For people with slot machine addiction...

Hi. I too go to casinos to play slot machines. I wished I didn't, but I do! Most of the time I leave feeling as sick as I could possibly feel. I've sat on the same chair for 10 hours plus until I am numb all over.... And I still do. What's your story? Xx

Hello STAR! How wonderful that you responded to this post. I'd love to share my story of my addiction to slot machines here with you. I was looking for some people who could understand the specific realm of slot addiction and compulsive gambling.

I entered a casino, a place that I never thought twice about, when an old boyfriend suggested one too many times that we explore the place because we lived in a very depressed area without much to do so why not. It felt so foreign and not really like anything I could relate to. We went a few times and I felt badly about losing 20 dollars to the machine. Then I explored some other machines and I won about $80. The addiction set in when I was feeling really upset and lonely one evening when he was with another woman. I spent my first $500 dollars that evening and found the loss very hard to cope with ... I thought I'd never go back. But I did go back. I went with him many times , we were very codependant and he had other addiction issues. I guess I was addicted to relationship and could not let go. I tried to stop on my own many times during the escalation of my spending and time spent at the casino. But, unlike what you say about one machine, I jumped from machine to machine. I ended up spending all day at the casino many times. My story is long with many details but I will say that I ended up lieing to myself and those around me. I wanted to be unseen and secretive. I spent most of my marriage settlement which equated to about $40 thousand dollars and by the time I 'm sitting here at this site writing this post I'm sitting with some of that money still in place. I spent all the mone I earned at work and most of my marriage settlement on gambling and basic living. I chose to gamble , let my life be on hold, wallow in old emotions, hide the truth, and live in poverty just to fuel the escape. And you would think that I'd be a total mess but I somehow have flucuated between healthy lifestyle and sanity to the full on suicidal thinking dooms day world of the completely emersed gambler who just can not seem to stop. So now I can see the light but I have chosen to go back after periods of abstinance to spend ALL the money I've made to get a little bit ahead. Every time I've made a few thousand dollars it's gone and some more of my savings are also gone. As a counselor said. . . I'll be penniless if I don't get serious about recovery. This morning I wanted to go to play this certain machine! It stood out to me the last time I went to a casino (one of many that I am banned at). Two weeks ago I spent around 3 or 4 hundered dollars and a couple weeks prior to that / maybe a month, I lose track... I lost $500 . A month before that I lost 8 hundred dollars. You see? I've gone even a year gf in the past.

I can relate Star. Whether a slot addict sits at one machine or many , after 10 hours, we are like a zombie. I have never felt so sick as when I came home from a long day or several days of gambling like crazy. It would take weeks to feel normal . then at some point I'd go out a gain. At first years ago , I went often. In the end years I was a big binge gambler. Today I sit here with 2 weeks free of the slots and I want to do it one day at a time. If I think too far ahead I fanticise about going again someday. If I think back I feel sick and guilty.

I am an addict. The chemistry of the brain changes when we are compulsive gamblers. We have only one choice and that is to stay away from gambling and stay in the odaat of recovery because it's like a drug addiction. I had hangovers from purely gambling and not other drugs combined with it. I also have had withdrawal which give me nausea, panic attacks and headaches when I wanted so badly to go and I just sat at home.

I think that recovery is possible and that it is a blessing. Our lives can turn around. But it only happens one day at a time for the addict. Always in the moment to moment choices and it can be very painful to quit gambling. Quitting and staying stopped is hard but it's never even close to the pain of being active within the addiction. Yes , it numbs us but when it wears off people often want to die when they really look at their lives and it's worth it to decide to finally LIVE. T2

Thx. so much for asking. This story is abbreviated. I could write a book about my experiences and feelings. I would guess that we all could.

Started on fruit machines in the pub around 1997 - at the start played with GF. Split up and then went 'underground' - doing tours of various pubs and some amusement arcades.

Sometime around 2007 I 'graduated' to online slots. Same deal but more secret so therefore 'better'. I always lived in fear of being spotted in the pubs - I would look down on the type of person I'd become. I somehow managed to keep things completely hidden for all the way through until 2013. Until that time I managed to also live in semi-denial that I was an addict (remarkable self-deception in hindsight)

I moved to London in 2012. I started working out how much I was spending and estimated I'd lost around £130k.

