Living Without The Buzz

Hi Captain46, an interesting and thought-provoking post; thank you for sharing it.

I can understand and relate wholeheartedly with what you are saying.

I have stopped for five years now after gambling for twenty. The thought of living without an almost constant "buzz", win or lose, was one of my biggest fears going forward.

But after a while, you do come to accept that the buzz that you craved, every minute of every hour of every day, was based on a lie - that you could stop and walk away at any point, win or lose.

After you accept that winning is more dangerous than losing, and that it will only make you crave more of the same at higher stakes than before (which invariably leads to losing), then you begin to come to terms with the fact that what you felt and experienced was based on nothing, false hope, a dream that never really existed.

It is something you don't want to believe, something that you don't want to accept; so much so that you push all rational thought and the potential consequences of your actions to the back of your mind.

I don't feel the same anymore because I can't miss something that never existed. I also know that any "buzz" that I ever gained was only ever temporary, win or lose - once the game is over and you walk away broke, or with wads of money, the feeling wears off very quickly.

Why is that the case? Because there is no sense of achievement or fulfillment - you haven't actually improved your life or learnt anything new. Since stopping, I found that I needed this more than anything else, and now I do charity work, go hiking, travelling, write, sing and so much more - these give me genuine highs that last for days.

Is it the same as the buzz you experience through gambling? No - every experience gives you a difference kind of rush; but then, after a time, you realise that all of thoughts thoughts, feelings and money-driven obsession were based on nothing, absolutely nothing, as I said above, which renders it all worthless - I can't miss something that was never there.

It does take a long time to come to terms with that in your own mind; you want to believe the impossible, you want to believe that you are in control, you want to believe that this truly adds something to your life but it is a fairy tale, nothing more.

Everyone is different, but I find that, as being part of this Forum for seven years, people often relapse because they are scared of, or can't push themselves to change their whole lives, which is what is necessary in most cases. People perceive gambling to be an "easy fix" - it takes a lot of work to change, but if you don't, then this affliction truly is a vicious circle that you are doomed to repeat over and over again.

Thanks again Captain46 and I hope your own path to recovery is serving you well. You have been here four years now and you clearly know your onions; this is just my personal perspective.

JamesP

Missing the buzz is a big problem for me and I find it hard to get enjoyment from anything else these days. I used to be a DJ & producer and I've tried getting back into it to fill my time but I just don't enjoy it like I used to and lose concentration so quickly when I try to make music now. I used to love watching sport but find myself getting bored very quickly now that I don't have a bet on, plus you get constantly bombarded with gambling adverts on anything related to sport.

I generally have very little interest in anything else now, I keep trying to find new things to fill my time but subconsciously I'm thinking that it's not as big a buzz as gambling. I hope this will improve over time as I've only stopped gambling for 5 months (with a few hiccups along the way)

JamesP / Arbee

Thanks for responses.

For me the buzz was never temporary, it was a feeling which allowed me to live on a constant high, it only relented after major losses.

The rest of the time the buzz helped me be more outgoing, more conversational, more alive, gave me a much needed escape from reality. So there were advantages aside from planning and hands-on gambling.

If someone finds other interests / hobbies / activities which they can enjoy, these may fulfil that persons life completely or partially. I think some of this depends on the individual and their life circumstances.

If the period of years gambling is high, then it will become more difficult to live without the buzz, or if they cannot find alternative means of life enjoyment, irrespective of the number of years gambling.

Arbee, like you, I cannot watch sport now, sport was only there for me gambling on, it is now just some guys kicking or hitting a ball.

For me I have accepted that I cannot replace the buzz. I have had to learn to live without it. Life is not better, because gambling was never the main problem in my life, those were caused by bad life decisions and circumstances which cannot now be reversed.

My finances are better, my general life isnt, but I never expected it to be, because I explored and considered so many options and alternatives during my recovery stages and identified pastimes and activities to help in my recovery and take up my time ongoing, but nothing to replace the buzz.

I get this whole thing about the buzz. For me I suppose that was my fix that I needed. The more I gambled the higher the stakes needed to be to get my buzz. But the feeling when the big bet comes in is what I craved. On the rare winning days that I had the buzz would make me feel like I was in a cloud flying high. The buzz of cheering my horse home and then watching the girls count out my winnings. That dream I had of making a living out of gambling, how I would *** it and get the discipline needed to make my system work.

Every now and again when I had a rare run of consecutive winners it would make me feel invincible. But the following day was always the same, the run would end and my stakes would go higher and higher chasing my losses until my money had run out.

For me I will never replace the buzz, nor will I replace the despair and horrible emptiness that gambling left me with. So I would rather accept there's no more buzz but there's so much more to life that gambling has deprived me of and I intend to enjoy it.

Bornagain is right. Every relapse, for me, involves a craving for the buzz, the interest, the connection but at the end there is the despair of being back at day one having lost my money, my time and my self respect. I just wish I could remember that when the urges come.