Telling my partner that I have stolen his money again

Hello  NeedHelp12

Thank you for sharing your honesty on our Forum, this is never easy to do. Please don't give yourself such a hard time, problem gambling is cunning, powerful and baffling and without help it is too much.  There is help and support available to you and there is a way through this - you can get through this however dark it feels right now.

Along with the Forum we have Advisers available 24/7 to help you through this.  Please make contact on our Helpline 0800 8020 133 or using our LiveChat option.  I encourage you to contact us so we can discuss the best way forward and how to overcome the issues you are currently facing.

You are not alone, we are all here behind you.

Best

Amanda

Forum Admin

You are not alone in this. Many people her have experienced your situation but I would be wrong if I just sent you sympathy for it. It is about understanding more about yourself and accepting your need to start on that journey of recovery now. It is not hard to be a slave to your impulses. That takes almost no effort but costs a bunch in emotion. We can also almost bare the f....d up nastyness we manage to create towards our loved ones when we do get zoned but it does not matter how hard we try, we seem to allways forget about ourselves and what we are all about.What makes us tick like this. That is one of your top priorities to find out. Get to know you. Understand what drives you into the gambling zone and what feelings you surpress when to stay there.

Alot of people in our situation has trauma they surpress. Do you? If so what happened find out.

Get your gambling blockers in place because you are in a place right now were you need some breaks.

Talk to a cbt therapist. You need to know how to sort out your thoughts and your actions is not your friend. You can make that better by going to therapy sessions.

Show confidence towards your partner. Be apologetic but make sure he knows that you have a plan to make this right. It needs to be constructive however rough and nasty it may feel.

Plan to get to know yourself like you never have before . Understand every little microbe there is about you.

All addiction is mechanics. It is about you lying to yourself to go down a path that stills brain chemicals in an imbalance. It comes from hard training. If you were a professional sportsman you would be going places after 15 years. Being stuck in addiction is the same. You escalate till you fall. This can stop if you decide to stop it.

If you do not decide to stop it it will continue, so start making those choices. Stand up. Dust of and keep moving.

Best

C

Thank you so much for your helpful response 

Thank you it helps to not feel alone 

Hmm after he knew about the first episode why is he still leaving money around the house as this is obviously a temptation for you. He needs to be putting that money in a bank which you have no access to. I really think you just need to be open and honest with him and admit you have a gambling problem, ask for his help and forgiveness and to help you take steps to help such as not leaving significant amounts of money lieing around in the house. You need to work together as a team.  Then forgive yourself and focus on your job and career. 

Hi Jon

i know you are right I need to tell him, I just still don’t have the courage.

The reason he has left money in the house is because he genuinely thinks he can build trust with me again. He warned me not to touch it and I swore I wouldn’t.  Can’t believe I would do that.

I guess also he does not understand my addiction, even though I have taken money a few times, he thinks that I can just get over it.

Thanks for your response.