My 'style' of gambling was drawn out - spending a LOT of time on it, zombie-ing out. I was functional though - had relationships and from 2010 had an idea of what I wanted to do career-wise so made moves towards it.

In 2013 I met my partner and early on in the relationship I discovered this website and shortly after, told my partner about my addiction and then stopped in early 2013 and have stayed stop since then. I've gone on quite a journey since then trying to figure out what drove me to gamble. Been a great journey!

I now know that my gambling was wholly avoidance/escapism. However, the slots were specifically my thing. I can remember my dad putting in probably a quid and doubling his money at a fruit machine when I was about 5 - it was the only time I remember him gambling, but that clearly had a big imprint on my memory. I think it less likely I would've gotten addicted to other forms of gambling, although probably would've found some other substitute instead! All addiction is based around the same issue of escapsim and disconnection.

Thx. for your share cardhue. Lots of great points in your share. The final line "All addiction is based around the same issue of escapism and disconnection". For me this is true and was true. It sound like you found some strength through your love relationship and getting honest or maybe it was just TIME for it to seriously kick in, the recovery is what I am speaking of. Now you have years of recovery under your belt and to share that with me/us is very empowering. I hope that more people will share about their experiences with playing slot machines. I can see how not wanting to be seen or discovered can lead to online gambling. I never figured on line gambling out! I think that was a saving grace for me or some kind. Maybe it woudl have been easier to spend more or .. who knows. I just went to casinos that were further away to be more anonomous. But the casino employees do get used to the regulars and we are always seen. Hiding and lying. I never overtly stole any money but that depends on how you look at it. I stole from my future. And I feel like I stole from the people who spent money paying for my work. Yes, it was my money but people work hard to pay for services and I then wasted that money. My family gave me money for holidays , birthday etc. and I just put it into a machine. Yes, it felt like theft. Addiction can steal our souls but souls are always there to reclaim. It's a spiritual part of our being that will not leave us if we only reclaim ourselves from the addiction. I wonder if anyone else felt like the walking dead. Embracing life once again means dealing with feelings and not numbing out with addictions. It's not easy but it's worth it. I hope that more people will share. Thx. star and cardhue. Blessings. T2

I'm thinking if we could strip the imagery and sounds from out favorite slots , where would we be with our attraction. It's a machine that takes money and the payback is a matter of programed chance in their favor. Would we have become addicted or even played a machine without the sensory lures. Would it have the same addictive qualities. The companies pull the give and take further into their favor by adding the sensory draw and it confuses our common sense. We go out of our logical minds and into another realm where chemicals are feeding us as the risk and sensory stimuli keep us engaged at the MACHINES. My oh my. to win thousands upon thousand and then walk away. Total fantasy... slim chance. T2

Hey! It still amazes me ready all the different stories on here. Gambling really does have so many people hooked huh! Online gambling has never really interested me and I know that I would eventually be homeless if I started it. Tara you have been on a journey and I'm so glad for you that you still have some money left. You are right, the staff of casinos get to know you. They all know me by my name, some come over and tell me to go home when they see I have already piles hundreds into a d**n machine. I have been known to kick and shake a machine willing it to do something. That ringing in the ears after I have left and am driving home drives me crazy. Trying to sleep and all you hear is that music. Makes me so angry that I'm hooked. I've spent hundreds in the past two weeks and for what? Will we ever learn? What will it take..... X

