Jan 2nd 2017.... To date that was my last bet, nearly 2 months on and I'm hitting that frustrating point where you slowly see how better life is without gambling, trying to stay postive and realise that hindsight is always a fine thing, what have I learnt in these 2 months that have been different to any other time I've quit?? This time it was my own choice to quit, no pressure from anyone just me thinking its time to stop, but I have also learnt that it was also my own choice to gamble in the first place... I used gambling as an excuse to where I was in my life, I used it to fill a void of loneliness and a feeling of emptiness I had inside me, i firmly believe every gambler is like this... Trying to run or hide from something they are going through or feel inside, I always blamed others for my gambling, always found an excuse, but yet again those excuses I found I made the choice to gamble instead of dealing with situations, now im coming up to 10 years in my job aged 27 and I have nothing to really show in my life apart from debts til im 30.... Living with my parents, luckily I see my son plenty but can't give him all he deserves... I know looking back isnt good thats why im trying to look to the future and what I want in my life, I have a new relationship which is really helping me and someone that understands me and helps guide me without telling me what to do, I make all my own choices and I beg anyone that reads this, never be scared to deal with your situation, be honest with people it might not be easy as first but they will respect you for it in the end. Don't choose to gamble just for an escape... Good luck to everyone that is on this hard journey in life
Very true what a great post, an inspiration
Well done.
Malc
Hi
Yes I agree with a lot of what you say brownie889. It has to be the gamblers decision to enter recovery and it does require a lot of soul searching and working out who we really are and what emptiness may lay inside.
I do respectfully slightly disagree with the liberal use of the word choice as if we could always have made that choice. Something deep and powerful was driving me to gamble. Yes I accept I did it and I wasnt really looking for other people to blame. I did go through earlier periods where everybody was to blame but me....but then I became calmer and faced who I am.
Yes I suppose I did choose to start but it took me forty years to finally stop and realise I must be gamble free for the rest of my life. When I saw my first fruit machine it was more of an instant and driven desire .Its scary to admit but I think it was excitement in a way nothing else seemed to excite me
It wasnt like choosing a nice bit of food or hi fi equipment...it was a rush of desire to have a go wrapped up in a slightly naughty feeling, wrapped up in wanting to feel lucky, loved, important and No 1 etc etc
However there are other people to blame like the gambling dens. I accept enough of the responsibility but I didnt design build and place those machines. I firmly believe it works like other addictions. If people have access to drugs some will try and get addicted.
I felt the choice was taken out of my hands from that first fruit machine.......I couldnt stop and something inside was keeping me going. Thats the scary thing as I now feel I wasnt in control of myself....something else was.. I was driven by addiction and it took an all time low of crying for three days when I finally did something. I realised I was dying inside if not literally
It was a ray of light, a born again moment and a grim determination to get the photos done as soon as the booth opened.
In a sense it was always our choice but we couldnt make that choice for our own good. Addiction removes the choice until that chink of light finally shines through.
I understand what you are saying but rational people make rational choices. Addicts are in the grip of something quite sinister and that is why many find it difficult to have a long period of recovery.
Great post and its great to see you have seen the light and are facing the reality. I suppose you are right though in that it is a choice which has to be made. Starting and stopping is a choice we make but for years I just want able to make the choice to be gamble free.
Best wishes
Thanks malc....
And also thank you joydivider for your very honest post, I totally see and understand why you slightly disagree with the word choice... I have been in the same situation where I have found myself knowing something was wrong and that I shouldn't be doing it, I called this auto-pilot mode where id walk up to the counter place a bet and continue to do so for a few hours until I either lost everything or won and realised what the time was, sometimes finishing work at 4pm and finally getting home at 9pm lying to people where I had been especially once I moved home with my parents when my addiction was at a high... One of the reasons I use the word choice is because after leaving work those days I had choices to make.. Drive straight home? Go to the bookies? Go to the shop near the bookies which could tempt me into going in? I was choosing to stop my car, get out and walk into the shop and place a bet, was it a choice made in the right mind? No, I was like you allowing my addiction to control me and my actions with no consideration of anything else, but at the end of it for me personally I now see it as it was choices I was making amd now I use that to keep telling myself its my choice of what I do from here. I appreciate that it may not be the same for everyone, that chink of light is often there if your ready to admit the problem, and make a choice for yourself..
Keep up the great work and thank you for the response, all the best =)
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
