I don't think I can be helped because I don't think I can stop this behaviour.

Good luck to you Amba. The striking thing for me reading your story is “it’s getting worse”. 

If you don’t have the strength just now or don’t want to give up then yes, things may get a whole lot worse before you decide to stop. 

Consider the stress and worry you’re feeling now and how things will be when they do actually get worse. What will you have lost by then?! Worrying. 

Give yourself a chance. Block accounts. Find a new hobby. Anything. I was a gambler for 25 years and would never dream of stopping but I have and now I’m in 7 years down the road. 

Good luck to you. 

Thankyou so much for replying. You must have some amount of resolve to have stopped gambling for 7years after so long being one. I'm in awe of you.

no time like the present. stop now hun before you get in serious debt. hour by hour day by day, you can do this.keep busy,it will take your mind off gambling.you must block online gambling! and also get to bed earlier .i used to gamble through the night, get up for work after little sleep, then work all week for nothing. you really have to want to stop. hour by hour you can beat this! 

all the tools are here if you want to use them, thats the thing, do you want to do this?

if you do, read and act, im doing it mate so can you.good luck

Hi Amba

The answers are within you to beat the addiction. It can be done when you are ready. It is a drug addiction and it has full control over you.

It controls people with stress depression low self esteem and poor coping mechansims. Its the devil on your shoulder telling you that you love the fix even though it is ruining you. 

Can't recover is actually won't recover in your present mindset. You can tell your family but you won't. It is the worst addiction in my view because it creates a guilt or shame that you have been wreckless and greedy. However its far deeper than that. Its way more to do with the craving to play and the chemical rushes we depended on. Gambling is actually substance abuse because it works in the same way.

There is NO SHAME in admitting that it got the better of you

Its about finding the focus on you. Why doyou feel there is nothing worth getting better for? That is a large part of the answer. Do you know who you are anymore? A depresssion takes over and needs any fix above depressed...gambling provides that fix but is also destroying your bank balance...truth is the money becomes tokens just to play...it becomes nothing until you snap out of it and realise it purchases your food and. shelter

the crazy thing is we are back gambling to extinction again as soon as we get more money just like a drug addict. That confirms its an addiction and illness

You can do it but it takes a born again moment, all the help you can get and a cold turkey period. The sad thing is that a gambling addiction creates a comfort zone that you can handle it for now. The certainty is that gambling has new lows in store for you . How low do you have to go before realising you must stop?

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Hi Amba,

You really can change your behaviour and beat this thing. First, get practical help with your debts, then tell as many humans as you are able. They will understand better than you think. Sounds like gambling distracts you from something else. Have you thought about what that is? Don't give up. 

Hello

Thanks for replying to me. I understand about the gambling through the night and then waking with what seems like a very bad hangover, it's a truly demoralising experience to then remember it's not as simple as a hangover. I've been gambling since 2017 to dull the pain of bereavement and never been in debt but over the last week I've been so reckless and lost so much it's frightening. Tomorrow is a new working week so I will see what I'm able to manage. Best wishes.

Thanks Holycrosser. I'll be reading the resources here like you recommend. I hope I'm not beyond help. I wish you all the best. You sound like you have a will of iron, you deserve the success.

Hello JoyDivider - I'm blown away and in awe of your insightful reply, thanks for taking time to write that response. You write with astonishing precision and I truly respect your opinion. Ill be re-reading it a few times I can tell you.

I was reading somewhere about how the adrelaline rush hits a millisecond before you hit the "spin", I can understand that and I also understand the point you make about money becoming a "token". In fact, it doesn't even feel like it's money.

No, I don't know who I am you are right there. Bereavement by itself takes away some of your identity and with the rest I've built emotional walls.

I need to pluck up the courage to speak to a gamcare team member and that will be my goal for this week, which sounds a bit feeble but it's been a long time coming and it feels like a big deal.

Thanks again for your wisdom and empathy, much appreciated. Take care.

Good luck, put all the stops in place and yep it’s cold turkey time in truth, it’s a long hard road, a decision for life so be prepared to change yourself.

