Hey all I am back

Hey guys and girls.

Hope everyone is well. I thought it now since I have some time prudent to post an update etc.

So the sailant facts are these, after a relapse 8 weeks ago in which I lost total control beyond the point I had ever been, and came so so close to destroying everything I had worked towards.Then the next day came a totally unexpected email, telling me as I had previously excluded from a sister site,that all my deposits had been voided and therefore would be returned me ,WHAT !!!. My exact reaction.

And sure enough the next few days saw my money returned, so at this point I automatically with out thought paid rent bills etc, and subsequently cried with relief,of this unexpected chance of redemption.

The next day after receiving my money back, I accidently lost my debit card on the way to work,so I cancelled and ordered a new one which when to my old address (parents home) I have still not picked that card up yet, as when i need shopping etc i transfer money to my cash card, so therefore even if I wanted to (which in no way have I wanted to) I can not make transactions in bookies ,online etc.

Anyway so that was 8 weeks ago now, and in that time I have spent a total of £5 on gambling and that was a scratch card.

I have and can HONESTLY say this had no gambling urges whatsoever since that incident.

I in fact have foucessed soley on my study ,absolutley smashed past the marks I wanted to get, and have been focusing on self improvement, health ,posture, mental health etc.

Also a sudden visit to A and E recently, has really put alot of things in perspective for me, and being someone who suffered from anxiety ,worry and self doubts most of my adult lifethat really says alot. And I WILL share that with you

As I sat in the waiting area, waiting for results etc, I aked myself one question "if the Dr comes out and gives me the worst possible outcome how would I feel?"

Initally scared, worried, etc but then in boiled down to one overall thing and that is REGRET. I would regret all the times I made lame excuses not to see my friends, not to go out, not to take on challenges that had been infront of me, all because I was to scared, nervous and in some cases broke,.

Then I thought to myself I would be rather facing any of those anxious situations or unknown adventures, and I would even be doing it with a big smile on my face, knowing health wise everything was okay, than sat in that waiting area ALONE, and full of REGRET.

So i vowed there and then that no matter what comes. I will face it and I will NEVER EVER LIVE A LIFE OF REGRET AGAIN.

What ever I get the offer, chance to do, I will do it, and I might actually for once in my life actually have fun lol.

I realise that at some point I will die we all will, so all this lieing, hurting others, destroying lives to chase a few pounds. Is JUST ABSURD, because in the end ,the only thing you are spending that money on is PAIN AND BAD MEMORIES.

Much love and will keep you updated how this self-improvement goes lol