Relinquish Control to Gain Control

@brownie889

Hiya.  Good title by the way!

For me regaining control is absolutely not gambling ever again.  This is because I have years of uncontrolled gambling and the mental damage it causes.  However I completely respect that this is not everyones solution, goal or want.  You have found a way of making it work for you and I think that is awesome.

I never want to gamble again.  I have caused myself so much pain for 19 years now.  Gambling in secret and pretending it is okay while I die inside that I just can't bear the thought.  Now gamble free I am only just finding out who I am without the shadow of gambling at the age of 40.

I am ashamed to say that one of my most happy memories is drinking and playing slots online while listening to music.  But then when I wake up the next day and realise the losses and how much work it takes to earn what I lost the pain and guilt is too much.

Can I ask......  What if you won?  I mean you set your budget and sent the money to your GF and won big?  Then what?  Can you gamble the winnings?  if so and you lost would you feel as though you could gamble more to regain the loss?

What if you did get the urge and got hold of a card number you could deposit with?  Would it not be better to have a black/white don't gamble.

Please don't think I am saying that you are wrong in the way you tackle it.  I think it is great you have found a way that works for you and you're being very self aware.  But I absolutely know I could not be that strong, it would open a Pandora's box.

All the best on your journey as well, J

If I asked my partner to gamble for me I would lose control. It's definitely what works for the individual. Gambling is c**P to be honest. I have manged to get the same dopamine hit by visualizing gambling instead of actually gambling. It's quite a rush but that's as close to the edge I ll ever get. 

I don't really get many urges or bordem to gamble now. Being away from it so long I don't want to go back I want to go forward and be a better person. I would also be worried.

If you ever do a 12 step recovery program you will learn that it's about self improvement and not just self protection from gambling. 

This is sadly some thing I need to work on as a person to be a better person. Why waste my time asking my partner to bet when I can ask her how can I be a better person. 

Food for thought 

Dave101

@thebean first of all congratulations to you for being gamble free and finding yourself, there is nothing better than realising who you are no matter what age you are when this happens.

Loved your reply and totally understand your thoughts and questions, I guess this is where my own self control has to come in and the fact even knowing my problems with gambling previously my partner has shown trust in me, if I then abuse that trust she will close everything down and shut me off in the blink of an eye.

I still have control over all my money etc she doesn't look at that or have control of that so I could just as easy withdraw and go to a shop and spend what I like, again that's self control and steps that I have learnt in recovery that prevent me from doing that.

I just have to be honest with myself and her, I gamble what I know I can afford at the time that if I lose will do no harm, at the same time if I win that is where if I tell her what I have won she will expect that amount to hit her bank, if it doesn't then I have explaining to do which is very uncomfortable

Keep up your good work and feel free to ever get in touch =)

@dave101 thank you for the response I totally understand where you are coming from, like I said before I'm lucky this works for me, it deffo doesn't work for others it may not even work long term for me, there maybe a time I struggle and have to admit that to her and seek help.

I will admit one thing I have really noticed is when I do want to I definitely workout the financial risk alot more these days which 9 times out of 10 stops me from even going ahead with it.

All the best on your journey 

@brownie889

Yes this is definitely a period in you're journey that works but I would feel this to be a step backwards for myself. My girlfriend gambles the lottery etc but thats it. I wouldn't want too guess the numbers or have the money coming out of my account for the bet.

Please keep us posted on any updates as it would be nice to know where this ending up going.

Dave101

It's a good approach and I think it's better to cut down and stop than just going cold turkey, I haven't for the will power to just stop. I have gambled for 20 years and I have cut my gambling right down from the high levels of money I was previously spending. I have to be treated like a child sometimes but although I have been doing so well sometimes I slip up and have a big money binge. My problem is having money in my hand and trying to fight the urge to gamble which gambling wins still. I am sick of being a gambler and I am still on my journey to figure out ways to fight the urges and take back control.

Hi

For me gambling is very unhealthy.

When I use to go gambling it was due to fact that I had certain emotional triggers.

Once you understand eahc of your emotional triggers you can deal with things in amuch healthier way.

Once I got clean time I understood that my trying to control people and situations onl indciated how inadequate and insecure I was.

Once I started to have cean time I saw that I had certain unealthy reactions to people life and situations.

In time I would exchange those unhealthy reactions to healthy interactions.

I would exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

Then once I faced each of my fears, that really empowered me.

The pains in my life caused fears in me that I did not understand.

Regards Dave L