Hey,
I have hit rock bottom (again)
I have always go back to Blackjack when im down.... it is always manageable to an extent but last year I lost all my savings through blackjack; I had a good wage and was in no debt so I promised myself I would start a fresh; well a year later i'm in thousands of pound of debt.
I reached out to my mum but she got angry and all I do is lie to her and I hate myself for it.
The thing that gets me is that I know I am going to lose its like I just wait to lose and then it hits me like a brick afterwards. I don't get it....My worry is that I might never get over it and just live paycheck to paycheck and what sort of life is that?!! Everytime I get back on an even keel I go wild is like I want to hit rock bottom; I hate it!!!
I have hid this for a year although everyone knows I gamble; I am a pretty important time of my life; I got accepted onto a course starting in september I always wanted to do but don't think I can afford it...Its now or never.... Why do I do to it to my self!!
Anyway if you have read this it means a lot; I hope we all get through this its a horrible addiction and it's so easy to hide, but not to hide from... Much love Reggie
Hi Reggie,
Sorry to hear of your misfortune, however you have come to the right place for help and guidance and that is the most important thing now.
Why dont you start by reading a few peoples stories in the recovery diaries section and steps people have taken or are taking in to control this addiction.
You said the Blackjack seems to be your main problem. If its in casinos then self exclusion is the best option. They will not let you back in. If its online then there is a free gambling blocker called K9, which is very good.
I know these might sound like daunting steps to take, which believe me I know, but its important to put barriers in place for when the urges come becausd they will...
I hope this helps and best wishes in your recovery,
Scambling
Hi Reggie - good advice from Scambling - do take it if at all possible. The thing to remember is that you are not alone in this - many people here have been through and are going through exactly what you are experiencing. You can overcome this awful habit which drains us all of self-respect as well as our finances - there is a way out if you seriously want to do it. I hope that you will be able to start your course in September - if the main problem is paying the fees, could you ask if there is an instalment system?
Best wishes,
Joan
Thank you for the replies and the advice , it is much appreciated. I have taken some steps today I have told my mum my finances and gambling -and she offered to pay a lot of my debts - although she doesn't understand but I guess there's no reason she would. I'm pretty lucky I suppose; there is still some way to but if I don't gamble should be ok.
I'm doing a mental health nursing course so there isn't any fees; it's three years it's the living expenses that I am worried about without a decent wage - hopefully in the end I can help other people and put something back to society!!
Thank you again hopefully this is a turning point!!
Hi Reggie - Good old Mum! Don't forget to spoil her on Mother's Day on Sunday! Hats off to you for embarking on the course - I am sure you will find ways to keep you going financially.
And what empathy you will be able to demonstrate when you come across patients who are in despair; your coming to terms with and conquering your gambling addiction will give you much strength in the future.
Best wishes
Joanna
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