Hello
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I am in the midst of a relapse and have had some random realisations. I was wondering if anyone had a similar experience and would like to share?
I brief background: Problem gambler for 6 years or so from 2015-2021. It all came out eventually and I almost lost everything. Sharing with the other half was what saved me (despite how hard that was).Â
I self-excluded with GamStop for a year. And was immediately fine. No urges or temptations. But as soon as that year was up I jumped straight back in. After a few days of removing the ban I lost a few hundred and immediately realised how silly it is. Logged back on GamStop and did the 5 year exclusion. It felt great.
This time 2 whole years passed (2022-2024) until a random night a couple of months ago. Ended up on a dodgy non-UK site and proceeded to lose thousands.Â
In these two months I have lost £5500. The funny thing is, I someone said to me I have a 5 grand expense to pay for in 2 months time I would laugh them out of the room. I couldn't fathom saving that much that quickly for anything...but then somehow I have managed to waste that without blinking. Â
Anyway, I'm giving myself a pep talk. This post is part of me coaching myself through the day hoping I can repair the latest damage. My plan is 1. Find blocking app 2. Ring up bills/credit providers to ask for breathing space 3. Figure out a way to remove the feeling of helplessness and try and make it to the next pay day
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Thanks for reading.Â
Have you tried adjusting your bank settings to block gambling sites? I believe this is now possible but haven't yet tried. That may help get around the use to non UK ban sitesÂ
Hi
It was important for to get to understand what my emotional triggers were.
The buzz I use to feel while in action was fear and adrenaline based.
Emotional triggers for me my were pains I could not heal, an emotional trigger were my were fears I could not face and reduce, an emotional trigger were my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations I could reduce, an emotional trigger were my fears of emotional intimacy and feeling a loner and disconnected, an emotional trigger for me was boredom because I could feel productive and I was not able to commit to my needs my wants and in time set goals for me to achieve.
In saying to myself I have to implies reluctance and resentments.
If your boss asked to work a month without any pay what would you feel.
Yet how many times did IÂ work and then give my money away to complete strangers.
Only once I was able to abstain from my unhealthy habit could the healing happen of my hurt inner child.
It was the easy option to talk about money or being in action.
Recovery is about starting to heal my pains.
Gambling was a form of self abuse and self destruction.
In going to meetings therapy based I would not longer focus on money or gambling.
I would focus on me becoming a much healthier person.
Guilt shame regret is the consequences of going against my own healthy conscience.
As I heal and become healthier I no longer live in the pains of my past.
Only when I love myself can I love other people.
Only when I respect myself can I respect other people.
How much do I value myself today.
How much time and effort am I willing to invest in me becoming a much healthier person today.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
@l9g4zv8ab7 Thanks pal. It has crossed my mind but haven't got round to it, yet
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