I haven’t needed to post for a while but here I am again :/

Hi C

Sorry to hear about this. I strongly believe you should not engage in any gambling activity if you are a compulsive gambler. It will never work and you will just continue to hurt yourself. Gambling addiction is a monster that you don’t feed ever.

I wish you all the best.

I am new here I hit my gambling wall after spending £4000.

It hurts to lose any money but I understand your pain, I stopped on the 1st of June but know I must never take a chance again or I could slide.  

May be you can still give your daughter something special from your heart without money.

My hope goes with you.

Just a quick thought...... your weekend doesnt have to be expensive to be fun..... its lovely weather, invite friends over for the game, the final is allways free on you tube..... im sure one of ur friends will hand u a beer if you invite them over..... relax unwind...... next month/next week u can spend more wisely and can buy your daughter something....

I hope this helps adam123

@adam123 @pep1952

Thanks for reading. 

I’ve decided I’ll probably still go out this weekend but not drink still. I’ve been sober for 5 weeks. The thought of saying Im sober forever was always fairly daunting to think that. I was prepared to break that cycle on Saturday but after this I have decided to continue in control of the one big thing I have been able to keep a lid on and keep this going one day at a time. In hope my gambling will follow suit one day at a time too. I started a journal 5 weeks ago which has been really helpful. I’ve just finished writing in it now telling myself I will still go out and not drink. What is useful is I have access to £50 still. It’s useful because now I can not drink this weekend because I said so and I’m in control. Rather than if I was flat broke with £0 I would be not drinking out of necessity. So I’m glad I still have £50 to not spend it’s more symbolic than anything else. 

Thanks guys 

C

@cal-j At what point do you give up trying to control it when long term you’ve proven it doesn’t work?

Cudos for coming back here and trying to forgive yourself for your actions but if you can accept that you’re an addict then you can stop trying to prove that you can beat it. You can’t. You’ll never win so why keep trying?

Chris

@chris-uk not entirely sure how I’m supposed to take that comment lol. 

Are you saying that I should just accept that my addictive personality will win every time so just let it win and never attempt to address what I clearly know is a problem? that has every chance of snowballing into homelessness or worse? Lol 

@cal-j no, not give up getting better, give up trying to do controlled gambling. You said, and I quote “I’ve been really in control of my gambling for a while now until today. When I have gambled it’s only been with money I can use and I’ve always pulled away and cashed out in a profit, again, until today. 

I’ll keep it short but I just feel really disappointed in myself. I had £200 in my bank and it was there to do something this weekend. I’ve been really disciplined lately and stopped drinking and smoking etc and I felt really great and in control and I was gonna let my hair down this weekend after 5 weeks off the booze. For some reason something came over me earlier and I believed I could double the £200 I had in my account which would enable me to still go out on the weekend and really spoil my daughter on her birthday next week as well. As is probably evident with me being here that didn’t happen. Machine took all my money, I don’t have any money to go out on the weekend now and I can’t spoil my daughter like I wanted to”.

If you accept your addictive personality will win every time you do the addictive activity, I’m saying to not do it, not give up trying.

One little saying in our GA room is to imagine your addiction as Mike Tyson and you are going to fight him. You’ll probably accept that if that was the case you’d probably lose so why keep getting back in the ring trying to beat him? It doesn’t mean give up, it says to accept that’s a battle you won’t win. Just don’t get back in the ring. Just put gambling down. I know it’s not as easy as that obviously but all I’m saying is to try changing your mindset and have complete abstinence from all types of gambling.

You are in control until you aren’t. I’m in control of one thing-to not place the first bet.

I hope that is clearer.

Chris.

@chris-uk Ahh yes that does make more sense now. To be honest what set me off yesterday was a podcast I was listening to/watching after work where the person on it was talking about gambling. I can usually push it down and I just go the gym or a long walk and take my mind elsewhere. But for some reason last night that didn’t happen and i allowed the trigger to manifest itself to the point i actively went to w**********l to itch it. I need to immediately turn things like that off if I feel it triggering me and do something else. 

C

like the tyson thing that's a great way to put it and very true.......why on earth go in the ring again....just accept youre going to lose and dont go in the ring in future...