The financial future is a common theme from people who use this forum - new or regulars (no difference?) with obviously different ages and circumstances?
In my view (as always) dwelling on financial losses due to gambling is very common (AS I did) amongst people desperately trying to stop and perhaps trying to recover the losses. It's not going to happen. The money is gone and never coming back despite the intrinsic nature most human beings have.
Of course I think about the money I lost. I also think the pension plan I've been paying into since 1999 is garbage from my last annual statement. Do I care? Yep but it's just the way it is.
I guess my point is the money, lost years etc. is something I/you (not judging) need to move on from. I have to and want to offer a hand of friendship to people who have just started their journey and I'm no expert.
Best wishes friends, Phil.
Great post. Thank you
I believe the worst scenario being a cg is having debts (I never had any). Even this can be put behind us, just forget about the damage done and move forward.
This is a very touchy subject because most people I believe dont really think about the money itself but the hard word they put in to earn that money - and its gone down the drain.
I put every loss behind every single time (total of 300k+) including my apartment. Every single time I found a way to heal myself and move on. As I mentioned above the real regret (I know its better to not have regrets - even these go away with time) so the real regret is the work put in - hard work for it to all go down the drain. I also lost my gf or at least this is what I believe - she left me because of my compulsive gambling and other things. I upset my mother so many times. She lost trust in me - and other people.
An other thing that gambling does to us cg's is make us depressed and dispaired which results in loss of ambition, creativity , willing to improve ourselfs and I can go on for a while. Basaically after every big loss I had I stopped working, stopped going out , stopped all hobbies and even lost intrest to take care of myself (get a hair cut - personal higiene etc.) This is the truth.
I just lost so much and now I am again trying to climb up from the hole I fell into again. Put it behind , flush it right down the d**n toillete.
Best wishes everyone
Very concise point about the loss element, that is what dwells on the majority it seems, me included. The first step is accepting its gone and you must earn it back through hard work and discipline. There are no shortcuts in life, we pave our own future. I’ve been struggling with this for years and I’m only 22. I’ve visited this site many times but this time I’ve signed up, researched why I gamble, what it does to the brain, given my debit card to a relative, started a journal and set a very tight saving plan which will allow me to live comfortably enough in a months time to feel free from the trouble of this pathetic habit we indulge in religiously. What way did you gamble if you don’t mind me asking Phil? Great post by the way.
Mostly horse racing. I think you have made some very wise decisions and at 22 years old - think of the life ahead without this horrible monkey on your back movingforward.
Best wishes, Phil.
Thanks Phil, my vice was sports, I love sports and had I been sensible and stuck to what I knew it could of been a tame hobby. But this isn’t how the story goes is it? We are all living proof of the progression this habit takes. It breeds within our minds and we lose all ability to think rationally when lost in the haze of chemicals. Discipline and gambling do not mix. I’m very self critical and also happy I’m self aware enough to recognise there is something wrong with me at a stage where I’m not damaged beyond return. Having said that I’d be lying to say I don’t have thoughts from time to time that I wish I’d never touched online sports betting. That in some twisted way makes me want to erase the losses it has caused by doing the exact same thing. Our psychology is flawed, I know that I can’t find happiness in the place I lost it but my subconscious urges me to try it again. I’m the type of guy who would pick 20p of the floor if I saw it yet I’ve gambled and lost thousands in the space of a few hours on a few occasions. I’d never part with my money like I’ve done on these websites. I play a game I know is designed for me to lose. I then proceed to get upset when I lose. Its all quite baffling really, how do so many of us fall victim to this. Why do let we allow it to disconnect us from reality, from what’s important?
Same boat. I work hard for my money yet come payday I'm more interested in winning more. It's so silly how our brains work. I have lost over 20k the past 2 months. And this was money that was meant to set me up for The long time instead I tried to win a bit extra. I'm a fool but money can be made to earned. It'll take a long time to get that sort of money back. But I'm ready to give it 100% to stop
Great posts Phil and others.
So here am I Day 0 again.
Just out of the casino having lost another big sum again. I was on a roller coaster the last month and a half or so showing discipline and stopping and then gambling and stopping. Pretty much the same story for the last 4+ years.
Shame, guilt, anger, despair. Losses have been huge. Debts have piled up.
I know what I should be doing. I have done it. Self excluded. Given my cards away. Experienced peace but yet gone back. Not persisted with my recovery.
Perhaps the crux has been I have not been able to accept my losses. Not been able to move on. Wanted that thing in life that I felt was lacking. Thought money from gambling will get it only to find myself in a deeper hole each time.
And that thing I need to sit back and re-evaluate what it is. re-discover the deceitful nature of my broken mind. Find a way to fix. But above now put all the blocks in place to stop, really stop.
I will come back and read this post. What lies ahead is a challenge. There will be periods of intense regret, pain and remorse.
Periods of intense bitterness, trepidation and guilt.
Periods of intense self loathing, anger and shame.
I will need to find courage to come through those periods. I guess I will keep coming on this site to chronicle those or just read others stories and find strength.
Whatever it is it will not be easy I know. Being in this situation is not really pleasant or I don’t know.
What I know is I should start with a change of mindset. I still have lots of things in life that I should be thankful for. Try and focus on the positives of life. I’ll see how it goes from here.
Good luck everyone.
Hey shattered, I'm sorry to hear about your relapse man.
I wanna ask a question and I hope you don't take it the wrong way. But you say you know what you should have done, hand over your cards and exclude etc. The question I want to ask you is do you really want to stop gambling? Or do you just want the negative feelings that come about as a result of your gambling to stop?
I hope you don't take the wrong way, I'm not being judgemental at all. Only I know deep down that until recently I didn't really want to stop gambling, I just wanted all my losses back and my debts cleared and to stop feeling like c**P about it. Unfortunately there is nothing anyone else can really do to make it better or make you feel better about yourself.
If you really want to stop, you have to implement everything that you know deep down needs to happen for you to actually recover.
I hope you're doing OK buddy
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