Tempted

Hi Hannah,

Although your brain may wonder and make you have thoughts about winning the money back, as a gambler myself that has had the exact same thoughts, from my experiences, It didn’t matter how much I won back because even though I had won way more than I needed it was never enough and I would keep gambling until I had lost it all anyway.

i have lost everything that matters to me this year, my wife my dog and my home due to gambling and within that time I got a promotion at work which should of been a great thing but all it has done is fed my addiction further, now I have nobody to look after my finances  and I earn more, I have a well paid job and I  won more than two years salary which to any normal person would be life changing, to me as a gambler it meant a few days of feeling high until I had lost it all and now I feel worse than ever.

I have had times in recent years where I have had more spare  money than I could ever need, but you know what, as a compulsive gambler I have come to realise that money doesn’t make me happy, if anything it makes me sad because I just throw it all away.

Money means nothing, if your going to chase anything, chase being truly happy.

hope that makes some sense and helps x 

@hannah13 It is perfectly normal for the thoughts to come back. You might identify it as the voice in your head or the devil on your shoulder, but it's the addiction wanting back into your life.
See if you can read the I AM ADDICTION poem, you might recognise your addiction in there.
It sounds like you have some good blocks in place but the next step is to change your mindset. Believe that you cannot control it, you are not giving yourself a treat. The best treat is to continue gamble free.
Have you considered finding your local Gamblers Anonymous group? You'll find the help and support you need in there and you'll be helping others as well.
Keep going.
Chris.

Hi Hannah13 and welcome.

The addiction doesnt want to let you go which is why it puts these thoughts in your head. Its a cold turkey process and these feelings are normal for recovering addicts especially in the earlier days

I hop you can tell someone close and keep doing reality exercises to make you think. A lot of people mention a good wage but you know gambling can take that in the click of the fingers. Ive certainly never had money to throw away and I earn a reasonable wage.

How can I get through to you. Gambling doesnt remember you with an IOU note. Its a random event with the odds well against you....its doesnt come round to your due reward because youve lost a lot of money...it not your turn next..... get me?

Its not a money earning scheme or a get it back later scheme...its called gambling for a reason

New day..same odds...same mugs game. Its not even a fair challenge if you understand me...they arent risking the important money that you are

You buy the small treats and take pride in that! Gambling isnt there to buy them for you. Youve seen the damage it causes because it soon becomes a drug addiction.

It becomes a complex mix of craving the natural morphine the body produces and chasing the losses. The money becomes less of a factor as the drug hit is actually thinking about thrill of the chase that gambling tempts us with.

Let it go...its not for you...you have no control and its taken your self respect and dignity away.

You get your pride back by living a gamble free life with love and support from people you trust

There is no shame in reaching out for help and you need to tell people close to you that you trust

47 days is a start but its nowhere near long enough and those sort of breaks are not the true test. You should be blocked with family monitoring to protect the good money you have left and the money you will earn.

We are talking no complacency for a lifetime but when you have a strong mind you will realise that is serenely positive statement you can build your future life on

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Thank you all, thankfully the late evening thoughts had cleared this morning and it took until 4pm today to even remember I had been thinking about it. The struggle is that if I had the money at the time, would I have been able to resist? 

But today, day 48 is a good day and I have absolutely no desire to throw away the past few weeks! I am going out now to buy some food for the week without the guilt of spending the money.

hope you’re all doing well and having a good weekend. 

Day 50! 

I get paid tomorrow but need the money to last until the end of Jan. I thought about gambling tomorrow - I would need to unblock my card now, but the thought of losing more money and spending Christmas and January even more miserably than they currently will be has put me off. Waking up tomorrow with money will be difficult - but I will not be able to use my card to gamble and I know the urge will go away 🙂 

50 days is the longest I’ve been in a really long time so I will recognise this achievement, I know this is a journey that I will be on for the rest of my life. 

@hannah13 If the thought of having your card and money in your account is giving you problems, could you give the card to someone else to hold to help yourself get through this period?

