I have a problem that I want to overcome

How does your gambling affect you and your life? Why is it a problem? 

Chris.

@chris-uk 

Hey Chris

It affects my life in that I am always looking at my phone (behind my wife's back), using my hand like a horse blinker so I can check on Football scores (sports betting is out of hand). I literally spend my salary on gambling trying to make more money when I have enough to make ends meet to start the month (slightly different story now). My weekends of walking the dogs is spent by betting on some random football team I know nothing about.

Ill be reading a bedtime story to my daughter and secretly check my phone - I hate what I've become because of it. At work I spend 50% of the day looking at scores - its not sustainable, im stressed, im not happy with who I am right now.

I have an amazing wife - im scared that when I tell her, she'd want to leave me. Gambling is a problem for me because I cant just stop on my own - the only way I can stop is if I dont have money and surprisingly, I actually feel more human again without money. 

This is brand new to me - looking for help, I've always tricked myself into 'ill make it back, its fine'. I am  feeling down, I don't sleep well because my mind is racing trying to think of solutions as to how things will be right. 

I need to make a change or im going to continue missing half my life.

Writing about this literally makes me want to cry

@wishididntgamble Okay, thanks for sharing that. So you love your wife and daughter but you’re worried she’ll leave you. Would you rather stay married and put her through years of misery or take a chance that she’ll support you? 
I found that I faced the same predicament. I was too scared to tell my wife in case she left me so I kept my relapses to myself. My secrets became the excuses I used to carry on gambling. If I had come clean way before I made everything 10 times worse it would have saved so much hardship for everyone. My wife finally had enough eventually and left. If only I’d been braver and sort help earlier.
How do you get help if you try and keep everything a secret? It’s almost impossible to just stop when you have an addiction. It either needs support or blocks or a combination of both. It requires honesty.

If you carry on you’ll destroy your family eventually and I’m sure you don’t want that. Your wife will definitely leave you then so it comes down to this. 
You need to be a bit selfish now and put stopping gambling before anything else. You can either be brave, take a deep breath and tell your wife now and get the help you need. You can start being honest and feel the relief that comes with honesty. Not part honesty but getting everything out. She might support you, she might leave you, but it’ll be her choice. You can be honesty about your feelings, your recovery, about the things you are doing to help yourself.

or you can not tell her. You carry on hoping that everything will turn out alright and she’ll never need to know. But that doesn’t happen because you are an addict and you’ll be carrying around this secret and you will lose everything and then she’ll have enough.

The best time is now. 

As far as help is concerned I go to Gamblers Anonymous. It’s saved me when I got to the point where I had enough of the constant and continuous mess I made in my life. Some people do counselling. Some talk to the gamcare advisors.
It isn’t too late to turn your life around. Money can be earned again. Trust can be rebuilt over time. It will take you though to have had enough and to be brave.

Good luck in your choices.

Chris. 

@wishididntgamble

Hey, 

Unless you tell her, you won’t be able to start your recovery journey. It will be the hardest thing you do, but one of the best things. 
If you don’t tell her, she will find out. My husband did, but I wished I had told him sooner. Don’t let her find out, it will be a lot more of a blow and devastating to her. She will respect you more for telling her.

You can do this! You deserve to beat this awful illness. 

Take care,

Claire 

Hi Wish I didn’t gamble

i hope you don’t mind if I share my story on your post, but you are me, circa 5 months ago.

One day in late July I got a text from my wife asking why I was taking out loans without telling her.  The latest loan i’d applied for had sent the confirmation in the post. All the others had been by email so I’d been able to hide the debt I’d been racking up. I freaked out, tried to call her and cover my tracks, worrying so much that my bags would be packed for me by the time I got home from work.  That sheer feeling of panic in your stomach when you are found out is horrific! 

I got home and came clean about everything, she was so angry that I’d racked up nigh on £15k in debt plus spent all savings before that.  I Put gamban and self exclusions on everything and immediately signed up to this for the counselling- I initially did it so she knew I meant I would stop and in the hope I didn’t lose her and the children.  I’d had debts before I met her, mainly from gambling and with her help and guidance over 10 years ago cleared them all.  She had every right to leave me.  But the counselling I’ve received here and reading others posts has helped me so much, I’ve not gambled since.  We have to face it, it is all a scam to part us from as much money as possible, you cannot be a sustainable winner at this.

I’m still working to rebuild her trust, but she still loves me, I’ve become a good Dad again, and I’ve got money in my bank account after the first weekend of being paid, actually until the last weekend now, even with the cost of living challenges. The debt is a battle scar that I’ll pay off in 5 years.

You have done the first step in recognising your problem, take the advice of others on here. I too am starting my own journey and know how tough it is going to be.

You can do this, as others have said telling someone is important and using all the tools available.

Hi mate, 

Same issue here and was in your position only 5/6 weeks ago. I have been gambling for a long time, and finally made my way to the stock market. 

End up in £35k debt with a wife who didn’t know and 3 young kids. Managed to pluck up the courage and tell her and just wish I’d done it sooner as wouldn’t be in such a big hole. 

Still not great here, and working to try and consolidate debt and get my marriage back on track. Hardest thing for my wife is the dishonesty, but without telling her I’d never be able to look past gambling habits. 

if I could offer any advice, I’d say just do it. Pick a time that is suitable/time you can actually talk and have the answers to questions ready I.e credit report/ bank statements. Be completely honest and work on a plan together. I will be very difficult for you both, but if I can do it so can you. 

keep us updated and hope it goes well. You are not on your own, we’ve all been sucked into this awful habit.

@wishididntgamble What did you decide to do?

Lots of advice suggesting the same thing.

Chris.