Letting resentment seeth with in me has been very toxic it has caused awfully negative results within my life, but there is some sort of comfort I think by not letting things go, because I guess holding on to some resentment is another way I can justify not trying and can justify just giving in when things get tough.
It has been so long since I was happy and I have actually forgotton how to be.
But trying to then become happier means letting things go and that means I have to actually try and be happy because I can no longer use the same excuses.
That really scares me, gambling was break glass default excuse, but that I mean when things where hard I could just default to gambling lose a load of money and then in a way feel better, because I could simply say well you are always going to be a mess, broke, hopless, do not deserve anything anyway, and strangley as it might sound i was happy with that.
But now change is a foot, have stopped gambling through self exclusion and I have all these chances and oppurtunities avaliable to me, and it scares the life out of me, I have been for so long enclosed in this self destructive bubble that I feel so vunerable out side of it.
I know this sounds strange but Its essentially the only thing I have known for all those years, that I feel like now I am free from it, how do I start a new life?.
Sorry to waffle on but I honestly feel quite lost and scarred at the moment as the reallity of all this change has actually sunk in.
Theres no quick fix to the damage gambling does to all of us. But by leaving the past behind you and focussing on each day being a gamble free day you will find things untangle and life becomes that bit easier. Work on the blocks that will help you gambling and take all the help you can and slowly day by day things will get better.
Starting a new life is far from easy as I know myself that gambling has left me very empty inside and has made life lonely in many ways. But I'm sure by concentrating one day at a time and making the right choices that you will see life improves and doesn't remain such an empty place.
Stay strong and keep up the fight!
Hi rob27,
well done for posting, and well done for sharing your thoughts and emotions. Quite a lot of people feel lost and empty when they finally decide to give up gambling, especially if it has been in theire lives for a long time and served all sorts or purposes. This will pass. It is important to put effort into re-building your life. The good news is that this 'effort' doesn't have to be an uphill struggle. It is about finding out who you are, what you enjoy doing, and what makes you feel good about yourself. It sounds like looking for new hobbies, and looking for new ways to socialise, meet people would be really helpful. I appreciate that at the beginning you might not feel like throwing yourself into an unfamiliar environment, but slowly but surely little steps every day, trying new activities at least once a week will help get you on the road.
It also sounds like you would benefit from having some additional counselling support. Please do get in tour with our Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or the Netline here to have a chat to an adviser and arrange for counselling sessions if you are interested.
Keep posting, and maybe even start your own Recovery Diary.
All the best,
Eva
Forum Admin
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