Stuck

Dear 29gamguy,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the Gam Care Forum.  I know it isn't always easy to ask for support, or sometimes even to know where or how to start the conversation so I think you have made a really positive first step. 

This forum and our chat rooms are a really good place to talk to others who may be in, or who have experiences similar situations to yourself, so they are really good places for support. You don't need to feel alone with this. 

If you have not already done so I would also recommend contacting an adviser on either the helpline 0808 8020 133 or on the net line (web chat) both of which are available 24 hours a day. Here you will be able to access practical advice such as gambling blocks including self-exclusion and referral for free treatment support which will help in addressing the bigger picture of your gambling, taking in to account any underlying issues, contributing factors, triggers and so on. We can also signpost you to independent financial and debt advice/management and any additional support as necessary. 

Wishing you all the very best,

Helen 

Forum Admin

Going round in circles is precisely the nature of addiction. You make the same mistakes over and over again because you are stuck in the same thought pattern....that gambling makes you feel good. Despite the overwhelming obvious effects staring you in the face, addiction will win out because it is not based on common sense or the fact that we can see what damage we are doing, but by the fact that we are addicted to the drug.

So it doesn't matter how much you win, or how much you lose, because it is gambling that you are addicted to. You will not be able to break free unless you free yourself up to be something else....that means getting blocks in place like Gamban or Gamstop if you gamble online. You must also block your cards from gambling or surrender control over to someone who can help you. For years, I tried to do this myself, I wanted to break free but was stuck for over 2o years. You have to accept that there is a problem, but also that you can and must do something about it. You cannot expect to break free from gambling with will power alone. You will likely  fail because the addiction is strong and no amount of intelligence or common sense can save you from repeating the mistakes over and over again. It is this that makes us feel so lost, knowing that we have a problem but continuing to make the same mistakes......it is that which makes us feel lost and hopeless. Don't feel that you have to do this alone. There is help out there.

Get blocks in place, do it right away. Put measures in place and lock down all forms of gambling and block all avenues to bet. Once this is done, you will then be able to free yourself up to start tackling your health, your mental well being and you will also be in a position to tackle the financial repercussions. You can start to rebuild your life, get your hobbies and interests back.

None of this can happen while you are still gambling so get rid of the gambling first, then tackle yourself and your money. There are many people that can help if you are struggling with debt and Gamstop with one sign up will self exclude you from all UK gambling sites. 

When you have money worries (and believe me, I do) it is easy to still see gambling as a way out. It keeps the cycle going but gambling is the cause of both of our money worries and so it can never be the solution. Continuing to gamble will only keep you in this cycle and your situation will at best stay the same, but worst case scenario you could lose everything.

Believe me, no matter how bad things are, they can always get better but if you continue to gamble, then there are plenty on here that will tell you from experience that it can get much, much worse. 

When you have blocked gambling, you then need to start unravelling your triggers, the things that make you gamble....what makes gambling so appealing to you, do you do it when you are down or upset? Is it for entertainment or to break boredom? If you have underlying health issues, like depression or anxiety (hands up from me here) then you will need to sort these problems out as soon as possible as gambling is often used to self medicate things like depression as a way of dealing with our emotions and anxiety. Understanding why you bet when you do will help you start to see the pattern of your gambling and help you to identify possible triggers. 

You then need to think about the way you see gambling....your mindset to gambling can be changed by breaking a thought pattern in your brain that leads you to bet. When I am feeling low, my brain says 'go gamble' because my brain feels good and gets high while I ruin my finances and trash my mental health. When we gamble, our brain gets high even when we lose thousands, not because we are winning, but because we are gambling, so the message that has been ingrained in your brain that gambling makes you feel good is false. But it is this that often causes the impulse to go bet.

This is because this is how the brain feels when you bet...but we all know that this is not the way we feel. It's your brain craving that hit of dopamine that drives you to pour all your money into the machine, chasing the high, while you sink lower and lower into depression. While your brain chases the high, you get lower and lower. That's the deal. This is why the win is so powerful because if it does come, it feels much more stronger when you are on a losing streak, even if you just get your money back, you will feel like a winner, even though in reality you've wasted away an entire day spinning reels in some head to head battle with a machine. All these near wins or money back sessions only cement the idea that you can win and the cycle continues.

What we actually do as gamblers is that we surrender all emotions to the machine. We let the machine take us down when we lose and we let it pick us up when we win. We become incapable of feeling anything except when we gamble. Everything else loses meaning because the drug is so powerful. So much so that we will sacrifice our health, our security, our families and homes just to get it.

You recognise you have a problem, now you need to take the next step and not let the addiction control you any more. Get blocks in place, free yourself up enough time to be able to think about your next step and what you can do to start to fix this. Your head is a mess because you are in the grip of addiction and you are scared of your lack of control and what it is doing to you. Don't be. That is what these measures are there for. We don't actually make a conscious decision to gamble when we have addiction, we act on impulse which is why we need these measures in place to help us until we are strong enough to rationalise and decide that we no longer want to gamble. Even then, measures should stay in place, because once an addict, it is vital to keep away from gambling completely because one more bet will fuel the fire that lays dormant in you and you will revert back to your old ways. A recovering addict is still an addict, you just don't bet any more. Sadly, it doesn't go away but your life can return to normal and things can vastly improve once gambling is out of the picture. 

There is hope and things can get better. I gambled every day for more than 20 years and with Gamstop and a change in mindset, I have gone 2 years without a bet. You can too.

If you want this problem to have an ending, the good news is that it can. You are keeping yourself stuck in the cycle that you want to break free from. That's where your frustrations come from. The thing is, if you want the cycle to stop, you have to stop pedalling. 

All the best.

Hello. 

I hope your doing well in this unpredictable time. 

I was doing the same but with sports bets and this was only a month ago. I now have counselling every week or 2 over the phone privately that’s with Aquarius. There free and it helps a lot.

also I have blocked my bank for accepting any gambling transactions so I can no longer gamble online. There is also a website called. Gamstop.co.uk this site stops you from using any gambling site it self excludes you from all site for 6 months 1 year or 5 years which is your choice. I have done 5 years as I don’t think 6 months or 1 year is quite long enough. 

this is a real addiction but without the drugs. So it’s all mental addiction. Even speaking on here with all other the other friendly and supportive people help. I’ve spoke to a few people on here going through the same thing we’re all in different times of giving up but we’re all still addicted to the same thing. Always remember your not alone. There is help. 

I hope this helps. Stay safe