Ringing in the ears, I've had that. I hear/heard the sounds in my head of bells and music and alarms from the layer of sound in the casinos. The spinning and flashing of the wheels are still running in my minds eye every time I went, even if I only went to an hour there were still some effects left in my brain. But after many hours or a few days of many hours its' horrific. I've spoken with other compulsive gamblers about the hangovers from gambling. Lots of insomnia going around with this addiction. I've heard that it has the highest suicide rate! It seems like you are not doing anything really wrong but when you finally stop to look at the damage in your own life and in the lives of your friends and family it's too much to bear but it's worth it to stop and get help. three years ago I had to take or chose to take herbs for my heart! I could have had a heart attack from stress and emotions and the high risk of playing slots for years. I read on another site that a woman actually had a heart attack at a slot machine after she had won about 1000 dollars. She woke up in a hospital. My heart condition is better now. But when I have gambled , binge gambled a lot in one day or a few days I feel the pain come back and it scares me. Right star, anger is good to feel. Then it turns to sadness and tears can be really good. To just stay home and get it all out. To call a hot line one or as many times as you need to and tell your story and get some compassion for ourselves is a good thing. Just gotta let go and let spirit of compassion and love come to our body and soul. Start somewhere like now is what it takes. I'm happy to be here instead of there today. If I go down again it could be worse than it was in the past. And I can not keep up this spending of every penny I make and draining my decreasing savings. It's time for me to try again. Two weeks ... and it was hard today. Keep on sharing please , it helps me and everyone to read. T2

Hi i am new and do not know where to start, I have gambled for the last 15 years on slot machines, it is making my life such a mess. Infact i have thought of taking my life i spend every penny on this evil addiction, i feel sick at the thought of what I have done, i mostly gamble online and I have got in such a rut i don't socialise like i use to i just need to talk with people who understand and can help. I work full time i have beautiful grand children that need things and I spend it all on slot machines, i constantly cry when I'm alone, I don't know who I am anymore.

Hi Carol, I have played slots for at least 10 years and I've been looking for help for the last 3 years. Making phone calls to the hotlines was the first thing I did and it made a mark as my first step in admitting that I actually needed assistance. Have you made any phone calls to help lines so that you can talk to a real person who understands? Maybe today you can. Tell us more about your story. So happy that you are here and reaching out. I have recommited to recovery just 21 days ago. Gambling is addictive like a drug and it does rob us of life and make us feel like we don't know who we are. Tears are good. Keep on feeling and reach out and share. I hope you make that phone call. Peace. T2

Slot machines. Do you have this incommon with myself and others? Have you sat the casino for countless days and hours feeding them money? I'd love to hear you story. It's helpful to share about commonalities. One thing that I remember is playing for hour down to my last hundred , then my last 30, then my last 5... down to scraping change out of the bottom of my purse and playing 15 cent bets just to continue because quitting was horrifying... I often needed more of that rush and when I was cut off I felt worse than I ever felt in my life and then the hangovers and sleepless nights followed by regret. Pain on top of pain. Today is my day 21 gamble free. T2

Slot machine addict - that's me. I've joined so many online sites I've lost count. Started through boredom @8 years ago but life is in ruins now but still spending money I can't afford to gamble on these 'games'. Partner has stood by me but doesn't know I'm at it again. We don't live together - I'm 49 and had to move in with elderly parents with my children because lost home through this addiction. Sold car, jewellery and everything of value now. Sometimes feel I've ruined everything so whats point in trying to stop now. I don't have computer but use phone to go online now. And yes like others have thought it would be easier to just end it all.

through these sites for recovery we can find the higher power or the angel of hope working through others who truely understand and have been there or are still there. Make a commitment, I think that is what we do. One day at a time and no more to stay in recovery. Sounds like you've come to admit that you are powerless of the addiction, I thought that I had admitting that but because it's an addiction it got me going out to play over and over after a few months free. Dell2u I never played slots online... I could not figure it out. Maybe that is a blessing to me. Good that you have your parents, wow what a blessing. sorry for your losses , it will get better one day at a time. Glad you are here. Thx. so much for writing /sharing in this thread. hope that you share more. T2

Thanks Tara.. Really need things to change or I am going to end up in gutter literally.. Tomorrow I'll be dealing with logistics of how to get by financially but how long before slots pull me in again?

oh god i relate to so much that people are going through-mine is online slots-spent so much- i will shop round for home to save a couple of quid of this n that but dont blink an eyelid gambling 100 at a time-my partner introduced me to slots in pub in 1996 and it started from there and just got worse and worse-i neglect everything around me. I hide like a scared animal- i have thought about ending it all just so my family have a better life but i have chosen to seriously give this addiction a good kicking-its only 4 days but never felt so determined-will check in again soon thanks for inspiring stories and good luck to each and everyone of you xxx