Good morning/afternoon/evening all. Like all compulsive gamblers, nights often become mornings and afternoons often become the time we end up tucking ourselves into bed, usually with a hint of remorse and often wishing that when we wake up it was all just a bad dream.
I have been gambling for 7 years and after numerous mornings of waking up this way, even though somehow it felt 'normal' it was always harder to drag myself out of bed than the previous occasion.
I am a typical binge gambler and I joined this site around 2 years ago, as a result of a big loss and in seek of some help. As like any binge gambler I dont feel the need to constantly have a bet, instead I start with a small bet and unless I win, I feel the urge to chase my money over the next few hours/days until the inevitable happens and eventually lose everything I have... including money for rent, food and even travelling costs to get to work. This was a common occurance on payday or just after.
This didnt happen every payday, but when it did my partner at the time always bailed me out. Over 5 years we had many good holidays and good times together, but this was usually funded by herself or money I had attained through gambling. Having lied one too many times and covering up the extent of my problem devestatingly for me we broke up last year and I moved out. I thought I could conquer this problem by myself, but boy was I wrong! I was now a compulsive gambler without a conscience...
So.... Im sure you all know what is coming next....
Yes 2013 was disastrous for me, gambling on almost every payday, losing all of my money and with nobody to bail me out I turned to payday loans. At my Lowest point I had 10 payday loans, whilst still owing over £5000 to various family members.
My story has a bit of a twist too. For the last 10 years I have worked in the gambling industry. You would think I know better... For me there is no escape, as I earn a good wage and need my job. I also enjoy my job most of the time, but would look to get out of the industry fairly soon.
My gambling over the years has ranged from, casino's, FOBT's, sports betting, online poker and various other things,such as scratchcards. However FOBT's and Roulette in Casino's are my big downfall.
I knew I needed help and having already tried one on one counselling through this site however reluctant I was, I attended my first GA meeting.
The one to one meeting I found through this site didnt work for me, It was alot of talking about myself to someone who had never placed a single bet in his life. After the second meeting I stopped going.
However GA was comlpletely different... Unfortunately for me, my first meeting was an open meeting. I didnt get much of an insight to what GA was, as this was an evening dedicated to those who had been off gambling for a period of time. It was still nice to listen to other peoples stories though. Knowing I was not alone with my problem, I decided to go the following week and met ordinary people with one similarity to me. They were all compulsive gamblers...
After my second meeting I did have a slip. Maybe I thought I was cured? I now understand that for us compulsive gamblers there is no cure... However we can arrest our problem and control it.
Since that one slip I have attended GA every week and have seen many new faces come and go and found somewhere every week I can go to talk about issues I have if they arise. I now look forward to going, as I now know these people on a more personal level and can also talk about everyday things, not just gambling.
I would urge anyone to give GA a chance, as for me I am now mentally, emotionally and financially in a much better place. Gambling now does not constantly occupy my mind and I can concentrate on much more important things.
I read these forums almost everyday, but now I feel that I could contribute occasionally and give advice to others if I can.
As of today, I am coming up to 6 weeks gamble free, feeling strong motivated and looking forward to the future ... and my next meeting 🙂
I hope this thread will encourage others and on that note I wish you all a good morning/afternoon/evening.
Scambling
Hi Scambling,
Great to see you're having 6 weeks free of gambling, keep it up.
Hi Scambling, I remember your posts from previously; great to see you making progress.
I gambled for twenty years before stopping around six years ago - it was a very long time before I tried GA, and I sincerely wish that I had gone earlier. It is great to see that you have come round to the idea, when you weren't sure about involving yourself in group sessions.
Recovery can be a euphoric experience in itself my friend- it is important to remember that you won't always feel this way at times - there will be the odd dark day ahead but, as long as you ride the storm, tomorrow is almost certainly going to be a better day.
Complacency also plays a part - sometimes you can feel so positive that you almost feel "cured", and can have the odd small bet again; it is amazing how quickly you can spiral into oblivion in minutes.
It can also make your past seem a lot further away, making it easier to "numb out" past losses and experiences - try to keep them at the forefront of your mind my friend; stay focused and realistic about you and who you are.
Well done again and I sincerely hope you continue along this postive path my friend.
JamesP
Hi Scambling,
Well done on 6 weeks - that is a great achievement. It sounds as though you are starting to turn your life around. As with another poster on here who works in the gambling industry, I don't know how manage to combat this while being surrounded by it every day, so again, really well done for that, it shows real determination.
It is interesting how different things work for different people. I was pretty much the opposite of you - GA didn't work that well for me personally - I found there were quite a few people in the group who were still in the midst of gambling and not really committed to giving up - and for me, I knew this was dangerous to be around. One-to-one counselling on the other hand, let me shut myself off from that and focus on me and importantly the reasons why I gambled. Getting to those core reasons - which are very personal and deeply ingrained and stemmed from early on in life - was tough, but has helped me to see gambling as a symptom of that and beat it.
I guess the point is, everyone needs to find what works for them. I am a very passionate believer that we all share exactly the same disease - I truly believe gambling addiction (and perhaps addictions full stop) is a single entity - but how it manifests itself and how we tackle it, is quite individual.
Anyway, I'm rambling Scambling 🙂 Well done and good luck going forward.
Hi all quick update.
Over 8 weeks gamble free now, is it possible you could move this thread to recovery diaries please James P?
Im feeling like I am in recovery now 😀
Hi Scambling,
Really well done on the 8 weeks gamble free, that's a great start! Just wanted to let you know that whilst James P is an amazing contributor to the forum, he doesn't actually work for Gamcare and wouldn't be able to move your thread for you. And unfortunately, we're not able to move your entire thread either, I'm afraid.
If you want to head over to Recovery Diaries, what I'd suggest is to copy your first post above and paste it in there with a new title, since this particular thread isn't too far along yet.
Hope this suggestion works for you, and keep up your great work. I really hope you're finding life to be more enjoyable and less stressful without gambling!
Travis
Thanks Travis I have done what you have said in terms of starting my recovery diary.
In terms of JamesP I had assumptions that he was a moderator based on the remarkable number of threads he contibutes to.
Well thanks anyway its now sorted 🙂
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