Some advice that has helped me so far

I've been reading this site for the last 4 months and it has been helping me a lot so thank you to all the people who take the time to offer advice and to the people who are trying so hard to stop gambling.

I have been gamble free since September 7th. I am 28 and have been gambling heavily for 12 years. It destroyed me...mainly online poker and FoBt roulette. I don't want to go in to all the ins and outs of how much I lost or how many awful times I had, but needless to say this disease took the best years of my life, lead to their destructive addictions and was a colossal waste of time, effort and emotion.

I wanted to offer some advice on what, this time unlike others, has helped me to stop; and it is a combination of things. I want to try and be as helpful as I can. - I made sure wages were paid into my partners account and any extra money that came my way also went to her. *this simply meant that I couldn't give in to early impulses drawing me back to the bookies or casino.

- the next piece of advice I actually took from a man who posted on the "overcoming problem gambling" section. I wrote down on a piece of paper (handwritten) two columns: reasons to gamble and reasons not to gamble. The only reason for gambling was that I might win. If we're looking at it rationally this is the only reason we tell people we gamble for. Personally, and I think this goes for a lot of people, it is to escape or to block out negative emotions and thoughts we have, often to do with low self esteem, or at least in my case. The other reasons (reasons not to gamble) were so many that I had to go over on to the other page. There were the obvious ones like hurting people, throwing away money but the one i think that helped me the most was so obvious once I'd written it down clearly: "Even if I win what am I going to do? Keep it? You always end up losing it back!!!" I then went on "if I've ever one anything big or small in my life I've always given it back to the bookmaker or the other poker players within 2 weeks...without exception!! Thoughout the last TEN YEARS!!!"

Once I'd written it down I actually looked at this gambling problem i'd had for years and thought to myself "what have I ever done with any of the 'winnings' I've ever managed to win the last ten years? Nothing they just became more money to gamble with! And what is the actual point in throwing my money away if I can never win? I mean, I only play FoBt roulette and low stakes online poker, what's the most I can reasonably win from a roulette machine. You'd be lucky to get up to 2k from what I've seen over the years and that almost never happens." So I said " ok then what? How is that money going to change your life? Are you going to stop and say enough is a enough?" Then I wrote "of course not, you're going to go back and back and back until it's all gone, this is what you've done for the last ten years you moron!"

One guy I saw won £10k (the max) from one of these things and I was told the next day he came back in and lost it all back and 3k more. We become irrational when we gamble and don't see the long term fix working against us. The main point I wanted to make was that these roulette machines aren't going to keep on paying out and out over and over. What's the most any of us are going to win from these things? 5k even 10k? But then what? Much more likely, in fact I'd say with 100% probability, you will lose again and again and again before you might get a little sniff. But then what? It all goes back in.

So why are we still gambling? Is the naive hope of winning a few thousand (which you can NEVER HOLD ON TO) worth all the aggro of losing your family, career, health, respect and life worth that? I hope I've made my point. No one respects a gambler and no decent partner would want anything to do with money you've won from gambling anyway. Trust me, I know...all money won becomes stake for more gambling, and the odds are kind of stacked against us aren't they!?!!!

In my opinion the gambling industry thrives on the same ideology that tries to trap us in consumerism. We are led to believe that it is the money that is what we really want. Like we are led to believe it is that nice pair of shoes we really want or that Diet Coke, via adverts, when really we want to feel loved, accepted, respected etc and also clever, smart, important and the rush these bring via winning The money is never enough though and we need to address the reasons why we started gambling and fix it before it's too late. Is losing all good things in your life actually what's going to make you fell better about yourself?

If you are a young guy or girl reading this please don't ruin your life for this corrupt lie. Your life is too important and these machines only have one outcome. And if you're gambling to get yourself out of gambling induced debt then think strongly and don't do it. You got the debt through gambling! You really think you're going to quit if you get it back. Read these forums..that never happens! You won't win because you won't stop. Admit it's over and move on! I hope I've made some sense of what was in my head. I'd like to add to it if I think I've forgotten anything.

The one piece of advice id like to give is: please make a list of all the pros and cons of gambling in your life and be ruthlessly honest with yourself. Once this is done maybe you can have a framework within which you can address the real reasons why you are gambling. It might surprise you that it's really not about the money after all. And to the man who wrote that advice in the forum, thanks...what took you five minutes to write has led to around 140 days gamble free. It gets easier! but we need to have a good train of thought to stop hitting our heads against the brick wall. Write a list!!