New to this. Need help

Hello @rye110, 

Welcome to the Forum. Well done for reaching out and posting about your experience. 

I'm sorry to hear you've had this recent relapse. It's a difficult time at the moment and many people are struggling with their recovery. You can turn this into a learning experience and come back even stronger. This forum is an excellent place to connect with other people who have been through similar, you may also want to join our chatrooms (www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/group-chatroom) they run at 1pm and 8pm every day, as well as Tuesdays at 3pm, Wednesdays at 10am, Fridays at 10am and Fridays at 3pm. 

In addition to the peer support that you can find on this forum and in the chatrooms, I would also encourage you to get in contact with our advisers through the Helpline (0808 8020 133) or Netline (our webchat www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/talk-to-us-now). They will listen non-judgmentally and offer support and advice to help you find a way forward. Advisers are available to talk 24 hours a day, every day. 

For free advice about your debts, you can contact one of the following charities:
National Debtline – 0808 808 4000  www.nationaldebtline.org
StepChange – 0800 138 1111  www.stepchange.org
PayPlan – 0800 280 2816  www.payplan.com/gamcare

I am concerned about your comment about being threatened with being kicked out, and beaten up. I'm not sure whether this was a threat to beat you up or if you were attacked, however, both violence and threat of violence are unacceptable, no matter what has happened with your gambling. You can contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk) 0808 2000 247 and www.mensadviceline.org.uk for support, and if you find yourself in immediate danger, please call 999 for police assistance.

There's a lot of support available for you, please continue to reach out. 

Kind regards,

Elizabeth
Forum Admin

Hi Elizabeth,

thanks for your advice here. The comment about being beaten/kicked out was solely a threat to never do it again. Obviously I have done it again so have to try to hide it from them. 

I am a member of GAMSTOP and I have one close friend who knows of my relapse. I have worked out my monthly payments on my debts and they are affordable should I continue to live with parents with small rent payments and of course don’t have any further debts. 

I have terrible anxiety now purely because I spent 12 months getting myself into a decent position where I was close to being debt free. To then going back to square one maybe even worse. 

I haven’t accepted the losses but I know continuing to chase those losses would put me in an even worse situation with unaffordable debt. I wish I knew of GAMSTOP sooner.

thanks 

Dear Rye110,

Thank you very much for replying. It is good that you have signed up to Gamstop, worked out a repayment plan and spoken to a friend. It's good that you have someone you can speak to about this. 

It's still worrying that you have been threatened with violence because you now feel unable to share your problem with those closest to you, your family - plus you are now quarantined with them. Please do consider contacting one of the following organisations for support:

National Domestic Abuse Helpline:  https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

Mens Advice Line: https://mensadviceline.org.uk/

You're also welcome to contact us on the National Gambling HelpLine on 0808 8020 133 or Livechat. We're open 24/7. We can help you draw a line under your losses and move forward. Our free treatment and support remains available throughout the current social restrictions.

Keep posting,

Deirdre
Forum Admin

Hi Rye,

I know exactly what you are going through, I have been there myself, and I am a similar age to you. I am 28 years old now, and I have played your scenario out myself, albeit slightly less figures but near enough the exact same script.

My personal take on the situation is that you have done the right thing in telling your close friend. You need to really try and open up to them though, as you don't want keep things in as that guilt will eat you up and fuel any anxiety you might be feeling.

If you haven't ever read any of the literature on the gamblers anonymous website then I would strongly recommend that you do that. I would read the orange book which is the questions and answers section. It will be a 30-40 minute read, but the section on page 22/23 of Just for Today is something that I am particularly trying to focus on myself at the moment, and I think its very helpful.

I have done 18 months without a bet, and relapsed, multiple times over. Its about how you bounce back, and stay positive and plan and move forward. You cant dwell on the money lost, or the situation its put you in, all you can do is move forward and take it day by day. One day at a time. You have your whole life ahead of you, and everyday you spend gamble free is a good day, a great day, and a day that you can make positive steps in your life.

I hope you keep posting on this forum and updating us, and moving forward in your recovery. You are not alone in this, many of us have been where you are, and there is a way forward.

Take care, one day at a time.

Hi rye,

Ok you spent a lot, but now you admitted your problem thats the main thing,

You have spent before and your parents have helped you and you recovered your debt!

Dont be to hard on yourself as during this lockdown its very easy to relapse, which you prob would not have otherwise, (many people have done it),  try to do as you done before and realise your mistake which you have and im sure you after this lockdown you will be fine,

with the very best to you!

Hi to both of you,

thank you for commenting on my post. I am now 5 days since my relapse. My close friend is talking to me non stop to make sure I’m staying on top of the mental battle. 

Jack I will take your advice and visit the literature. Right now, I never want to touch gambling ever again and feel confident of that. But I will need reminding in years to come of the anxiety, depression and thoughts that I’ve been going through to stop another relapse. 

thank you both for your positive comments, I hope we stay in contact and I’ll be taking my life day by day.