Chris.

Thanks Chris, that’s a really good idea. I haven’t been brave enough to be honest about my problems with my family but I do have a friend who would hold the money for me and give me an allowance after I’ve paid my rent and bills. 

thank you for the tip 🙂 it will definitely make the next couple of weeks easier.

Happy new year everybody 🙂 I have surpassed 2 months without gambling which is the longest in around a year. A year ago I lost 5k in one sitting, and it still wasn’t enough to make me give up. 

It’s nice to start the new year with 2 months behind me 🙂

Well done Hannah 

Great acheivement and happy mew year 

Lou x

It's been a while since I updated and I am having a good day today so thought I would let you all know of my progress. I am a few days away from 5 months gamble free, and I only have one loan open as of today. This has 6 more months of just £70/month so I should be able to pay it off early. This does not mean I am nearly debt free, I still have my credit cards, totalling £3000 but I earn a good wage and will be able to pay my rent and all bills comfortably. 

My issue comes with having 'spare' money for the first time in a while so I will be working out what I need to live off and placing any 'excess' money with family. They do not know the extent of my problems - just that I had a problem a few years ago but they know I am bad with money and need to begin saving properly so are happy to hold onto it until I can prove a need.

I am tempted less and less, the urge does come but because I am so impatient I only want to gamble immediately, and I can't because my card is blocked from it. Within the 24 hours, without fail I have completely forgotten I ever had the urge. I am so grateful for this function on my card and only wish I had known it sooner. However, I think at that time I would have unblocked it quite regularly so perhaps it came at the right time 🙂

Hope you're all doing well.

Hi Hannah, that's a good open and honest post. Seems you are trying your best in all aspects and are honest regarding spare cash etc. Addiction thrives on secrecy and lies so the more open you are the more you beat it into the shadows. I totally get how hard it is with regards to being totally transparent with loved ones something I could only do once I got found out, but I'm a "rip the plaster off " kind of gal so once found out I spilled everything in one go massive relief for me obviously then huge stress and upset for my husband. What stops you telling family full extent of problems fear of judgement? Shame? Embarrassment? I understand all these totally but I can tell you addiction of compulsive gambling is much easier to live a gamble free life right out in the open I'm 10months  gamble free yes I still have challenges with it but not as many. Knowing that everyone knows is a definite plus for me. Everybody is different and you are doing really good just wanted provoke thoughts about what you can do to help if you get a period where it gets harder. Keep going be the best person that you can be and life will stay better.

Thank you Charlieboy - I am not sure what it is, but I don’t want this held over me for my entire life which I think is stopping me being really honest. Anytime I get a fraudulent phone call my mum rolls her eyes and says I must be on some sort of list because I’ve been on ‘dodgy’ sites, I’m not sure I could take a lot more or also put her through constant worry. But I take on what you said and will try to build up the courage to rip off the plaster.

I'm of the opinion that if you have been gamble free for that length of time, and i mean honestly gamble free, then i wouldn't upset anybody unnecessarily. 

I found it useful to give my cards and finances to someone else and as long as that does it carry on that way. I recently posted that i too was gamble free for a long period, paid off my debts etc, but lost £30,000 over a relatively short period.

Do not, and i repeat, do not be tempted at any stage as you'll be back in a place that is worse than before. You cannot go anywhere near placing a bet or gamble in any way. That's how it is i'm afraid. Having said this it's not a bad place to be without gambling. A vast majority of people don't gamble and live a happy life, more often than not with a lot more money than you will have if you start again. 

All the best.  

Thanks Bumblebee, I’ve made it around 8 months before and then fell back into it so I know my journey isn’t over and probably never will be. But I’ve made good progress and I haven’t had such little debt in 7 years 🙂 but I did have to spend money fixing my heating and I can’t say the ‘I should try and win the money back’ thoughts weren’t there, but it passed quickly and I was able to distract myself.