Posted by: Amba

I'm not new here, having messed up my log in details and re-registered but maybe that's a positive thing at this stage. I desperately need help because it's 3.45am and I have just wasted a lot of money. I always kept a "tally" and never had a loss for every month, but now I have. And I'm desperately trying to get it back and it's getting worse. There is no win, no levelling, just loss after loss. How would I cope if I didn't have gambling to escape to? What do I do if I'm unwilling/unable to give up? I can't share this with family but I desperately need the help of another human. I'm really scared. The driving factor is that I don't feel I have anything to get "better" for, Is it normal to end up not knowing who you are anymore? When I wake up tomorrow I know I will feel so sick and disgusted.  Thanks to anyone that's read this.

It is a terrible feeling. It's deeply disgusting. I've done in many a time whilst my gf is asleep in bed. I'm literally gambling whilst she is asleep next to me until I lose hundreds. It's sick beyond words. The crazy thing is that even though I don't want to, if I had the funds and the chance to, I'd gamble again. 

So that's the thing. I installed software where it doesn't let me go on Amy gambling sites and I get the urge. I really do. But as I am unable to, the urges actually go. Temporarily of course. They come back but again, as I can't go on anything,  it eventually goes. 

You HAVE to install some software so you can't go on it. If you are serious about wanting to stop then you have to. Otherwise you will not stop. You might think you will because you've had big losses but you won't. You probably will even win again and feel completely fine but eventually you will lose and you will feel like this again. That will happen. 

Hello XM

Thanks for replying. I totally understand your last paragraph. I can understand your opening paragraph as well. I haven't done that but I know what you must have felt like to feel something had got hold of you so tightly to have led you to it. I appreciate your words, good luck.

How is it going?

Posted by: Amba

I'm not new here, having messed up my log in details and re-registered but maybe that's a positive thing at this stage. I desperately need help because it's 3.45am and I have just wasted a lot of money. I always kept a "tally" and never had a loss for every month, but now I have. And I'm desperately trying to get it back and it's getting worse. There is no win, no levelling, just loss after loss. How would I cope if I didn't have gambling to escape to? What do I do if I'm unwilling/unable to give up? I can't share this with family but I desperately need the help of another human. I'm really scared. The driving factor is that I don't feel I have anything to get "better" for, Is it normal to end up not knowing who you are anymore? When I wake up tomorrow I know I will feel so sick and disgusted.  Thanks to anyone that's read this.

Hi

I   am sorry that you are in pain and do not know where to go from here.

I felt so hopeless when I walked in to the recovery program some years ago.

I had given up all faith and hope in myself, my confidence was completely shattered.

By attending meetings and doing it for myself I was able to get clean time in.

Yet when I read step one my life was unmanageable I thought my life was unmanageable due to the gambling and lack of money.

In time I would understand my addictions and obsessions were a from of escape from people life and situations I could not cope with emotionally.

I had got in to the unhealthy habits of burying and suppressing my pains.

I was in effect the rat in the wheel going faster and faster getting no where.

I was doing a job yet had nothing to show all of for my time and all of my efforts.

I was in effect working hard for hours weeks months and years and giving it all away to complete strangers who did not even know me.

Then I understood that the addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable.

The ideal situation was to be completely emotionally detached from all feelings and emotions towards my addictions and obsessions.

Sadly the longer I was in to Gambling I was not very productive in every avenue of my life.

So it started for me Just for today only I will not gamble, to not worry about tomorrow or next week, just live for today only.

To understand that the gambling addiction was a form of self abuse, that I was hurting myself.

In my time in recovery the days went in to weeks them months and I found a much healthier way of life with out Gambling and with out obsessions.

The program of recovery will not stop me gambling that would be my choice, to set a boundary that I am no longer to hurt myself or hurt other people.

Over time I would understand that abstaining from Gambling was not going to make me happy.

Over time I would understand that paying back my debts and having money was not going to make me happy.

So the question was what is happiness and what was love.

The person I feared facing the most walking in to the recovery program was myself.

Walking in to the recovery program was one of the best things I did in my life.

The recovery program was going to help me help myself.

The recovery program was going to help me set up boundaries for myself, to move from unhealthy habits and take up healthy habits.

I would start to value myself and then value other people.

No mater when my last bet was keep going to the meetings.

No mater had no money keep going to the meetings.

No matter when my last bet keep going to the meetings.

I hope you make healthier choices of give up hurting your self, you are worth far more than that.

 Love and peace to every one 

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham