Relapse

Hi guys 

Unfortunately today I relapsed, not as much as I have in the past but the amount doesn't really matter an the reason behind it was to try and cover a bill which when I think about it I could have dealt with it how I did after the fact. 

I was honest with my partner although it took me a couple of hours to confess what I had done. Now luckily for us, my wage goes into her account so the main bills were paid. But again, that doesn't matter as the fact is I went and gambled again. 

Now as much as I did, do I feel bad. Of course I do but there is some relief in not gambling my whole wage this times. I thought I was strong enough to do it without signing up to Gamstop but I was wrong, today I have finally done it an ya know what I feel good about it. I know that I can no longer do it which will stop the urge of me doing it. I feel a sense of relief as I can now truly focus on what matters. It's not how much money you have or your personal possessions, it's who stood by you while you lied and hid the truth. The person who loves you, even though they are hurting right now. I think the penny has finally dropped, I want my partner to remain in love me, a son who looks up to me and a happy future. I don't need expensive gifts, a big house or extravagant holidays. I need my little family.

These last few months have been the hardest ever and unfortunately I made my partner suffer too, she didn't have to stick by me an God knows why she did but. She bore the brunt of my habit, working to ensure we had food, electric an a house. For that I will be forever grateful, things may not be rosy right now but my mind is in a better place today and it's only upwards from here..