Hi Everyone. Long story short I self excluded myself permanently online last year after losing thousands. I then turned to my local bingo hall and lost more then excluded myself from there but I recently realised I never excluded myself from my other local bingo hall so I started going there to play the bingo usually with my mum as she likes the bingo side of things, this then turned into me lying to her saying I wasn’t going on that night but I was actually lying to her and started going alone because in my selfish addictive way I felt she was irritating me whilst I was playing the slot machines constantly telling me to take the money and making me leave when she did. I am totally ashamed. I have had some really good wins but we all know that eventually the machines claw it all back just like last night when I decided to go play. I feel absolutely terrible today with the sickness the headaches and that horrid guilty feeling of what I have done. I also noticed last night that I become like a zombie whilst I am sat there playing, I can only describe it as I’m not even there and in a different world if that makes sense to some? I get no enjoyment from gambling anymore even if I have a big win yet I cannot seem to stop, but today is a new day andÂ
I now know what I need to do which is to self exclude from this actual bingo hall but then my brain tells me that this is the last place now I could go to gamble so if I self exclude I have nothing to look forward too even though I have everything I.e fiancé, 3 beautiful children ect yet I don’t give that a second thought when I am sat there plowing all of my money into those machines.Â
Just looking for a bit of reassurance I think and I needed to get this off my chest.Â
Hi Mel,
I’m Jake a peer supporter volunteer, thank you for sharing this. It sounds like a really difficult situation. it can be very consuming when you’re in the mist of gambling addiction. But it’s very positive that you’ve taken proactive steps. I’m sure people on this forum will agree that the first step is always a very hard and brave one to take – so you should be proud of yourself for that. I’m sorry to hear that you have been having a difficult time with withdrawals, how have these been lately? I understand your description when on slot machines. And I think your experience of slot machines will resonate with a lot of people here. It sounds like you've already taken very positive actions of self-exclusion. How have been feeling since this? Do you feel like there is any other support that might help?
Once again thank you for sharing
Take care,
Jake Peer Support VolunteerÂ
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