Rock bottom

I'm 26 and have very close to the perfect life from the outside. I'm often happy and can't understand why I do what I do.

For the past 10 years or so I have gambled on and off and lost vast sums of money. In June 2015 I hit what I thought was the ultimate low, I gambled everything away and was left with no option but to tell my fiancГ©e what I had done. She stood by me and has been supportive however I was so embarrassed by what I had done. I swore (like many others) i would not gamble again and survived until 9 June 2016, lost £50 and then the floodgates have opened.

I have now lost c.£3k in the last month and am in some trouble financially but can't open up again. I am struggling to I know what I can do from here. Financially, obviously the money hurts beyond belief but for me the bigger pain is that I don't know how/when this will stop.

I don't really know why I gamble, don't get me wrong I like the thrill but for me it's purely financially motivated and once I am in trouble and down I try to gamble my way out of it. Even when I manage this, I am not content and strive for more only to eventually reach rock bottom. This is the 3rd time in 5 years I have reached this point.

Where do I go from here?

It is also the absurd nature of the bets I put on, yesterday I won £700 to then put it all on a 1/6 on bet that lost. I was risking £700 to gain just over £100. I feel at a complete loss and am watching my life disappear in a trance, now begging for the next two weeks to pass to reach pay day simply to pay off some of my overdraft. As you can see I've completely lost perspective and find it extremely difficult to regain it now.