Made a bet after 18 months gamble free :-(

build your defences and just keep going you had a blip and just make sure that's all it remains

Thanks, and I will certainly do my best!

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I'm left wondering why I didn't spot the danger and have my guard up.

Well, yes I do. I likely didn't want to!

Just been thinking about my circumstance. I was feeling low (usually a trigger) and I'd had a drink (another trigger) and I'm staying over at my parents place to cat sit (the home I began and always used to online gamble in) - I should've had alarm bells going off really. All the triggers and familiar gambling surroundings?

Next time I'm asked to cat sit I need to say no, or bring a friend and definately don't allow myself alcohol!

I'm partly still glad this blip happened though. Because I stopped mid binge. That's a new one for me. Previously, I Would've continued until I'd exhausted all funds and then some. I'm quite proud I quit before it got too out of hand. I didn't even really enjoy it. I was even looking forward to it being over. I feel I've shown myself once and for all that gambling will not fulfill any need whatsoever and I do infact have the upper hand. I'm the one in control, and I don't ever want to gamble online again.

I've come a long way. I remember thinking a few years ago that I may have a problem, but the thought of never gambling again terrified me, so I went into denile. Now I'm terrified of wanting to gamble.

I really believe my 18 months gamble free pre this blip can so easily become 18 years. I know I can do it, and I want to do it x

Pinky, so sorry you have had this lapse. But you seem to have learned a lot from it about recognising your triggers and it's a positive thing that you were able to stop when you did. For the future, have you considered installing blocking software? You can find out more here: http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/blocking-software

Keep posting,

Forum Admin

Thanks Dean. I've still got all those negative feelings going on at the moment, so I'm beating myself up. You're right though, I should focus on the good parts of my recovery. I know it'll seem clearer in a few days.

I haven't told my partner yet, as I'm staying over at my parents and he's been at home feeling poorly. I don't want to talk about this over the phone, I feel I owe it to him to talk face to face. All past slips or binges have ended with me admitting things via text or letter. I don't want to do this any more however tempted I may be because it avoids facing the person you're about to let down!

I even thought about not mentioning it. I can't do that because I made a promise to always be honest and tell him if I ever gambled again. I'm a little worried about having our chat tomorrow night when I get home - but the fact he asked me to promise to tell him shows he's there willing to support me.

Again, thank god for small mercies. I stopped the binge, I haven't impacted my finances and/or our future. My past slips have been so much more damaging all round. I'll have upset and disappointed the man I love, but I'm trying to think about the positive sides to my recovery. I need him to see that although I made a mistake, overall I am getting better at dealing with this addiction.

I pray for his understanding, for he is the last person I want to hurt. He's innocent in all this and doesn't deserve it x

I've just had a little chat with a gamcare counsellor because I'm just so overwhelmed with guilt and remorse today, I needed to chat.

The subject of triggers came up, and although I will have come across this in my past it re-established my main trigger is low moods. Before this slip my period of low moods I believe was brought on by excess alcohol. I had a down day, so hit the wine a bit too hard after work. That brought on a few more days of feeling low, so I cracked open another bottle at the weekend to cheer me up. A few days later I was drinking brandy of an evening instead, this went on for a couple of weeks leading all the way up to my slip.

It saddens me I didn't work this out before. I don't want to face a potential alcohol problem as well! Let's hope I've caught this one and can make sure I'm able to drink responsibly in the future. If not it'll be a trip to the GP for more support.

I might have to reassess my moods too and keep an eye on myself. It could be I've have underlying depression (which I've been treated for before), probably worsened by alcohol and I may need to treat that.

My heads still all over the place today. I've really put myself through the ringer emotionally over the weekend, and hardly slept. I need a bit of time, some decent sleep and more importantly the love and support of my partner and chance to really think things through.

Hi pinky- 18 months gamble free - that is a great achievement! Well done to you. - sorry you have has a blip in your recovery. Look at it as a blip, you didn't let it escalate, you didn't get out of control and you realised what your trigger was on reflection. Dont give yourself a really hard time when you have done so well. Pick yourself back up, move forward again and kick this addictions b**t xx

Hi Pinky, we spoke a little in the a few nights ago. I think after 18 months gamble free you maybe thought you could deposit £20 as a "treat" to yourself. Sadly for us, being the gamblers we are/were having a little dabble is our "treat". Someone else, a "normal" person's treat is an item of clothing or maybe a meal out. For us, sadly the normal things don't give us our fix. Please, please do not beat yourself up over this. Yes, you gave into temptation, but look at that bigger picture. You have gone through 18months of non gambling, how brilliant is that? I wish you well. T xx

Thank you. I let my guard down and allowed myself to forget or ignore I'm a CG. It's not the first time I've done that, by any means! But I sure hope it will be the last.

Thank you to all who come here for sharing their support with one another. It's a massive help x

Hi Pinky, like you earlier this month I relapsed after 18 months. It seems to happen around this time gamble free and we can learn from it and leave it behind us. Many would say it is part of recovery. Be kind to yourself and look forward not back. You are not alone. We can dust ourselves off and start over. Casey said to me "winners are not people who never fail, winners are people who never give up" that gave me such comfort & I hope it helps you too. Look after yourself, Suzy

Hi Pinky sorry to hear about your problem.

It's great that you will tell your partner. Why not also talk through the feelings and thoughts you were having around the time you felt down. Being honest about your gambling can be about more than just admitting a slip.

It sounds like you were struggling to deal with your emotions, which caused you to hit the sauce and then gamble. Rather than be able to sit with the pain you sought to avoid it by gambling/drinking. Talking to your partner/someone about difficult emotions can bring acceptance perspective. It will also help your partner to understand.

Louis

Excellent advice Louis, thank you.

It is something I've been mulling over the past few days. I do have trouble expressing my feelings, and often am not even sure myself of the cause! My partner is always asking what's wrong, to which I reply I don't know. Because I don't.

I think it was just an accumulation of lots of little things, and somehow getting bored with the mundane day to day life. I'm definately going to try and talk more with my partner and see if we can't get to the bottom of all this 🙂