Gambling since Christmas

Hi Bluebella33.

Its the symptoms of escape or comfort gambling. We seek comfort from a machine which is actually destroying us. If our minds were straight we would realise that. Thats what I suffered from like many others Im sure.

I know that part of the mix for me was wanting to numb the feeling of loneliness, poverty and any bad news that came my way. I had a shocker the other day when I was forced to go on something and they were nothing but extremely rude to me.

As I left I must admit I thought about having a gamble in this other town but I was strong, had a walk round the shops and headed back for the train. That thought was strongest when I was totally stressed and upset. As I calmed down the feeling subsided.

A key point is that thought was linked to oh I just dont care anymore because my situation is hopeless. So it has been escape from the world gambling linked to twisted thoughts that i will just win a bit to cheer me up (yeah right get real joydivider!) and the machines will be kind when the world hates me.

Its the instant seeking of a drug to numb the feelings just like alcohol or class A. Thats why gambling is so dangerous to people like me. Even in a pub I can only spend so much before being very ill. In a gambling place there is no end for an addict until the bank account is drained

I have long realised that a bad day is a trigger for me so I have to work on those feelings. So you are not alone in that Bluebella.

Gambling is never a comfort to bad news so only blocks and counselling can help us get over that

My best wishes

Thank you so much. It is just good to have it said back to me for it to be real and bring me up to breathe again. Day 1.

Hope Day 1 is going well. Maybe you can think of how to prevent easy access to your savings to stop another gambling crisis.

Hi BlueBella33,

May I first of all say a massive well done for coming back here to GamCare, I understand it wasn't the easy option and I wish you all the best in your recovery. We are all here for you every step of the way.

As mentioned above by JoyDivider, it seems that you have symptoms of escapism which many of us here went through and still go through on a daily basis. It's percieved that gambling is always there for us almost like a shoulder to cry on but in all honesty it only destroys us further where in all ratonality we should be trying to consult with those close to us. I think sometimes it's easy to guilt trip ourselves into thinking what's the worst that can happen and that this escape will numb the so called real life with the 'fantasy life' of bright lights and loud noises. I know, they can sometimes become hypnotic.

From your previous abstinance which is fantastic by the way, you seem to understand the basic principles for example limiting your accessibility to funds and it's great that you create a daily log. My advice here would be to take it one day at a time, seek help from your local GA session which are nationally located. I would like to point you in the direction of the 2016 Challenge which I think you may benefit from highly as it is a weekly based update where you share your progress with other members. I think this will really help and you are always welcome to join our other members.

I would love to keep track of your progress and share any wisdom by any means possible so please reach out if that helps. Obviously you yourself need to stay strong and come to overall acceptance that you are ready to stop this demon and change your life for the better. Stay strong and look forward to hearing your recovery.

Andy