I have been with my partner for 3 years and for the last year or so his gambling has got progressively worse to the point he is spending all his wages in one go. He has tried changing his bank account to an atm only card, self excluded, tried gamestop and therapy and nothing has worked. I have a 7year old child and need to start thinking whether it is better to cut ties with my partner asap or whether there is chance of him ever stopping. Hes has aspergers and adhd which doesn't help as he sees it as a game rather than gambling. I feel like I have tried everything and nothing is working everytime we think he has stopped we find out hes lied and has found a way to gamble
Hi Katie no one can tell you to stay or go, that's your choice. Get some help and support for yourself. Find a gamanon meeting. Call gamcare for advice or counselling. My husband believes GA and handing over finances stops him. Really it's a choice. I don't have experience of ADHD or Asperger so I don't know how differently your partner behaves or whether it's an excuse. Most addicts will spin stories or reasons not to stop. Get some help and safeguard your finances. Don't pay his debts, don't give him money.
Hi Katie,
May I suggest getting in touch with 'the problem gambling clinic' in London. I too tried everything but kept relapsing. They prescribed me a drug called Naltrexone that takes away your cravings to gamble. However it is a big step to take as you can't drink alcohol on it. Not only have I not gambled since New year's eve but I haven't drank. I'm healthier than I've been in years.
All the best.
Stu
Thank you for your replies. In my opinion it feels like he doesn't even want to stop even though he says he does. Hes tried therapy and even lied to him its such a frustrating position to be in and reading comments on here saying people have had 30 year gambling problems is really worrying. Luckily he doesn't have any debt but is just spending all his wages on gambling
Stu that sounds promising is that the only place that would offer that type of medication?
Nothing has worked because he doesn't want it to. No-one can make the decision for you but an active gambler won't stop until they want it for themselves and they then have to keep on wanting it more than they want the next bet. Protect the finances to give yourself breathing space to decide how you want to live and how you deserve to be treated. Put yourself and your child first.
That's exactly what I feared
Does anyone have any experience of gamanon meetings? It's just with aspergers my partner doesn't like crowded rooms just wondering if anyone knows roughly what happens and how many people are usually there?
GamAnon meetings are for the gambler’s loved ones, best advice is to start going regularly. Also look into codependency, information about CoDA is on line.
GA meetings are for the gambler, some groups are larger than others but there’s enough choice, especially in the cities.
Overcoming addiction has to come from within, the gambler has to have the commitment and willingness to do what it takes. No doubt some courage is needed to go to the first meeting but for those who have it within them to do what it takes, meetings are vital. For those less committed, meetings are less attractive in case they inhibit potential gambling. Unchecked, the gambling gets worse and worse and if you let him, he’ll drag you down with him.
There isn’t a magic pill to overcome addiction because addiction is a spiritual and emotional problem. Overcoming addiction requires a daily commitment to keep on with recovery.
It’s worth looking at why you are so desperate to keep this relationship with him going, why your focus is on him and not you. If he gambles all of his wages, how can he pay his way? If you pick up the slack, then you’re taking away the natural consequences and that allows the gambling to continue. Gamblers aren’t usually there for their partners emotionally, they’re too busy worrying about the next fix. How does this affect you? Is it what you want? Are you being well treated and if not, why are you allowing it? Do you know who you are, what you stand for, what your hopes and dreams are, what you want in life and in relationships? Where does he fit in? Your recovery starts with you but if your tendency is to fix other people, as you’re finding, it doesn’t work. It’s codependent.
CW
Katie if you go to Gamanon website there should be group list. You can email the group and ask how many members, explain your concerns. If you go to gamanon you can see for yourself. If you get some advice from others you will be better prepared to deal with this. Then you can start making informed decisions. Gamcare offer counselling one to one for either you or your partner.
Hi Katie,
Yes that's the only place that might prescibe it for you. There is a waiting list for phone appointments. You don't have to go to the clinic, they will call speak to you over the phone.
Sorry I wasnt clear before. We dont live together yet but he does stay at mine a lot and doesn't have access to my money and gives me money to help out. Thanks for the advice I'm hoping he will be willing to try a meeting. Thanks for your advice he has already tried therapy from gamcare but he wasnt being 100% honest when he relapsed so wasnt working
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