading to thoughts of suicide – it all sounds incredibly distressing and exhausting. You have told us you live outside of the UK and that you didn’t find it talking helped but I would encourage you to see if there is support for people feeling suicidal in your country. You can search for support through the International Association for Suicide Prevention here: https://www.iasp.info/suicidalthoughts/ .
It sounds like you understand what you need to do in terms of your debt and this time, you are facing bankruptcy. In the UK, we also have organisations that provide independent advice and help when someone is facing debt – I wonder whether there are similar organisations in your country.
The charity Gordon Moody offers an online international support service for gambling harms through their website here:Â https://www.gamblingtherapy.org/ Â and there is an international site for gamblers in recovery here:Â https://gamblersinrecovery.com/ . You can also find a list of international support contacts on our website here: https://www.gamcare.org.uk/self-help/links-to-other-support-agencies/international-support-contacts/ .
It may feel really isolating and hopeless right now but this is a safe space for you to share how you are feeling and I hope you’re able to continue posting on here. Stopping gambling takes a lot of strength and I am glad you reached out to our online community. Â
All the best
Claire
Forum Admin
You are not the first, and wont be the last to be in this situation. I was in this situation not so long ago. All I can say to you is that there is a way out of this. I'm proof of that. You can live a happy life. You can be rid of all the lies and deceit. You've taken the first step by coming here. Have a read through everything on here. Take all the help offered. No matter how down you feel right now, there is light at the end of the tunnel. You are 1 step closer to it by seeking help on here.Â
Do this for yourself. Do it for your family. Don't write off your fiancé. You may get the support you need right there. It's important to open up about this however, so make sure you do this. You have a tough road ahead, but I know from experience it can be beaten.Â
I wish you all the best.
Stay strong 👍Â
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